Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
undesxred Mar 2015
you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. that is why I am scared. I am scared I will make a decision that I won't be able to be forgiven for. you make it out to be okay. nothing is unordinary because you experience quite similar happenings. you say it won't matter. I know it will. you say to give it a shot. I don't want to risk it. life is about taking chances. you are a chance I don't want to risk losing. I will not and do not want to lose you. I refuse. so I am playing it safe. I won't try to steal third base and take my chance at home plate. I will simply wait until I know it is safe to run. I will slide into home plate so gracefully neither one of us will realize what happened until we are 6 feet deep. submerged and fully unaware of the reality around us. we will have our own reality to surround ourselves with. my reality will, within time, be your arms wrapped around my waist laying on your bed watching a movie on a Friday night. and that is when we will say our I love you's.
undesxred Mar 2015
Goodbye.
That’s how I’ll start it.
A simple goodbye should suffice for all of the years I’ve been diminishing into the darkness.
Nobody seems to notice the way I carry myself anymore.
I think it’s funny because when I’m gone I know they will envision me as their best friend.
They will explain how I never showed any signs and I was such a nice girl.
Shutup.
Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!
They don’t know me.
Nobody does.
Only he who vowed to keep my secrets.
Only he who vowed to keep his promises.
He won’t find out until it’s much too late that I’m actually gone this time.
Not just figuratively anymore. This time I’m gone and there’s no going back.
No more am I a contradiction of dead but still alive.
I am now dead on the outside just as much as I am on the inside.
Let me apologize before I say goodbye.
Let me tell you I wish I could’ve made you proud.
Let me tell you how lousy I feel.
But don’t pity me.
I’ve spent too long taking pity on myself for you to do the same.
Know now that I love you.
I love you like a butterfly loves the sunlight.
And I say my apologies in regret to inform you of the terrible life I have led.
Please, I beg you, please.
Live your life.
Enjoy yourself.
Grab the bull by the horns and hang on.
It’ll be the time of your life.
undesxred Mar 2015
I long to feel weight against my body. anything to let me know I'm still alive. sometimes I long to feel your weight against my body. not even a piece of paper could fit between us. whispering your secrets into me as I take in your breath. breathing so heavily neither one of us can control our actions. interlocked as we reveal our deepest thoughts. our most marvelous desires. now they have been fulfilled. currently satisfying each and every one of our needs. becoming anxious at the thought of this taking action. like a movie scene. three, two, one, it's our time to shine. I long for the feeling to not feel at all.
undesxred Mar 2015
our demons played well with each other. played as in past tense. played as in they don't anymore. played as in they broke each other. played as in we are incapable of fixing ourselves. played as in there's no remedy to these broken souls. played as in we are lost & gone forever. played as in hide and seek. played as in we're hiding from our secrets. played as in let's find each other. played as in I apologize. played as in sorry can't fix broken. played as in we had our chance. played as in you said goodbye. played as in we walked away.
undesxred Mar 2015
my eyes burn from all this smoke in the air. smoke filled with empty promises nobody intends to keep. promises filled with regret and remorse. promises only made out of pity. self pity. we only think about ourselves. so to keep others around we must promise them promises they want to hear. tell them all the right things. because when you feel them pulling away you can't take it. you're always the one fading. like the smell of pine sol on a freshly mopped kitchen floor. forbidden, they are, to be the lemon scent leaving your nostrils. the narcissistic beings we are force them to stay with the words we choose. but we're the ones who go with words left unsaid. and that, my friends, is what an empty promise is.
undesxred Mar 2015
I want to be a good for something
not a good for nothing
I don't want to be known for the decisions I make
I want to be known for the chances I take
I don't want you to see me for who I aim to be
instead notice the real me
don't pay attention to the mask on my face
watch and I'll give you a trace
of who's really inside my mind
let's turn back time and rewind
to the little girl attached to her mommy's hip
now she's back talking and giving her lip
because this place isn't where she wants to be
she wants to be free
this isn't the place she wants to call home
tell me, what defines a home
a house isn't a home unless
you feel stressed
am I right
all they do is fight
can I leave can I be me yet
oh child don't fret
don't grow up too fast
once you're older you'll reach for your past
and you'll want to be that little girl attached to her mommy's hip again
undesxred Mar 2015
words roll off your tongue like a tidal
wave rolls onto shore
gracefully but crashing
careful yet careless
kissing the shoreline
kissing me
with ease and comfort
with butterflies in my stomach
I search your eyes for the next sentence to marvel at
Next page