Is this a battle?
Is this a war?
These battle scars
They're never healing
I am ruined.
My body will never be the same,
I've fought for you
I've fought for us
I am scarred,
I am scarred for life.
These battle scars are never leaving
My heart is broken
I let it happen again.
Make it stop,
I am bleeding,
I am hurting.
Make it go away,
These scars are never going to change
They don't look like they're healing,
I've lost that power,
I have lost this battle.
They're no longer bumps and bruises
They are cuts and wounds
Deep thoughts, deep marks.
These battle scars have cut deep,
I cannot be saved,
I am marked.
These battle scars are not fading,
I cannot make them go away,
I'm at war with these scars.
I lost this battle,
I lost this war.
It is over.

To breathe or not to breathe?
Over whelmed by all this,
The desire to catch a breath and see
See the light of the shining, burning sun.
To feel the breeze and the cool wind of the night.
I am trapped in the dark, in your too warm arms.
Let me breathe I whisper, let me breathe I cry,
A cry for help,
A cry for forgiveness,
A cry to be let go.
It is time, time to leave the nest,
Time to live and grow.
To understand and learn.
I gotta go,
I gotta breathe...
It is time for me to breathe.

I can breathe again
The emptiness is bearable.
There's no pain,
There's no hurt.
I can stop making excuses
For you and me Both.
It is time to breathe again.
I wasn't ready then and I'm still not ready now
But I want him.
What can I do?
What can I say?
I can only breathe again.
Time will only tell,
I just have to let it take its course,
Let it tick-tock.
Matching the rhythm of my heart
To the hands of time.
I want to love,
But first I need to breathe again.

A Summer should be filled with some fun in the sun,
Laughter,
Cold beers and fires.
My Summer is filled with sadness, anger
And a cloud of darkness.
The happy things do not make me happy,
I smile and laugh,
But it doesn't touch my heart.
I fight,
I fight to breath.
Getting out of bed is tough,
Putting a brave face is tougher.
Trying to not cry is rugged.
I am not drepressed.
I was betrayed.
I was lied to by the one I love.
Trust was broken.
My heart was broken.
Betrayal is dark,
It is heavy, and thick,
It is hard to get rid of.
It sticks like glue.
It sticks like sweat
Like in those summer days.
Summer,  
My Hell.

Close the eyes of the death and it’ll be as if they were sleeping
Numb the pain and it’ll be as if you were alive
What is life without that and some danger, some fun?
Life is wisdom,
Age is just a number,
Regrets… never regret.
Make the mistakes and learn from them all, because without them,
You would not be where you are now.
Understand that love, is not just a word,
It’s a feeling that does not come easy,
Nor cheap.
It is pain,
Laughter,
Happiness and hurt, all in one.
It’s a great price to pay to gain it,
To keep it,
To lose it.
Take the risk and love, because if you can’t, you’re not alive.
But if you can, live with the consequences that it may bring.
Somebody once told me,
“Those who can’t say the words but can express it, are the ones who love the most.”
I could be one, but you will never know.

Oh darling,
This is love.
You have stayed,
And made me see,
You have helped me get up
When I was down,
I see it all,
I see it now.
I wasn't always right,
You hadn't lied.
I danced around the fire
When you walked across the burning desire,
I was blind,
I lied.
I see it all, I see it now,
The affair wasn't ***
It was a fantasy.
I have finally cracked the code,
I see through the glass of fire,
I followed you and
I have finally stepped over that same desire.
I see it all,
I see it now,
That old craving is gone,
I am cured,
I know you're the king
And I am your queen.
I now know
You were always there
And I was the one
Pushing you away.
Was I too blind?
Did I lie?
You have cleared that smoke,
I see clear now.
I see it all,
I see it now.
We're free,
We do what we want.
We're living on this passion,
We enjoy this desire.

