from time to time every living being has a feeling
in the recesses of our minds that leaves us reeling
it is hard to put a name or title on how we live our individual song
expressing Agape love is never wrong
You have made and continue to make van Young's life unique
i am humbled and blessed to know there is one heart who beats in a forever dance
cheek to cheek

stepping outside the concept of Paul's Hebrew letter setting no terms for
more than one life
there must be something else going on for You to be such a deep eternal inspiration
and to be so nice

if You only knew the effect that Your kindness has on Me
it is not the cards, the special gifts, the kind words
the help with Tex Dog or simply sharing Your Art, Your poetic reality
it is that Your heart based actions speak volumes
and Spirit will continue to bless You because Your Love is universally felt and heard

in fact, You have more mega blessings coming Your way and they will go on and on
without solicitation or invitation Your actions soothe the weary life of an old man
who feels alone

Your Mister hit the jackpot as waking to find You next to Him is a wonderful life stroke
i don't mind picking up the crumbs of any trail You leave
i do hope He sees that as the first in line for Your energy, attention and time, He is one lucky bloke

thru recent challenges, roller coaster soaring and valleys of weeping type dips
more than gifts from You, thoughts of You, soothes the onslaught of My personal flips
i wish i knew how right on time You are able to send this writer's depression reeling
' just because ' on the back of the env brought Me back to the existence of feeling

simple tangible items like ' a clutch of church keys in a bag ' send Me over the moon
the message You sent seemed to be saying ' all is well - all will be well '
those little soldiers arrived just in time to be a vitamin B shot to My life and a surprising boon
once again, certainly in this life, You stopped an unspoken slide into the personal pit of puro hell

before the sun was flung
before the first celestial notes were sung
before the first oxygen to carbon release
before the design of inner space seas
You must have been painting the sky cerulean blue
in all You are, all You do, to You i sincerely bow and bow and bow
sending thanks to the Creator for allowing Me to be healed by knowing You ~

When I first heard about this
I believed it

It’s still true today
With some added twists

I did not realize how painful it could be
To talk about race
Skin color
Good hair
How does oral *** taste

Yes, a Cubano asked Me if Black women taste more ‘ exotic ’

Brown Paper Bag

I was born in Tortuga
My formative years were spent in Vera Cruz
Adulthood started in Houston Texas
I grew up at the corner of Argyle and Cahuenga in the armpit of Hollywood
I learned more there than My Momma ever taught Me

In Tortuga, everyone looked like Me
The only color We chased was green
When You see Black Mexicans with straight black hair, most - may - have – ties to Vera Cruz on the Gulf Coast of Mexico
The slave ship was supposed to turn right and it turned left instead
From hundreds of years of intermarriage, most of the people are dark so there is no special privilege based on skin color, just puro family or no

Texas was an instant nightmare in the daytime
Sunday morning at approximately 10:00 is the most segregated time in the state
You can see it in the Brown Paper Bag
Hollywood did not want to see anything Black
Between the sheets, keeping the beat, fixing the meat, holding a seat or in the streets
True across America
Look at early 20th Century dancers at the Apollo
Black people also bought into the mindset
The litmus test for success ?
Brown Paper Bag

My Filipino neighbors know how to throw a party
Thru a gate in the backyards, our doors were always accessible
One party had a huge crowd of visitors from Manila Metro
Somehow, the party settled into a type of invisible groups avoiding each other
I did not know White soldiers told the Filipino people that the Black soldiers had tails
Repeat the alternative facts enough times and it becomes truth
Observation led to questions and the answer given was
Brown Paper Bag

I met someone enjoyable
Pure fun
Same interests
Same flight trajectory
Or so I thought

When it was time to meet family
It fell apart
The reason that roared
And the bull that gored
Was deeply ingrained
Socially strained
And sad

The generational law was :

