I wake up wishing that every day will be filled with sunshine
Instead of being blessed with my wish, I'm cursed with this feeling that eats me from the inside
Making others smile makes me smile and feels amazing knowing that I put that smile on their face but why does it feel fake?
Why do I feel like they're just faking that smile?
Did I upset them? Did I do something wrong?
Thoughts will rush through my head and they won't stop
No matter how much work I do, the thoughts won't stop
Seeing people sad or unable to be happy makes me feel like I don't deserve happiness
What's happiness when others can enjoy it?
Just thinking about failing someone breaks me
And just when I thought my heart was getting back to being whole, it shatters
And this time?
I deserve it, I deserve to be in pain, I deserve to suffer
Even then, slowly breaking each day, I will still put on that smile and tell others I'm okay and still try to make them smile
Because helping others is my sin
It's my atonement for being selfish
Is it not?

At first glance, love is something we all adore
It's something we crave...but why?
All love is is just a strong affection for someone and wanting to be with them
We all crave it, some more than others or some hate it so much
And then there's people like me
Someone who has been in love more times then they could count...or they just don't know about it
Love is so powerful that it can either make or break you as a person
And because it can, we fear it and become so blinded by the fear of rejection that we do anything to keep that pain away
When you fear something so much, you're afraid of confronting it
Instead of talking to your partner
You fear them
Why should you fear someone that makes you feel so amazing?
It's simple
They can break you in so many ways than you thought were possible
Do you still want to be in love then?