if and if,
if I didn't hold on to what almost killed me
if I didn't cry myself to sleep
if I opened my eyes earlier
if and if,



I'd have saved my youth

Time Machine? sounds cliché
the thing is I'm not going back
to change something or to relive something
All I wanna do is hold the naive young me
and beg her to let it go
I'd tell her wait for it
I'd let her know there's so many things that life is
The world never ends without this person
I'd ask her to open her eyes
to see the beauty of life
I'd say hold on to your goals and dreams
You've wasted enough time,





even though I'm sure, she wouldn't listen

**** it, young naive me.

I'm broken
Not because of a love story or a friendship
I'm broken because the woman who took me in is gone
Momma your gone and I have to carry on .. I miss you, your voice, your hugs and your smell
Ever since you were gone
Forgetting your voice became my fear ..
Momma I have no place to go when it's getting hard to breathe
Momma I would give my whole life to live one day with you
Momma RIP to me is return if possible
So please RIP

..

After all of this, I still love you. I thought maybe that meant love is ******* *******… but then I realized it means my love for you is ******* unconditional..

What did I do to deserve all this?
I've always been there even when I wasn't asked to be around.
I've always lied to myself saying we're okay when I know we're not.
I've always kept my feelings to myself when I'm hurt or sad.
I've tried to keep it simple even though I was burning every night while you sleep like a king.
Remember the kingdom we once made? it's on fire just like the queen , or lets say the ex queen ,dead queen or the left behind queen.
I've always watched my own kingdom from the outside , and I saw my castle being ***** by fake *******.
I've never blamed those ******* but I keep on blaming you and only you my LOVE.

All I want is someone is crazy and messed up as much as I am
who won't give up on me
who can handle fire
and can catch snowballs for me with a naked hand
is it so hard to get?
So yes maybe I'm complicated
maybe I'm mentally sick
but I swear I'm **worthy

one is when you start talking
two for walking
three for exploring
four for meeting
five for learning

step by step
babies steps
reaching the top

for the teenage years
till the twenties
all about the * FIVE *
the learning

you fall in and out of love
bad friendships
people change
parents divorce

many years come like thunders
many years come like floods
Volcano meets tornado

hard as doomsday

but you got the Hope

nineteen brought me high HOPES of long happiness
and I choose to be happy, so follow me
buy the smile if you want
just smile
s
m
i
l
e

How can the devil
has that beautiful smile?
with those rosy cheeks?
I wonder...