Have I always been a fool?
To believe in the happily ever after and true love,
I have been lied to, or maybe I've lied too.
I cannot pretend anymore, the sweetness is no longer there,
My eyes no longer see what they used to see.
But I cannot feel sorry,
I cannot lie anymore,
I cannot believe.
I cannot.
Was I the fool to think that it would all be great?
To believe that things would change, to try to accept.
My hands no longer seek,
My eyes no longer see who you wanted to be.
I cannot live in the lie,
In a pretended life.
I've been fooled all this time,
To believe your words and trust your sayings,
I give up.
I was the fool.

What is life without the one you love
I'd crawl on the ground for you,
Fight the world for you,
Argue with the captain and try to sail with you.
I'll step out of line with you,
Live on land for you,
I'd do anything for you.
Don't be afraid of me,
Listen to your heart,
Stop those whispers around you.
I'll change my life for you,
I'd crawl on glass for you,
With pleasure I'll close my eyes and do anything for you.
Anything at all,
I'd do anything at all for you.
I'll fight for your heart,
I'll fight to be with you,
I'd do anything for you.

I can already feel it
The pull,
The drag.
We're heading back to how we used to be,
There's no good left in us,
There's no love left between us.
I want out.
I want to run.
I want to hide.
I want to live the rest of my life.
Trust is lost,
Love is forgotten,
Tears are dried.
There's nothing else,
There's nothing more.
I'm walking out,
I can't do this anymore,
You're not who you used to be,
You've lied to me,
There's nothing left,
Goodbye,
Good luck.

It's been a while since I held a pen
I sit here and wonder to myself,
Is this even right, do I remember how to write?

I had everything I wanted,
Knew and learned everything I could,
I stood head up high.
Proud.
Happy.
I lived a fun life.

I had everything I needed,
Never asked for more.
I was on top of the world.

I lost my patience,
I lost my love,
I lost everything above.

I forgot to dream,
And how to make goals.
I have to grab a piece of paper
And dot down my thoughts.

I have to remember,
I have to sit down and learn.

I have to hold this pen
And rewrite my goals.

This winter has been the coldest
I sit here freezing while time passes by.
I ran after you, but you flew like the wind!

I spent my days searching,
Searching for what?
For something that wasn't there,
For something that I believed.

I lie to myself,
You had lied to me.
You made me believe,
And with eyes closed I jumped.

I'd follow you anywhere,
I trusted you,
I believed in you.

But it was so easy for you to walk away,
To go back to your old ways,
Back to her arms,
Keeping her warm,
Leaving me to freeze.

What can I say,
I got caught up in a dream, I,
I can't open my eyes. Wake me up,
Wake me up and tell me it's all over.

I am lost.
I am cold.

I miss your arms.
Your lips.
Your eyes.
Your laugh.
Your heart pounding against me.

Wake me up, I am freezing,
Let me move again.
I need to find myself again.

Do what you want,
Let me breathe again,
Be who you are,
Be what you want.

You're just the one who lost,
You lost what could have been great,
You lost the one that believed in you.

Believed how great you were,
One that loved YOU,
And everything about you,
The one that didn't want to change you.

It happened all so fast,
I fell hard,
I couldn't help it.
You were perfect,
You made it all seem… great.

But now you're back with her,
The perfect man that I once thought you were
You no longer are.

I could call you names,
I could hate you,
But I only wish you the best.

Because when you realize your mistake
It will all be too late.

Your lie,
Your fault,
Your regret,
Your lost,
Your mistake.

And it will all be too late.

I've seen you laugh,
I've seen you cry
Those shed tears meant everything about your life,
Your fears
Your loss
Your fun
It meant all of your love to me.
I miss those arms who held me at nights,
Your smell on my clothes when we hugged.
I remember those eyes who would look at me,
With passion
With love
You would see right through me,
Knowing the right and wrong.
I miss you.
I. Miss. You.

Oh the memories that rush through my head walking through these doors.
The smell of this house,
The view of the lake,
The feel of these sheets.

I can't believe it's been this long yet doesn't feel long at all.
The laughs,
The parties,
The kisses we shared,
The stories we told,
The tears we shed.

Our confessions
And promises,
Where are they now?

We've put everything aside,
Not having a care.

