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weronikaokaro Feb 2021
What is silence?
Im not talking about the sudden silence in a room full of people,
Or the sudden silence of the class that makes many uncomfortable,
Im not talking about the moment of silence requested when I wake up,
Im not talking about the moment of silence you get when you finally turn off your phone and toss and turn to sleep,
Im talking about the ability to silence your thoughts so you can think straight,
Im talking about the ability to silence the vioces that keep you up at night and control daily activies,
Im talking about a moment just a second of silence,
Just a moment when they are not shouting at me,
Just a moment when they are not trying to **** me,
Just a moment without internal torture,
Just imagine yourself standing in the middle of  a full football stadium with each and every person screaming at you,
Thats exactly how it feels in my head,
The vioces shout over eachother while I try to sleep but they always have something to say,
They always tell me what to do and what not to do,
How to sit, stand walk and even talk,
But most of the time thry shout at me for eating even if i didnt eat that day,
I am sick surrounded by invisable abusers,
I am a victim in my own mind,
And all i ask for is for silence
weronikaokaro Feb 2021
you claim that there is golden powder dripping from the edges of your fingertips like pixy dust,
you can make me beg for your touch,
but i try to resist
the man above is just a pretty delusion for us to hold on to something so bitter and sweet

i laugh at your tales
because in my mind, you will never curse me like you did those other girls with the pain or your love,
we're both immortal when we're together,
the devil and his mistress is what we should have been,
two angels that couldn't redeem well enough to see peace,

i like to think that i'm special to you,
like i am the only one you want,
the only one you look forward to seeing,
but we all know when you promise me something,
you giving me your airy words many time,
you have your fingers crossed behind your back,

i'm wondering if michaelangelo has finished the canvas painted on your body with ink, because my lipstick stains just don't do the trick anymore

your hands are not golden
they're charcoal
cold and dreading
and you're making me filthy with every touch so get your hands of me and leave.
weronikaokaro Feb 2021
Ladies and gentlemen please understand all good things come to an end,

Even the gifts that god sent,

He pulled up a picture of her and said "like her, the angle he sent from above who was the one person that I truly loved" he didn't understand where they went wrong, She cried every night and she tried to always heal herself on her own, "she never opened up to me and kept her pain to herself. Her eyes hid secrets that would hurt her if she even tried to remember even one." he said

He continued by saying "she changed everything and made my life worthwhile. She was the only one who cared when no one did, we smiled all the time. She really doesn't understand how much she means to me." he paused and stared remembering all he said to her and how he wore excuses on his sleeve, how he said he loved her but never showed it, he just stained his words on her and let them bleed through.

Then he put his phone away and said " I don't know if I will ever be happy again, she was my soul and my heart she gave me hope for the better future she motivated me to do better, I wish I told her how I felt about her before I let her go" his demons didn't believe any empty word he said and asked him " do you mean anything you just said because you haven't even shed a single tear over her? Do you really love her as much as you say?" he looks around and says "yes, she would deserve every rose I could get her but I am not no romantic, she was my world, my greatest treasure, I loved her so much that it couldn't be measured. I remember our first kiss and touch even though there wasn't much of them but enough for me to miss her, I wish I could go back in time to change everything."

That second he switches and rages out " what the **** did I do wrong I would always try to protect her, try to make her smile she left how ironic right? She was the one screaming men are trash, she just cut the ropes like that and left and took my happiness with her, what a *****, but now that she is gone I have awoken back to my old ways I go, she just sold me dreams no matter how real it seemed." he sheds one single tear even though he promised he would never cry over her, he looks down and says "it is what it is" and put himself to sleep.

She sat up and 3am talking to her demons as they are the only ones that didn't judge her. They looked her in the eyes and ask "princess why are you up? we are here now we will keep you safe." she looked at them and said " I cant sleep he ****** me up, don't misunderstand me, I knew this was all temporary even if I loved him did he really love me back, it wouldn't matter he wouldn't be able to live with me for the rest of his life, he doesn't love me like he promised, he swore up and down how he loved me but failed to show it, isn't that crazy?"

she crosses her legs and looks down "how could I just fall in love...why did I fall in love? Why didn't you stop me? He said he would never hurt me and how he doesn't want to leave my side he looked at my heart and saw how damaged it is then played with it a little, he will envy the next person that will step in to take his place." her demons said, "speak to us my child we are here to listen." she starts to tear up "everything I felt had been an empty illusion, explained by the way it left me in shock and confusion, my best dream became my worst nightmare, he just let me vanish is this love? He let me struggle on my own he left me when I needed him, I gave up on self-harm for him, he did what he did and that left me isolated and alone. I had to wake up to relies that all of this was a real lie!! To hate him I will have to relive every memory and hold on to every memory for as long as I can, he seemed to make my glass half full not half empty but all good things must have an end and he was the one screaming all girls are the same how ironic? he just sold me dreams no matter how real it seemed." she lays herself to sleep .

— The End —