Flower

Flower Aug 8

I want to feel love
I want to kiss in the rain and laugh as our clothes become soppy and heavy
I want to squeeze his hand before the drop of the rollercoaster
I want to stare into his eyes for hours
I want to sing silly little duets
I want to hold him while he sobs into my shoulder
I want to write him pages and pages of love letters
I want to be the poem instead of the poet
But will anybody want that from me?

Inspired by a line from a friend’s poem!

Flower Aug 8

The Loss of Nothing

Two boys liked me
Neither chose me
And so I’ve been left here
Craving one and missing the other
Knowing that really I wasn’t a choice at all

Two boys cared for me
Neither committed to me
And so I cry at night
Longing them and grieving myself
Knowing that neither of them was ever my love

Repost because it received no attention last time (hoping for better)

Flower Aug 8

Last Message

I sent my last message a week ago
A simple, passive, “hi”
Nothing meaningful or deep
Not a speech to make you cry
But you still didn’t respond
And so eternally I’ll lie

Pretend I never texted
Pretend I didn’t care
Pretend your lack of presence doesn’t make me pull my hair
Pretend your pretty face
And your stupid, fed-up glare
Don’t make me wish and crave to be the subject of your stare

But besides all of that longing
You know what’s worst of all?
I truly wholly believed
That you were going to call

Flower Aug 8

Who Am I?

I have been called many things in my life
Know-it-all and ditzy
Forceful and submissive
Serious and silly
Everyone has a different version of me in their head

And god, I can’t figure out what anyone wants
All of these words have been insults
Am I too much or too little?

I want to be like the girls who get along with everyone
Who can take a joke without anger but know how to clap back
Playful and fun but not stupid and fluffy

Everytime I try I just become insufferable
I don’t float with ease above the surface like they do
I plummet into the depths
Or I soar above the clouds
Entirely missing my intended goal

Please teach me to be likeable
I’m begging you
Someone
Instruct me
Mold me
Make me the way I should be

Flower Aug 6

Empty

The house feels so empty
Now that you’re gone
Each room feels vacant and lonely

I have no more friends here
Now that you’re gone
And I will miss you terribly

Flower Aug 5

Girlhood

When the girls in my grade argue
They come for each others appearances
It’s a game of fat and flat thrown back and forth
“Your stomach hangs over your pants like a waterfall”
“I hate girls with mosquito bite *****”
And it makes me worry
What if I were to argue with one of them?
What would they say about me then?

The girls who fight are objectively beautiful
Tiny noses and full chests
Long eyelashes and smooth hair
I’m not like those girls
What if I were to fight?
The truth would come out

Everyone calls me beautiful
But I promise it isn’t true
Because those same people send me videos on weight gain
Encourage me to wear push up bras
Ask me if I don’t wear shorts because my legs are so skinny
Beg me to straighten my hair
Call me a “books over looks” kind of person

I hear them talk to each other
“Stunning”
“Beautiful”
“Gorgeous”
But when their subject walks away
Those words disappear
In fact they’ll often take a negative turn

One day
I’m going to get into a fight
And the truth will come pouring out
And It’ll sting
But I’ll feel no surprise
Because it happens to the beautiful girls in my grade
So it will certainly happen to me

Flower Aug 4

Tubing

Splashing waves
Screaming in terror
Scrambling to grip
Soaring through the air
Smoothly landing
Smiling faces

Seeing the wave
Scraping the handles
Swearing your fate
Shutting your eyes
Spinning uncontrolled
Slamming the sea

Each year during the summer I travel to meet my family and we go tubing behind our boat. It is such a source of joy for me