She cried for attention
She cried each night for all the attention that she knew she would never get
Each night as she lay in bed the hot, heavy tears would begin to fall
She could hear them talking in the hallway
She knew each night before it started what her parents would talk about
Each night as she lay in bed her parents would talk about her sisters
She just wanted for one night not to hear how perfect her oldest sister was
She wanted just one night to go without hearing how insane her other sister was
Each night she wished and waited in vain for her name to enter the conversation
She never heard it
She never heard her parents talk about her grades, her lack of friends, or her spiraling depression
Each night she wondered when she would tell her parents how big of a mess her life really was
She knew that she probably never would
She understood that her responsibility was to put on a happy face and sit in the corner
Each night she dreamt of a person who would grasp her hand and pull her out of her small space
She loved the idea of it
She grew infatuated with the idea of nothingness
Each night as the house grew steadily quieter, until the floorboards creaked as her other sister snuck out, she contemplated the insignificance of her life
She began to think how she would do it
She started to plan out the different ways she could die
Each night it started with accidental deaths then moved progressively until she was left staring at the dark cloak of suicide
She wondered what her family would do
She was curious who would really miss her when she was no longer there to not be noticed
One night she put her plans into action
They never even noticed until the next day
They cried each night for all the attention that she had never received

There’s a strong urgency in *******.
The longing for there to be another human body
pressed up against your own, so much so you envision
it vividly in your mind, painting hundreds of
thousands of scenarios until you find one just right
for your hand,

for your body.

It's not about pleasure, but about that momentary loss of place and time,
a further commitment to your imagination but
to your loneliness as well.

She laughs, he smiles.
The black forest taste he could only taste at the peak of light beams
Her laugh seems similar, quite similar.
Her haha's outcasted the glooms and dooms
Just as the black forest melted on his taste buds when sun rays streaked upon his shoulder blades.

She cracked a joke, he laughs and nods
Intellectual is what they might say
A brainy maniac she is, who could co-host a sitcom
His Friday nights would now only be filled with her wits
Replacing all the beers and stouts for a while
His once bumpy and rocky throat is nil compared to the highly raised cheekbones visible during a good laugh

But one day she cried.
The guilt he carries overshadowed his sympathy.
Her big swollen eyes
Her pinkish and warm face which was covered in dribble
Hadn't he known?
All those time he made somersaults, he was drown deep below
He could breakthrough,
but was too mesmerized by the mermaid's blinking fishtail and scaly skin.

And she saved him
From being turned into a merman
Only then he was back to square one
Where her laughters, her jokes and her sobs are actually his sugar crush, his Gatsby gold
As always, she was after all, his soul saver.

dreaming of the day
when i could be me
and you could be you
i'd love myself
and be happy, too.
my wrists would be clear
and so would my mind.
you would start eating
as you used too.
and maybe your under eyes
wouldn't be so blue.
but until that day comes
when we're hand in hand
i'll be dreaming of a place
called Neverland.

Hey *******, I  like what you did
Just not what you do,
Hey *******, dropping tears
On letter " its me not you"
clever letters, clever watermark,
Still smitten whats written ,
signed with a fake teardrop on top,
Oh I clutch and claw,and still you part.

Hey boy all play, playing your life away,
I like what you do, not what you did,
He plays like you, you should see,
he makes then rakes his sandbox family
And not too far from that ****** tree,
Oh *******,
Your words and smile,
Make me hope for a breeze that took your apple far,
But it took you away from me.

Hey player, playing in your own play,
thought you would perform everyday,
driving and paying to see it,
you will never know the feeling,
When the curtain went to the ceiling,
Family, friends....your play I rave,
I CURSE THE DAY I STARED INTO YOUR DARK DESERTED STAGE.

Hey *******, hey actor of "everafter,"
Busy writing a new play?
I like your acting--playing is laughing,
but he has a future and fortune,
My **** man I knew that nothing was after,
but I need to see you one more time,
you make future and fortune not matter.


Will the show return one day?
I understand,
The thrill and never still changing name playbill
Assures a girl, it never will.

"Ahh, the charm, laughing, acting--
The searching strobes from the overhead tracking,
Minute ripples in the curtain upon the stage?
The violins warming up that will never play,
the curtain ascends,
the lonely echos of your nervous clapping,
Now the future they warned would happen,
Real tears well up,  
Ushered out by my saline sadness."

There is no great guide and conductor
taking you through some great plan.
you wont get through any golden gates
because you were scared into doing good.
chances are chances and wishes are wishes,
not a preplanned destiny.
Do things because theyre right
not because some character in the clouds
told you to.

guide yourself through good and bad
have faith in that maybe we're responsible
for our own greatness.
have faith in us as a species and not a
sim-ulated play mate.

i sleep with a light on
because I'm scared of the dark.
my mind tells me there are dangers of the dark.
sleeping in the dark wont hurt me.
in many ways the dark is my light.
you might think so too.

I wish it were enough
To love your heart
But you have a mind in the way
I have a mind in the way

Future
Eyes
Money
The truth
It's all in the way

My anxiety and yours
My love and yours
It doesn't help us
Like it could

Love should be everything
So why is it so hard?
Why can't I be happy with you?

But who are you?

You might just be made up
You may not be real
Are you real?