Don’t come home with anything darker than a brown paper bag

Census is taken to say who is what and who is where
Other side says this type of tagging by race, *** and locale is over
I think I get why the rub is set for the mirror’s glare
Points taken are bold when random logic runs for cover

Careless counts of dispossessed use a simple sample and a smatter
Don’t leave the car, drive thru and watch them scatter
Insulateds say amongst themselves ‘ it can’t be that bad ’
It is much worse than that.  It is sad

This did not start out to rant or rave
Thoughts of nothing are the best to save
A small chip here, a small dab over there
Hope, stay alert, watch the horizon for someone who cares

Monday started off sunny
We finished the north forty
That lunch you fixed
Was a real big hit with the rest
Old man Jose sends his best

We had a few laughs
When the tractor got stuck
Jack ripped his new jeans
On the old combine machine
All the while yelling what the truck

No love tonight honey
I’m feeling the fog
Yes, I moved the car
And yes I slopped the hogs
Not tonight honey
Some **** fool stole my favorite dog

The man in the suit
Only offered us half
We’ve been nursing that crop all year
To move things along
I thought of this song
Btw, is there any more beer ?

No love tonight honey
I’m feeling the fog
Yes, I moved the car
And yes I slopped the hogs
Not tonight honey
Some **** fool stole my favorite dog

The radio went out somewhere around noon
To pass the time and not lose our minds
We sang old Motown tunes

This coming weekend would feed my habit
Tex and I planned to go hunt rabbit
From a little pup that dog knew what to do
Both of us loved coming home to you

No love tonight honey
I’m feeling the fog
Yes, I fixed the sink
And yes I chopped some fire logs
But, not tonight honey
Some **** fool stole my favorite dog

I see you
Sweet like candy
But definitely a handful

I don’t want to do anything to you
I don’t want to do anything for you
I would love to experience with you

So the fave color is red
There is beauty behind your eyes – in your head
Brains built of action from your hands and happening in front of your eyes

What a surprise when you spoke to me
Simple yet impressive and something I did not see coming

Love is where you find it
Hot – sour – bitter – slightly messy
Unconditional from the crown at the top of the head to bottom of the feet

Now what ?

I don’t want to do anything to you
I don’t want to do anything for you
I would love to experience with you

Think of making love in a chair
For this to work
Both of us have to be willing and somewhat fair

Are you really sure you want unconditional ?
Can you actually accept my faults and failings ?
I have never been to prison
I believe in feelings
I am an old man with ideas, designs and thoughts in a battle with the Universe
I know how to trust you
Can you hold the word commit when the sky falls ?

I will never let you fall
I promise I’ll never make you cry
When you get scared
I’ll hold you tighter
You do not have to ask
I am your fighter

I would never question the Creator
The thief of air has taken love from me
Several times
Was my heart being prepared for you ?

Now what ?

Can you accept my creative mess process ?
Can you see the fun in how I get things done ?
Are you willing and ready for the ride of a lifetime ?
If your answer leans toward yes, double buckle – it going to be bumpy – but fun

Our daughter will be divine
Will you balk when I beg you to try for a son ?
Your effect on another male can change the world and all humankind

Spirit guides my life now
I can’t explain it
I know it when I see it

Here are my jealousies
Are you willing to grant me your T E A ?
Time – Energy – Attention

Let’s lock this energy in place
I am willing to do – not try – do
Bring me you

I am better than I used to be
Not as good as I will be

Can you love a person like me ?

I do not want your day
I do not want your night
I am a person of commitment
I want your lifetime

I will cherish those days you are mad at me
I will cherish those days you don’t understand me

No matter how sweet
I promise to never cheat
If I have to crawl thru broken glass
I always come home

Can your comfort zone let me share ?
Right or wrong
Will you be there ?

Some things I do very strong
Others start with tender
Madness is not something I accept
Yet, know that I stand
And put all of life in a blender

Here is the warning – the caveat :
Are you a moth or a flame ?

