love is a poison
that I took a sip of
it went down my throat
into my chest
and I looked down
all I saw was
my beating heart
and I watched
it shatter
into a  million
pieces.

tic
toc
says the clock
tic
toc
tears dripping off the clock
tic
toc
when will it stop
tic
toc
time runs dry
tic
toc
your life
will end
when the clock
says
tic
toc

I see the pain in your eyes
darling,
it will be ok
I'm here darling
I see my reflection in you
I have gone through it to
I'd rather lose somebody
than use you
I promise.
I love you darling
remember that
you. are. loved.

crying
sadness
sleeping too much
eating less
having frustration
hyperventilating
mental breakdowns
these are things society calls depression
but I see depression
as masking emotions
acting happy
putting a smile on your face
when there isn't room for one
being there for someone
when no one is there for you
so when you see someone smiling
don't assume they are happy
help them teach them love
because who knows
maybe you saved a life

I don't get angry
I burn
I don't get mad
I flare up
but I don't like that because
I don't
flare up
I don't
burn
I
set
fire
and watch it destroy
just like you destroyed me.

Do you think you're funny?
Well I don't think you are.
Do you think it's fun to walk all over me?
I don't think it's fun.
Do you think it's OK to play with me?
I don't think it's OK.
Matter of fact,
I think you're ridiculous.
What kind of man can do that
to a girl like me?
But I can't make it more complicated.
I love you
But you hated that I loved you
So I tried to hate that I loved you
Until it came to
I hated all of you
Because you thought it was so funny
to see me cry
to see me angry
So now I hate you
and hate that I loved you
and you should be happy
because a man like you needs
a girl to laugh at your jokes
and I'm not that girl.

I want to grow
into the bright,
positive young woman
I deserve to be
but your holding me back
let go
please
let
go.

Your love was a game
That I played
And I lost
what a stupid game.

I love you
but you hated that I love you
so I hated
that you hated that I love you
until you broke me
and I hated all of you
but you wanted me to love you now
but back then you hated my love
so I wont give it
I hate you
but you hated that I hate you
but its your fault

island
please don't drown me in your seas
just searching for a place where I can be
the water took me far away
searching for a destination day by day
floating off to find a place
the water rages but with grace
I see an island ahead somehow
wondering how I did not drown
looking to see the sands are fair
my boat will take me there
sunshine and rainbows come from there
but all I feel is despair.

she was alone
she had no one
so when she found someone
she was dancing with joy
because she was found
even though she thought
she was ugly
and worthless
but when he left
she cried
and he laughed
she broke things
and he called her crazy
this is how men like him
trap girls like her
and then leave
and think its funny
just
like
me.

what a loving person you are
your perfect
everything I could ask for
I don't know how you
ended up in my trash life
but you brought me happiness
I thank you
but now I wish as though
I were dead
because all I did was
make you up inside my
head.

look in the mirror
and see what
a beautiful person
you can be
I look in the mirror
and all I
see is a
ugly creature staring
back at me

pretty girls shouldn't
cry
pretty girls cant
cry
pretty girls have to
smile
pretty girls have to be
perfect
at all times.
don't
cry
or it will destroy
everything
that you have built
I have to be perfect
I Have To Be
because I'm a
pretty
girl.

rain on me
I want to feel the water
in my hands
I want to see the droplets falling
oh how pretty
the rain can be
oh how calming
the rain can be
so why do the kids say
rain rain
go away?

all I see is
red
when I think about
you

go ahead
take it
because you
know that's
all I
have you
know how
much I
care about
it so
take it
walk away
be proud
that you
hurt me
because I
deserve it
right? your
selfish.

we walked along a path
I had my hand in yours
I told you I was scared
you said it will be OK
we sat on a rock
and I looked at you
and for a split second
I realized what love feels like.
I fell in love with you
my eyes dancing with fire
we walked along the path
you let go of my hand and
looked at me you said,
"I don't like the look in your eyes,
I see nothing more than friendship."
then you walked away
and I sat there
with my heart ripped out
of my chest on the
path that I will never
cross again.

If I was falling
off a cliff would
you grab my hand?
If the world was
ending would you spend
it with me? if
I were to die
tomorrow would you cry?
would you come to
my funeral?
would you leave if
I were to express
everything? all you do
is hurt me so
please tell me

2 yrs
I was adopted after abuse with bio parents
Carla was my mom
Wayne my dad
they hated me due to my diagnoses
13 yrs
taken out of Carla's and Wayne's  house
due to abuse
hit
beat
scratched
hair pulled
dragged
threatened
13-15 yrs
put through foster system
in and out
never felt safe or felt I had a home
put in hospitals
put in placement
no where to go
16 yrs
I'm finally in a loving home
I'm getting adopted
I'm finally free.