It’s funny how people change
You think to yourself “nahh this person, can’t do me like that”
And almost as if they heard your thoughts, they prove you wrong
We went from friends to lovers to strangers and now even I don’t know what we are
What is this?
You only text me when it’s convenient or when I text you first
And then since I’m addicted, I get attached all over again and I start pouring out my heart
You act like you care, but a few days down the line we go back to being less than strangers
I  miss the days you talked to me cause you wanted to
When your messages were my alarm in the morning
When your words were the oxygen I depended on
When your smile was equivalent to my happiness
I sit now and think about everything, it all went by so fast
Like a nightmare I still don’t want to end
Twisted aching, but familiar
Like wounds I keep touching just to feel something
I scroll through old texts like I’m reading the Bible,
Looking for a version of you that still loved me.
Was it real?
Were we just killing time with borrowed emotions?
Did I imagine everything?
The warmth I felt when you  were around
The way you said my name like I was the only person that mattered
Now silence wraps around us like a fog
Thick, unspoken, cruel.
You left without leaving
Present in every ghost notification,
Absent when I need you the most.

I tell myself I deserve more,
That love shouldn’t feel like begging
That I shouldn’t have to shrink myself
Just to fit into your inconsistency
But then I see your name again…
And I like a fool, I hope.
Hope that this time you’ll stay
Hope that this time you’ll actually mean it

But maybe some hearts aren’t meant to be together.
Only survived.
So here I am,
Unlearning you like a bad habit.
Loving myself harder than the way you broke me,
And trying
Really trying
To erase the version of us that never really was.