Feet on the ground
Living
The possibilities are all blue sky
Tender ******* makes Angels cry

I have no idea why as an old man I am more emotional than I used to be

It makes no sense  - that  - things - that
have been there all along are now inviting Me to see

That

there is color in the creation of things
Birds of shades of light - flight on wispy anti gravity wings
Smells like fresh cut green grass in cool sea breeze air
Bell pepper, onion, celery and garlic in a stir fry flair
Honey
Room temperature brie on an unsalted crisp with a chilled white wine
Served with a peeled grape that matured on the vine
Puppy dog excitement – from a puppy dog
Simple beauty in a dying rose
The mystical marvel of logical thought
And the lack of flack from the lack of its use




Sauteed, seared succulent mushrooms
A ripe juicy apple that snaps and squirts when you bite
Hearing a newborn baby cry
Hearing any voice say ‘ good night ’

I have no idea why as an old man I feel more sensual than I used to be as brash, young brass
Yes - Now
With old man issues – think calling 9-1-1 in a white neighborhood - I get there fast

Age 105 has some beautiful parts
There’s seeing – there’s knowing with the same set of eyes - Very little can present itself as a surprise

There is a reason why the Art of cunning survives as an instinct in the grey fox
The instructions for living outside the box - are written - on the outside of the box

I have no idea why as an old man I am more concrete than what I remember wanting to be
We can’t go back.
The fires we set ourselves often cut off retreat
In a lifetime of putting out fires that started from a single, solitary, tiny spark
With Spirit on our side,
Peace in at least one eye,
those skyscraper sized flames will lighten the load on the road ahead
and smash the dark

Is this True ? : don’t sweat the small stuff
because it’s all small stuff ?

Is it true the passage of time will dull pain ?

Live to Encounter – Engage – Expand Encounter – Engage – Expand thru infinite skies

A warm Summer breeze dancing thru the tops of the lightly swaying palm trees

So is Time in front of our eyes

I admit I am a sinner
I admit I have made mistakes
I will probably make mistakes again in the future
Blot out My iniquities from Your mind and sight
My walk has not always been straight and narrow
My heart and life are weary
I need Your help
Shadows circle Me like sharks at feeding time
I am sorely vexed by issues of My own making
And issues delivered by others
Uncertainty clouds the future
No one stands beside Me
The wolf at the door had puppies

I have tried to do right
Tried to help others
The heavy weight of survival is pressing up against Me
Where do I turn
What happens next
I feel alone
I feel homeless
I feel penniless
I feel abandoned by You
You have come to the aid of others so why am I not on that list
You have come to My aid before with mega blessings
Does it have to be this way now

And yet
I deeply bow to what You do
What you have already done
What you have planned ahead

Since there is no way I could know the next moment
the future
I have no choice
You told me to put my trust in Elohim
I have
You told me to wait on the LORD
I have
You told me that I would experience beyond anything I could ever know
I have not

Your Word cannot return void

What is it I have not done to receive Your blessings
What is it I need to do right now to have your blessings shower me
Tell me what to do

Is the feather a sign
Is the good word from the Oracle a sign
Can you see my tears
Can you feel my heart
Can you see my housing threat
Can you see my transportation issues
Can you accept my worshiping you
Can you feel my longings
Yeshua said you know all of this and more before I ask
Honor His Words
Can you just step it up a bit

I sit here in silence
Daring to wonder what is next
I am dust destined to be worm food
My Spirit will return to You
There is no good reason for me to suffer
Yes I do honestly believe You do not want Me to suffer
Come Holy Spirit
Come Holy Spirit
Come right now
Come right now
You are the only power

ELOHIM
You are the only power to trust
Bless me right
Work your miracles right now
Send Your ministering Angels to surround Me
Send Your ministering Angels to lift Me
To protect Me
To direct Me how to solve the survival issues
To show Your love for Me
To show My love for You
Though You loved Me first
Help Me
Help Me
Help Me