vanessa: Poems

vanessa Nov 2013

My body aches and I'm in pain.
I put this on myself, I chose this path and I'm going to keep on walking down it.
My vision isn't clear because I think this is okay.
Why do I let someone do this to me, you ask?
Because I want to feel this way, even if it's only a little of this feeling.
I know that it can end bad, but I'm addicted to this feeling. And the only way I can get this feeling is by having something else hurt me.

I'm sorry to everyone that thought I would turn out okay, because I won't.
Not if I continue on this path.
Which I know I will, because this is the path I chose, so long ago.

This is the path I chose to the end. The end of a good life. The end of the right thing. The end of everything.

Glass Winged Butterfly

vanessa Nov 2013

Glass Winged Butterfly

Like a glass winged butterfly
I am afraid I'll break my wings if I fly away
So instead, I sit only on one flower.
Although it's not new, and I know all of it's cracks and flaws on it's petals, I still love it more than every other flower.
Because this flower doesn't break my wings, it makes me feel safe and like I'm wanted.
But it doesn't love me.
Maybe it's time for me to test my glass wings and fly away from this unloving flower.
Because sooner or later I will take my wings off of my back and give them to the flower, giving it everything that I love.
And when I give them to it, they will not even smile, and instead will reject my wings.
This flower does not deserve my wings, when there are so many other prettier flowers, that will love me too.
It's time for me to test my wings and fly away.
And even if they break because I'm trying, at least I can say I died flying.

Lost

vanessa Aug 2013

Lost

I am lost.
In every way possible.
I don't know where I am,
Or where I'm going.

With no one around,
To show me the way.
Not a soul in sight.
I am hopelessly alone.

I struggle to believe,
That all of this is worth it.
And if I vanish,
No one will know.

It's hard to believe
That disappearing isn't
the only way out of here.

This awful place where
I'm alone,
This terrible place where
I am lost.

Shadow

vanessa Aug 2013

Shadow

I open my eyes to the feeling of falling.
This feeling isn't real, it's not happening. It's just my imagination.
The room is dark and I realize that I'm just a shadow, taking the footsteps of someone else.
I follow behind as if nothing's wrong.
And the person that I'm following doesn't take any notice to me.
I realize I'm an invisible shadow, walking behind someone else.
And then I notice that this feeling isn't real, it doesn't exist.

Because I am not real.

I'm destined only to be a shadow, taking the footsteps of someone else.
Forever walking behind someone who doesn't know I'm here.

Sub-conscience

vanessa Mar 2014

Sub-conscience

"There are no do overs in life. Are you sure you want to make this choice?"
That's what my sub conscience tells me when I'm close to breaking.
I either answer no, or yes.
I search my scattered mind for a reason to disappear, then I hear the voice again saying, "there is more to life than just mindlessly roaming around. You can make something of yourself. You have potential."
I laugh when I hear it say this, because there is no potential in something that doesn't even take a fragment of a second to care.

Technology is a Killer

vanessa Sep 2013

Technology is a Killer

There will come a day
When no one will notice the flowers
Or the blue sky.
There will come a day
When no one remembers a day without this so called amazing technology.
There will come a day
When the next generation laughs with their friends about how we had it so hard
There will come a day
When someone will look around and think, what a sad world we live in.
There will come a day
When no one goes outside
And instead they all sit around on their devices all day.
But will anyone really think that is sad? Because this is happening to us in this very moment.
And that day is right now.

The Grey

vanessa Aug 2013

The Grey

Inside of the Grey,
I wait to be rescued.
It's not as though
it is a horrible place,
I just long to have
someone here with me.

But if anyone
were to find me here,
I would be doomed.

I would have
to give my trust
to that person,
and let them know
about everything
I have hidden here.

I'm attached to the Grey,
I have no way out now.
I'm stuck here alone,
With no one around.

With no one beside me,
I remain here.
I hide myself,
Inside of the Grey.

The Real Me

vanessa Aug 2013

The Real Me

Lost in my thoughts somewhere
There is a place where the real me sleeps
The one that is alive and full of wonderful thoughts and feelings

And while I search for that place
All I have to look forward to is the time when I find this place and set myself free

because right now

I am only dead
pretending to be alive

You

vanessa Aug 2013

You

I saw you today.

It was a glance that I stole,
Because if I had looked any longer
You would've known I was looking.

You were wearing pink.
And your face was turned to the ground.
Looking at a bright little screen.
You were with your friends,
So I didn't look long.

I wanted you to see me,
But I was too prideful
To say anything

I miss talking to you everyday
I miss you making me laugh
I miss all of our awkward moments
I miss your smell
But most of all,
I miss you.

I'm shallow because
I don't want my friends to know
These feelings for you,
I still have.

These feelings that came back because

I saw you today.

— The End —