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Anya Aug 2017
The day we started talking was the day you flipped the hourglass.
Our time was slowly slipping away the closer we became.
And deep down I knew that we would never last,
that our time together would just stay in the past.
We would never have a future and you taught me that.
So misplaced trust and misplaced feelings turned into me having to do a lot of healing.
My trust is shattered and my heart is broken while my love is sitting here, unopened.
I believed every lie you ever told and somehow I choose to think I'm not naive but you've reminded me that even friendly people can deceive.
I'm writing a story no one will read; the story of you and me.
The tale of a sad girl who gets her hopes up
and the guy who uses her until she breaks.
I was clumsy and I fell for you,
I tripped over every emotion you put on display, and yet I knew you would never stay.
So why am I here, why am I writing this
while you're running around with loose lips.
I thought you would stay true to your promise, thought you would at least try to be modest.
But you've been running your mouth and telling half-truths and I've learned that I'm just not in the mood.
I'm tired of the empty threats, tired of playing this game when there's nothing left.
Tired of being told it's all in my head when I'm just full of dread. This isn't the end nor the beginning somehow the whole time I had the story twisted.
My head became flooded with memories of those who've hurt me and listening to what I thought were lies just gave me more misery.
I'm sorry for losing my temper I'm sorry for pushing you away and now I understand if you don't want to stay.
I overreacted and you couldn't get a word in and maybe I shouldn't have been such a burden.
You won't admit it but I know that you were tired of my ****.
Because my feelings shine through and they always get the best of me, like the time we chilled at the movies.
Even though the film was rolling, we missed every scene getting distracted by each other's lips and other obscenities.
Maybe we moved too quick or maybe we just weren't a hit but either way I don't want to quit.
This feeling I have when I'm with you is a high like no other, a burning flame that can't be smothered.
I've returned to my bipolar ways and I'm sorry if we won't be okay.
I wanted to be with you and I still do the only problem is I don't know what you want to do.
Say we'll be together or tell me to leave us behind, if not I'll just stumble around blind.
Forgetting all the good times and the smiles you've put on my face, and even the times we've shared the same space.
All the sleepless nights and waking up late, the good, the bad, and our unfortunate fate.
Anya Aug 2017
I either want to scream or cry or maybe I just want to die.
Maybe that aching in my head will go away if I finally give in.
Give in to that little voice telling me to let go, telling me the world will be better without me.
Maybe that little voice was right all along and maybe giving in will be the best option.
I already have ways picked out, ways that will be simple and hardly hurt.
I could finally swallow those pills or I could go for a drive that ends it all.
I could cut open every scar on my body and lose every ounce of blood in my veins, that won't take long.
I've become numb to the pain of that dull razor blade.
I've learned to not have high hopes when everything ends in failure and the common denominator is me.
I'm the problem, I'm the reason everything ends, so maybe it's about time that I give in.
Anya Aug 2017
Love is a spell and I'm cursed by it. I'm captivated by the pain it carries.
The feeling is weakening but I hold on evermore.
Hoping it'll change, dreaming for no more pain, wishing for the day this is no longer reality.
Praying you won't go but always seeing you leave.
Making me just a convenience,
letting me drown in my sorrow then you'll show up when I'm at the point of jumping just to hurt me again,
you'd rather be the one to do it, to hurt me repeatedly.

The pain you cause is constant
never easing my sorrow,
never giving me enough.
I hold on long enough to give you hope and as soon as you see the light you let go then I'm neglected.
Feeling used and mistreated like a porcelain doll left to collect dust.
While you're away drowning too and when you finally come back,
there's too many apologies,
too many broken memories to fix what's been broken.

What's left to do but except fall back into routine
so we talk again but this vicious cycle never ends
sooner or later we don't talk anymore but we both are falling on our own time why not live in a false reality?
We're better that way anyhow.
Making eachother laugh, thinking of corny jokes and ways to flirt.
Inside jokes that are stupid too but they're not stupid to me and you.
People tell us not to do this,
we say we don't want to give up.
We'd rather be together than end for the better
and maybe it's an illusion
or maybe we just can't see
what it is we do
or how we're meant to be.
Anya Aug 2017
You're not the mother I've grown up with.
You no longer give me kisses at night or wake me in the morning.
You don't sing me lullabies or give me gentle warnings.
You've turned dark and cold with your constant complaints.
Because I'm such a disappointment and not a perfect little saint.
I get tired of all the tears so I try to stay laughing.
I have a life that I want to live but for some reason you don't want that to happen.
I want to experience what the world has to offer even if it brings me down.
I want to have some fun without you being around.
Some day I'll leave this ****** place, I'll pack my bags and never look back.
It'll be so simple that you'll never find a trace of me.
These are my goodbyes, so tell my friends I love them and to stay safe, tell them I'm finally done with this arms race.
Anya Jun 2017
I've decided that there is no sunshine in the rain,
No medicine that could ease the pain.
There is no future for people like me,
No possible way to ever flee.
Being trapped in the darkness all alone
And never allowing yourself to grow old.
Stormy days that never go away
And soon everything just fades to grey,
My vision is blurred and the only thing I'm able to see
Is the darkness living inside of me.
Anya Jun 2017
you ask what I want
but what do I say
because I want you
in every single way.
I want your hands on my waist
as you draw me near.
your lips almost touching mine
as you whisper "come here"
you pull me in tighter
as I breathe you in
but I look up to see
a mold of your sins.
you've already left me for another
but I stay and wait for you,
my ideal lover.
as I collect dust like a statuette
I'll once again see your silhouette.
you'll return
when I can no longer bear the loneliness
but who's to say you even care?
so you leave once more
and my love finally disappears.

— The End —