There’s a secret that everyone’s keeping from me
If there is an answer they know
They’re doing it and they won’t tell me what it is
They’re using it against me and laughing at me from far away
It makes me angry
Why would they do that
Why would they do that to me I’m right here
I can see them doing that
What kind of person leaves another in bewilderment and confusion
And then goes on without a thought of what I could be screaming about in my room
They know what it is
What makes it better
What makes it easier
What could cure me
Fix my head and my heart and my life
They know
And they won’t tell me

I feel gravity in my most intimate center


It’s like lifting blocks of concrete with my heart,
Wondering why you are so far


I’m wrapped in chaos
Tethered to you
                 To this place


I want someone to dissect me like I do

Dandelion sun
Grass I can count on
Mushroom tea and my favorite song
My cat sleeps outside
Fog covers her on her restorative days
It’s been raining for weeks
She’s getting better
Or she’s preparing for the worst
Because it’s yet to come

I’d do whatever she tells me
But I watch from far
Scared of her and her enemies

I have a growing exhaustion for living
It’s surreal that
Things don’t stop happening
That I have to revive these things with grace and maturity
And I can’t make it stop

What do you name an overwhelming feeling
To immerse yourself in another person
Inability to be lonely
But the solitude is overwhelming anyways
With or without another

Excavate me
Reach inside and dig
Find out what it is that you yearn for
Take it out and we can look at it
Wonder and study obsess over
I have no idea where it came from

Drowning in my brain
It’s on fire
It’s suffocating
It’s something I can’t explain
It’s something I’ve set for myself
These expectations
These rules
They’re mine
I’m the only one not following
Crushed by the size of the world
By the options
By the fear
The fear of it all
I’ll stop when I can’t cry myself to sleep anymore
When the world doesn’t try and pull me limb from limb
When the bubble pops
When I can see clearly
When my food doesn’t all taste the same
And I can sleep soundly
And I have self control
When I can lift it,
When I’m strong enough to roll the boulder out of the way
God gave you what you could handle