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Mar 2022 · 595
Papel na Bangka (2020)
Clara Mar 2022
Hayan nanaman sila,
Naglalayag muli ang mga mamamahayag,
Lagalag nanaman ang bandera ng pula, berde't asul
Sa gitna ng karagatan ng mga nauupos na katotohanan,
Ang hangin ng pagbabago ay muli nanamang umiihip,
Tulak-tulak ang bangkang ginawa mula sa diyaryo't mga pangarap,

At doon,
Sa islang pinanggalingan ng mga mamamahayag,
Kung saan ang mga tao'y kasali sa isang paligsahan ng mga bangkay,
Nakatayo sa sentro ang isang pulang bahay na nagmamatyag,
Sa kanyang pader nakaukit ang mga alituntunin ng larong maingay,

Mangyari lang daw na patayin ang nagsasayawang mga apoy na nagbibigay ilaw sa pagbabago,
Mangyari lang daw na patigilin ang pagkembot ng mga bewang sa kumpas ng isang ipinagbabawal na musika,
Mangyari lang daw na mangarap ngunit tumingala sa usok ng kanyang establisiyemento,
Mangyari lang daw na maglabas ng buntong hininga ngunit huwag sanang pagkamalang pamumulitika,

Sa nayong malapit sa dalampasigan ng isla,
Kung saan ang buhangin ay nananatili pang morena't hindi pula,
Matatanaw ang isang maliit na eskenita,
Kung saan naglalakad ang mga pudpod na paang naghahanap ng pag-asa,
Ang daang malubak ngunit binuo ng pinagtagpi-tagping mga proweba,
Ay mag tuturo sa daungan ng bangka ng mga sinabing peryodista,

Ngunit pagdating sa nasabing tagong lugar,
May mahabang pilang nag-aantay sa naturang bangka,
Wari'y lahat ng talampakan ng mga tao'y dumudugo ngunit hindi namumula,
Lahat ay may dalang maleta ngunit hindi naglalayas o nawawala,

Sila'y nakapila upang antayin ang bangka,
Hindi para sumama,
Kundi para maging kalasag ng isang malayang pagpapahayag,
Para maging tagapagtanggol ng isang katotohanang nararapat makita ng lahat ng mga nabigador,
Para mapatahimik, hindi lang ang lagim ng laro,
Kundi lahat ng mga bangkay na naiwan niyang nag iingay
The poem was written as an org entry during the ABS CBN shutdown in 2020.
Clara Mar 2022
Simula sa araw na ito,
Hindi na kayo pwedeng tumawa, magalit at malungkot,
Hindi na kayo pwedeng makadama ng kahit ano mang emosyon,
Emosyong nagpapakita ng kahirapan, kahinaan, pagkatanda at pagkapagod,
Huwag kang magsasayang ng hininga sa mga letrang alam **** wala namang makakarinig,

At kapag nilabag mo ang isa sa aking mga utos,
Tumayo ka sa sulok,
Ipikit mo ang iyong mga mata,
At harapin mo ang dilim na sa iyo’y lumalamon,
Patungo sa apoy ng impyerno,

At kapag naramdaman mo ang init ng apoy na sayo’y sumusunog,
Pinapayagan na kitang sumigaw,
Sumigaw sa taas ng iyong mga baga,
Palabas ng apoy na nagbabaga,
Patungo sa mga tenga ng mga taong sabi mo’y iyong mga kaibigan at kakilala,

Ngunit huwag kang aasa na ika’y aming sasagipin,
Hindi ka naming aangatin,
At mas lalong hindi ka naming ililibing,
Sa mga lupaing,
Pati ang mga damo ay ayaw kang tanggapin,

At kung ayaw **** maging tulad ng taong iyan,
Bumuo ka ng bahay,
Gamit ang mga bagay na iyong natutunan,
Bumuo ng bahay,
Gamit ang mga bagay na naiwan ng mga mananampalataya,

Ang mga mananampalataya na nagpasabog ng mga bomba,
Upang ingud-ngod sa aming mga mukha,
Na kami’y mga anak ng mga makasalanan,
Pinanood naming maging abo ang aming mga ari- arian,
Sa isang pitik ng kasinungalingan,

