Behind that smile is a quivering mouth
Behind those eyes are tears being held back
Behind that kind joyful face is a sad depressed one
Behind the kind words are cries for help

Help from the darkness surrounding them
To not be ****** in like many others
To give them strength not to give up
To show them that theres more to it than sadness
To show that these horrible moments will pass and will soon be forgotten
Forgotten because they will be focusing on the joy in their lives
Not on the sorrowful

There is more to a person than what meets the eye
They seem to have everything together
They seem to have happy lives
They seem to never cry
Or to never think about the bad things going on

But behind it all
They lose everything
They have troubles at home
They cry them selfs to sleep every night
They always think about the bad things going on

Never letting them go
Never focusing on the good
Never enjoying the little things
Never smiling out of the public eye
Never getting close to anyone
Never letting anyone help them
Because they are afraid of getting hurt again

They are afraid of rejection, help, or even having fun.
Because whenever they do something comes up and they are back to being sad and depressed.
They are just waiting to be saved
Not even knowing that they are

They are loved without knowing it
They are thought of all the time
They matter the most to those they love
They are noticed
They are important without knowing
They are never forgotten.

Never.

It happened again.

She cries.
She writes.
She feels even worse.
She feels lost.
Like life is meaningless.
Like no one would miss her.

No one cares.
No one notices.
No one will know.

She fills pages and pages.
Not able to stop.
Tears running down her face.

But, eventually she does.
Either her hand hurts or she is too tired.
She doesn't know.
It doesn't matter, shes too tired to keep playing this stupid game.
It keeps happening.
But why?

Is it her fault or theirs?
Who's to blame?

She thinks.
She sits in silence.
She tilts her head up.
She cleans herself up.
She feels empty.
But also doesn't.
She doesn't know what this feeling is.

Acceptance?
Understanding?
Strength?

She doesn't know.
Doesn't care.

She just wants it to be over.
For this to stop happening.

But she knows it won't.
It never will.

But she gets up anyways.
Grabs the papers, files them away.
Never to be looked at again.
Yet never thrown away.

She gets dressed.
Gets ready for her plans made the night before.

She grabs her coat and is about to walk out the door.
But catches a glimpse of herself in the hallway mirror before she leaves.

She fixes her hair, checks her makeup.

You couldn't even tell she had cried an hour ago.

Then she looks at her eyes in the reflection.
And she says to herself,
"You are strong. You are beautiful. You can do this."
She puts on her best smile, looking happy as can be.
Then she walks out the door.

As if nothing ever happened.

On this morning children are opening their gifts from under the tree
Finding things they wanted
Finding things they needed
Ripping through the wrapping paper to discover what they received

On this morning children are waking up overjoyed
Running down the stairs to their tree
To find wrapped presents
Waiting to be opened

On this morning parents are woken up by overjoyed screaming children
Being told that Santa came
And left presents for them under the tree
And that the milk and cookies were gone

On this morning living rooms are left a mess
Filled with gifts, wrapping paper, and memories
Filled with kisses, hugs, and smiles
With love and happiness being spread all around

On this morning the breakfast conversations are revolved around the presents they've received
About Santa coming to the home
Wether anyone heard the hooves of the rain deer during the night
Wether anyone saw or heard him while he was there

On this morning families are filled with an overwhelming feeling of joy and love.
Constantly being reminded at how great life is at that very moment.
This of all mornings is one of the happiest of the closing year.

Come take me away from this place that is dreadful
Come take me somewhere warm and colorful
Where there is no snow and sadness
Where there is the sun and happiness
In this place that is wonderful and filled with joy
If I go will I meet that one special boy?

If so,  please come and take me there
For I have never been there
Except once in my dreams
But just like people it leaves
Leaving me behind to fend for myself
Leaving me behind all by myself

So come take me to this one special place
So I can enjoy myself and have a little faith to embrace
So I can be warm  and lay in the sun
So I can be with others and act as one
So I can be with that special one

Every now and then
I see you look back
To catch a glimpse of me
To see if I'm still there
If I'm real
If I show you emotion
Like how I used to
When we were together

When you look back
I realize I'm not the
Only one that does it.
You do it too.

Sometimes I can't help myself
But to look at your face
And try and see
What your thinking
Feeling
Wether you miss me or not

I miss you, but not in the same way as I used to..
Things are different

But even if they are,
I know, no matter
how much time passes,
We both will continue
To dare to look back at each other's
Faces when the other isn't watching
Forever will we be curious of the other

Everything in the end will be okay.
It just takes time for things to change
Into the beautiful things
They're meant to be in the end.

Even if it starts off really ugly
And horrible,
The pieces will fall together
And everything will be okay
You just have to have faith,
Hope, and
Courage
To go through
The hell you have to go through
to get to that point.

In the end everything will be
Fixed, and
Mended back together.

The pieces that were once a part
Of a beautiful picture created
By past experiences,
And people,
That was soon shattered  
After everything that happened
Soon were put back together
To make another
More masterful
Exquisite
Piece of art
Like no other.

In the end there will be happiness,
If not, then your still on your journey there.