Hold my hand.
I'm not asking you,
hold my hand.
step back from the ledge you climbed up to,
take a breath,
hold my hand,
move back grab my fingers,
hold tight to my wrists,
grab at my elbows move past them
hug my waist
and i will keep you from falling the very least Ill you help you back up,
and like you,I  too  feel like falling,
late at night,
between the cold sheets and the corner room,
I scratch at the raw parts,
scars that I beg to heal,
I poke at the raw meat and the bruises,
I make believe and etch and sketch all in the same sequence,
but I offer this body,
worn and weathered,
I'll do my very best to shield you from the cold,
step back from the edge love,
I need you to see what you mean to me.

your love had limits.

your love,
wrapped in warmth,
soft socks,
long sweaters,
tea,
long chapters,
your love,
in degrees.

I fall deep in your love
in time with the seasons.

SPRING
brings
green tea and growth
between
the YOU
and the ME,
SUMMER
shines
and we heat up the sheets,
once used for mere sleep,
my fingers dance up your spin,
you give love to me every time,
but you don't know what you want
I know what I want.
I want you. I want you to be Mine.

and this is the FALL,
burnt orange,
crimson red,
life dying,
leaves falling,
Im constantly calling,
your name in the  littered streets cloaked in decay,
and the leaves their dying,
I am falling ,
over the edge,
over your edge,
down your walls,
I reach for your heart,
hearts beat,
beat.beat.
I listen to your feet pound the earth escaping sunsets, to sunrise,

And I am surprised after every time,
you pass on the Raggedy Ann,
and I boycott the bands you introduced me too,
though the melody already bleeds in me,
I feel the cold of winters fingers,
causing my hold on you to break,
my hold on truth to shatter,
it doesnt seem to matter
you ripped out my organs
and you are gone gone gone.

take.
it.



its all I have,
these words.
and I put these
words to paper,
but they are circling,
the garbage chute in my mind,
words I throw your way every time.

It was bonfires till the morning,
I wrapped up in the paleness of your skin,
and the embers darkening,
and camping in your backyard,
with you hands wrapped around me,
like you were falling,
but it wasn't you darling
I was the one falling,
into tenderness in sickness,
weakness attached to health,
and the regret of you existence,
married to the wealth of my emotions,
pressed tight between us,
was the seed of all my hope.

take it back.

and these are the pieces,
broken and un kept,
                                       * i am un kept*
splinters of a reflection,
of one I havent met yet,

and I dont know who I am,
I dont know where im going,

struggling on,
dancing to a tuneless song,
but I was the one to fall in love with the melody,
but I can't remember it's sound now.

i got lost playing hide in seek,
where are you now?

And I know the outcome of this,
I know how much it will hurt when I land,
Bruised and bleeding,

But I want to wrap my love around you,
Warm you up,
From the mind
down
And Iwant to get dressed in your insides,
The things you ve learned to hide,

Will you let me crawl inside your head space,
And hallow out a place so we me meet beside,
Your ribs to my chest ,

I dance for you my love,
Longing to do more then entertain,
Allow me to wake the dormant feelings
You promised once you'd never feel again.

Because you carve at my insides,
You cause world of warcraft to begin in my stomach,
While mere heart mumurs increase too a caterwaling of my senses till
I am bankrupt of all sound, left with mountains heaving to breathe

And Ido learn to breathe,
Longing to inhale the poetry you produce
In the wake of trails tattoed by spidery fingers,
That prove to be more poisonous then 1st thought,
Leaving me captured,

And I'm sorry but we haven't yet met,
I really wish we had met,

But lover to love
here is the reciepe for my disaster.

I come home to you like I meant too.
and I'm I meant too?
I sit my heart down for a chat,
but it's not listening,
I can't rationalize the feelings of my heart,
I can't turn to you and discuss the course,
and I am left lone dealing cards to the ghost of your love.

you carried me home,
again,
I am inebriated on the cheapest liqueur,
you've done this before,
you've held me,
and if we had to walk you made sure,
you walked on the outside
you know me,
and my tendency to conduct
traffic in the middle of the street,

if we drove,
you,
made patterns on my back,
smoothing out my dress,
or collecting all that I have taken off,
like a jaded version of Hansel and Gretel,
you are always picking up the pieces of the crumbs i dropped,
you forever in the friend zone,
and I am continually putting on and taking off,
creating intricate dances for strangers,

and you catch me when I fall,
I am forever falling,
wandering the woods looking for danger,
or maybe just another way out,
I speak to witches,
you pray to Jesus,
I used to call him mine.
and you hold my hand,
when I began another round,
of self infliction,
another bout of self destruction,
you stay my sword,
swords that nick my wrists,
that have found home in obscure location
but can be found in any provocation.

you stay my hands,
allowing me to yell and scream,
allowing me my anger,
you know it's just misplaced,
and I am just struggling to deal,

I recreate wounds that never showed up,
play house with the demons,
as they remind me I have been beaten,
with the words of an abuser,
I felt the tainted touch of emotional vice.

but you follow me,
lovingly,
consistently,
like a chain wrapped rigid around your heart,
and I feel in foggy delay,
so intoxicated with the ghosts of things that fester,
you are the only one who keeps me safe.

And I have loved you, even when it seemed like I didn't notice,
I know you hold my hair when porcelain tattoos my skin
and I am making love to tiles on the floor.

and with any and all parts of me that are good,
they have lived and survived because of you,
living in the wasteland you have become my sun.

your grace and love carry me,
though I am not as strong yet to live for them,

you have shown unmeasurable kindness,
to me,
and my knight to beat back my darkness,
I may not say it,
I should just say it,

*I love you.Forever and always.