Pinanood naming ang mga pinto, mga libro, mga litrato na masunog at madurog,
Nadurog sa sunog ang lahat ng aking minamahal, pinapangarap at hinahanap,
Inalis nila sa aming mga mukha ang kasiyahang panandalian lamang nadama,
Tinanggal nila sa aking katawan ang pangalang minsan na sa akin ay kumilala,

"Ako ay taong makasalanan,
sige,
eto na lang,
totoo naman,
kaya sapat na,"

At kung ayaw **** maging tulad ng taong iyan,
Magtrabaho ka ng mabuti,
At kapag naramdaman mo ang dugo na tumutulo mula sa iyong ulo hanggang paa,
Ipunin mo ito sa isang timba,
At ibuhos mo doon sa nayong nagbabaga

At kapag wala ka nang malanghap kundi ang usok at ang masangsang na amoy,
Hanapin mo ito sapagkat ito raw ang amoy ng mga patay na pangarap at sigaw ng mga bata,
Na sabi nila, ikaw raw ang may sala,

Ikaw ang may sala,
taong makasalanan,

Taong makasalanan,

“Mahal Kita,
Tutulungan Kita,
Pangako,
Patawad,

Paalam,”

Dagdag na utos sa paaralan:

Huwag kang maniniwala sa mga salitang inuulit- ulit pa,
Sa mga salita ng sumasamba sa kasinungalingan,
Dahil sa oras na mabuhay ang mga patay,
Hindi ikaw ang una nilang papapasukin sa pinto...


Ang pagpapalit ng administrasyon ng paaralan:

Iguhit ninyo ang inyong palad ang inyong mga hangad at pangarap,
Gamitin ang dugo na lalabas sa tenga at mga mata,
Gamiting pang pinta ang kada hibla ng iyong patay na buhok,
At kapag ubos na ang likido mo sa iyong buong katawan,

Ngumiti,
Tumingala,
Buksan ang pinto,
Kasabay ang pag sabi ng mga katagang:
“Ang makabagong paaralan ng mga nawawala’t hinahanap”
The poem was written when I was in ninth grade as a school requirement. I used to study in a Catholic School and I didn't like the way we were censored and choked to perfection. The head of the school got replaced as I was writing the poem. They packaged every change as remodeling for the better.. it wasn't.
Mar 2022 · 140
As the Moon Rises (2019)
Clara Mar 2022
The sun is tired, and the man on the moon rises just in time for his job. He does his tricks and cranks up the lever until the astronomical body beneath his feet rises up and replaces the morning star. Once again, the world is under his dim and sentimental glow.

The people below are turning their lights on, mimicking his surroundings. Oddly enough, every star that surrounds him has a painted name-- each seemed to be owned by a lost soul.

Thousands of people talk to the moon every night, each one full of dreams and wishes. Little do they know that the moon is not a ginny nor a fairy. The moon is simply a light. No more, no less than the lamps in their nightstands.

But the man doesn't mind. He listens to all the stories that he can in a single night. And sometimes, when the night is long, he lies on his back, closes his eyes, and pretends to be a traveler. And the moon is his backpack filled with the stories of the human universe.

A child cries, and the man listens. He seems to be talking about a friend who has fallen into an eternal slumber. He told the moon stories of their adventure each night he couldn't sleep. The child can't help but wonder if his friend could also see a moon in his dreams... If his friend ever thought of talking about him too.

The man in the moon responds but whispers to himself, "In his sleep, he lives a life brighter than those that surround him. The moon will rise as long as the oceans continue to wave, and the birds continue to sing."

As the child grew up, he began to talk to the moon less. On his last visit, the child decided to unhook his anchor. Then after a few moments, he finally decided to sail. The man in the moon listens to the child's last farewell.

"There is a void in my heart where the world revolves just like how it used to... Where the sea would rise and fall in accordance to the moon, where my friend awakes to identify his name in the cosmos."

The man on the moon bids his goodbye. He watched the people below and smiled. He turns to the star on his right and says, "Heaven will never get tired of waiting for good souls."

The star beamed and replied, "I have found my place in the cosmos. Thank you for remembering me."