I lay here alone with a smile on my face,
In spite our past,
Fights,
Hatred,
Love,
And differences,
You're still a true friend.

But I can't help myself,
I imagine,
I remember,
I remember, how your fingertips felt on my warm skin,
Your lips on my body,
Your breath on my neck.
And as I turn to stop myself from my thoughts,
There you stand on the door frame,
Waiting.

I hold my breath,
My body immobile,
I stare at your eyes,
And all those memories we've had come rushing back again.

One look at me and your eyes shine.
Those eyes, blue and beautiful.
So shiny and bright,
I could easily get lost in them.

I feel your heat as you walk closer to me,
The bed moves as you sit next to me,
No words are spoken,
But none are needed.

I see you smile,
I feel your hand,
I'm starting to sweat.
And before I can stop myself,
I wrap myself around you and we are lost,
Lost in our world.
Our only world.

Coming back to each other,
Because deep down,
We know we're perfect together.

If only things were different.
To go back to the way things were.
I'd give anything to be in your arms,
to be me who looks at your bright blue colored eyes,
To laugh at your jokes, to see you smile.
I know we can't go back, it was always just a lie.
I can pretend to be yours and you be mine
but that's not enough.
I miss you,
How? I never had you.
I will always love you,
Why? I barely even know you.
I just know that I want you,
that the moment I saw you I fell in love.
I've twisted my words so badly I cannot untwist them now.
I am stuck in reality and I cannot bare, I want to go back
to that dream, to be yours, to love you,
even if it was all just a fantasy.

At EIGHTEEN we met
At a party that I still remember.
It was fall, the air changing
It was beginning to get dark
The sun was going down,
The air getting cold.

I remember when you bumped onto me
That warmth that rushed on my arm.
I remember the blue eyes,
That mischievous smile.
I remember your touch,
The "hello" coming from your lips.

I remember you across the room
Your blue eyes looking,
The wink,
The smile,
The laugh,
Could my teenage heart know?
That skip,
That beat,
What did it mean?

You walked towards me,
Your blue eyes never leaving me,
"Hello" you said again.

I remember you grabbed my hand,
You pulled me closer
Whispering into my ear,
And the chill running through me,
I knew it wasn't from the cold, fall, air.

We found a spot and we talked.
Hours went by,
We realized the sun came up.

At NINETEEN we went out,
That's when we got serious.
You were the one,
You were my first.
Time went by,
Our highs,
Our lows,
We were inseparable,
We said the I love yous'.

At Twenty we fought
Times got tough,
We had some rough times.
The talks we had,
For the now,
The what ifs,
The future.

Still at Twenty...
We loved,
Unconditionally,
We tried to make it work.

At Twenty-One
The parties,
Constant work,
Life,
College,
We couldn't take it all
We were too young.
We broke up.

At Twenty-Two
We were friends,
Still in love.
We knew it would be forever,
That would never change.

You moved away
I stayed.
We moved on,
We went our separate ways.

At Twenty-Three
You came back, but
You left again.

At Twenty-Four
We lost touch,
You had moved on,
And so had I.

Years went by,
We barely talked,
When we did, we knew,
The feelings were always there,
Never going away.

At Twenty-Seven
You bumped on to me,
That warmth down my arm,
Familiar.
Your blue eyes,
Your mischievous smile,
Your touch,
Your Hello.

It all came to me.
We hung out,
We found a spot and talked
Letting the night fall,
And the sun rise.

That skip,
That beat,
What did it mean?
Could my grownup heart know?
We said the I love yous.

At Twenty-Eight
We talked,
You wanted to meet and
Know my new family.

At Twenty-Eight
I got the news that you were gone.

At Twenty-Eight
It all came crashing down.

At Twenty-Eight
I remembered everything.

At Twenty-Eight
It was more powerful then,
Than the last ten years.

At Twenty-Eight
The goodbye I could never say,
The closure that never came.

At Twenty-Eight
You, my first love
Were gone.

At Twenty-Eight
I will forever remember you.

At Twenty-Eight
You will always have a piece of my heart.