You come and go
like fragments from a  garbled dream.
A dream long forgotten
A shattered dream.
You knock on my door
and run away.
Tap on my windows,
like playing
hide&seek.;
Banging on my walls
Lunacy overtakes me.
you slip in with the wind and
tease me.

You seesaw with [my] reality
then,i catch your glimpse
in a broken mirror,
a cracked heart
and a memory.

you happen,then un-happen
like love
like ecstasy

you're the reality all night long
and then a faint memory

I live to make others happy,
all the time,
every day,
until my selfish needs boil up inside
and I scream out
"WHY?!"
"WHY CAN'T I HAVE WHAT I WANT?"
I pray,
tell you daily,
I want oh so little,
so tell me
why,
why can't I have what I want?
What I want makes me happy,
makes me smile so big,
Makes me forget everything that hurts,
but tell me why,
why can't I have it?
Every class is canceled,
all my friends are stolen,
I can handle it but tell me lord
why can't I be happy?
Why,
who's so broken
and twisted,
why when this broken rag
finally falls
for a gentleman,
a man who is not stick thin on *******,
striped up and down with tattoos
nose itchy from addiction
and a back hand
that leaves black and purple
to compliment my pale skin
tell me lord why is it all taken?
Why can't I have it?
Why can't I have just one thing?
I feel ashamed for wanting,
I feel ashamed for caring,
but lord sometimes
I give everything I have to others
I live to see others smile
but lord when do I get to smile?
Lord when do I get to look in the mirror
and smile proud
and love all that I see?
lord tell my why,
why can't I have it,
Why can't I be selfish,
just for a day,
I want to be happy.

Do not mistake me when I say that I fell,
for I did not fall in love,
not persay
not perchance
I fell long ago as a child
and I shattered.
I shattered and each of those
broken pieces reflected a monster.
And though through life
I have reached for the light
the darkness continues to encase me
consoling me with the one solitary fact
that only a monster can put me back together again.

Do not mistake me when I say that I fell,
for I did not fall in love,
I fell into a sickness.

I fell,
into the dark.

I told myself,
"don't get too attached"
"He's just being nice"
"Don't get too attached"
and now,
as his perfect face looks down
and his crystal eyes cloud over with depression,
I ask him what is wrong,
even though I already know.
He replies with exactly what I had feared
"It's.. just a girl.."
I panic not to clutch my heart in pain then and there.
Stupid girl,
I think,
stupid stupid girl!
He's beautiful, clever, funny, a ****** animal
with flocks of girls following him.
Why would he want me?
Why would anyone want me?

Constantly acting
constantly tightening the straps on the mask I wear
but there are times when you can see it.
When you can see,
not pain,
not heartbreak
no,
you'll see tired.
Because that's what I am.
I get tired of it all.
Tired of this longing.
Longing, constantly longing.

My god,
how pathetic.