It is now time for the sun to wake up and do its job. The man in the moon then stood up and walked to his spot. He cranked down the lever, and the moon slowly descended back to its dark place-- a place where secrets glowed in its brightest.
The short story is written in 2019 as an entry to a zine in a college organization. It was written right after our dog & best friend, Jazz died.
Mar 2022 · 220
Bangkay (2019)
Clara Mar 2022
At noong una kong makita ang katawan **** maputla at malamig,
Noong ang suot mo'y mga sugat imbis na alahas at palamuti,
Bala't mga bubog imbis na hikaw na pilak,
Mga pasa't bugbog imbis na koloreteng mas mapula pa sa mamahaling alak,

Kasama ang papel na hawak mo sa iyong kaliwang kamay na nagsasabi,
"Walang salitang lalabas sa iyong mga labi,
Ikaw, ako, at ang siyang oras na nalalabi,
Ang katotohanan ay nakatago sa aking labi,"

Ngunit sa ngayon,
Ang kamay mo'y buhangin,
Na sa lalong paghigpit ng aking pagkakabigkis,
Ay mas lalong nauubos at umaalis,

At sa pangalawang pagkakataon,
Kapag ang mga mata'y muling nagkita,
Ang mga daliri'y hindi na isasarado,
Hindi na hahayaan na kahit isang butil ng buhangin ay malaglag mula sa aking mga palad,

Pero sa ngayong tinitignan kita,
Kahit pa na wala akong makita kundi itim at asul,
At ang mga mantsa ng luhang naging dugo sa kakamakaawa,
Mas lalo kang gumaganda,
At sana,
Pati ang langit makita ka.
The poem was written in 2019 as an entry for the writing committee in a college theater organization. It was written during the height of the EJKs in the country.
Clara Jun 2020
Please stand here and do not cross that yellow line,
Put on your headphones and we shall hear the history of the painting...

"The art of staying alive was created when I realized that life exceeds the spectrum of the things we knew,
That the world beneath my feet is much larger than I am,
And yet,
here I am,
stepping on it,
rendering it powerless underneath my very soles

The air that keeps me breathing,
Surrounds me as I lay down my trust,
hoping it does not choke me,
The ocean and the seas that always seemed polite,
Who never fails to greet in waves,
hold the deepest secrets of what happened underneath

The art of staying alive is breathing and looking,
breathing and touching,
breathing and moving,
breathing and...

The art of staying alive is not designed to be looked at as a way of living,
The art of staying alive maneuvers its way to be seen as existing,
To survive and to thrive,
to feed and to eat,
to breathe and to leave,
from dusk till dawn,
from your bed to your death

A cycle that will perceive you as useless,
A result of the pre-planned events,
before we even decide who gets to plan our things,
The art of staying alive begins with a curious mind and an open heart,

When you realize that the world is not just the one beneath our feet,
When you realize that the air we breathe is no longer our friend,
When you finally get into the water,
and you realize that the politeness of the seas is not a gesture of courtesy,
But a gesture of rudeness and mockery,

The water that moves with the air as your whole world revolves and rotates,
waves you goodbye as you drown in your own tears,

No lifeguards,
no tourists,
no friends,
no family,
no more

As the unwelcomed fluid enters you,
The blood from the explosion of your heart and lungs,
Paints the entire solar system of you,
Stroking each part with the gentlest touch,
Blending red with red,
modeling each vein to look like the deteriorating painting of Michael Angelo's fresco in the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel,

And soon,
blood will exit the body,
as every single one of your organs explodes,
You then give up trying to suppress the mess inside,

Red will meet blue,
but it does not create purple,
Instead,
Red overpowers blue,
and blue let red,

By tomorrow,
from the top view of the seas,
Red will be seen spelling out your world,
Red will be seen releasing the chapters of the unwritten book,
Red will be seen dictating the life of the unlived but soon to be forgotten,

And soon,
you'll realize that you are in fact,
much smaller than the world you knew,
That the invisible is far more powerful than what is seen,
That the dark is far scarier if the existence of light is known,
That labyrinths are far more suffocating
when the awareness of the complexity of life has stepped into arrival. "

Thank you for listening.
This is the Art of Staying Alive.
Shall we proceed to the next painting?
Welcome to the Museum of Me: Exhibit A

Notes and Commentary from 2022 Maine:
(You can clearly tell that I don't know how to write good poetry in English lol.. Also, the poem is not meant to be written the way it is structured. Feel free to the stanzas by how you would want it to be arranged)

— The End —