when did you get so good at pretending? pretending everything was fine. pretending you were ok. pretending you were happy with me. when did it become so easy to pretend? when did you decide I was no longer good enough but with what little manhood you had you decided to pretend you still loved me because you didn't want to hurt me? when did it become so easy to prented? how long were you going to let it go on had I not caught you? how ******* long? well I'm done pretending that it was ok and it was fine. I'm done pretending that I am worthless and it was always my fault. I'm done pretending that I wasn't good enough for you. Truth be told you never deserved me and maybe you were just tired of pretending you did and that's why you left. To you I say farewell.

I feel present but not actually there. I go to a party and watch as everyone walks by.  everyone passes and when someoen finally says hello I reply only as mere response mechanism "hello." I might carry a conversation but I still feel empty. that is the worst. feeling alone in a crowded room. will I ever feel present again? I'd like to hope so yes, but sadly ever since you left, I guess you took that with you as well.