I hate talking,
and the public.
I’d prefer to be alone,
left in my room
to rot on my own.
People ask to go out,
and I say yes.
But instead wish to drown.
It’s not that I hate you,
I just hate social stuff.
I get nervous from a call,
and when I text
I always have to double check.
I can’t speak without wanting to leave,
and I always pray for a way out.
Please don’t speak to me.
It’s not that I hate you,
I just don’t like interacting.
I’m antisocial and fowl.

Every night,
I think back to the time.
When we were still friends,
and I miss our late nights,
but it got toxic.
And I got scared.
So I left,
and you screamed.
That was unfair.
I blamed you for a while,
but I realize it was me to.
I was so scared,
that I bailed,
and I wish
I could go back.
Because I miss you so much.
And every night I cry,
thinking of why,
I left you.
It all just happened,
in the blink of an eye.
I want to apologize.
And say I’m sorry.
I would ask you to forgive me,
but you wouldn’t anymore.
And I understand.
So instead ill just say I’m sorry,
for everything I’ve done.

Light meets dark
Inside my heart
Battle between
Right and wrong
I’m broken Into parts
Angel vs devil
I try to decide
But both dominate
And I’m left
To keep switching sides
The dark slowly wins
And I begin to wither
My heart grows old
And I become bitter
The dark has won
I have lost
Take me oh darkness
To the place of the lost

I’ve changed.
I’ve grew,
and not for the better.
I used to laugh.
But now I wither.
I lie in my room and stare at my ceiling.
I wish I was different,
but times have changed me.
I’m not the same.
I don’t smile, I cry.
And I’ll watch myself die.
Because I’ve been changed,
that’s life.
Always a different person inside.
Change exists, and I hate it.
Take me to 2019,
when I wasn’t hated.
Change change, and more change.
Nothings ever the same.
Grow up, go back.
Life’s insane.
Oh, how I hate change.

I’m being watched by everyone,
and everything.
But still I’m alone.
Left in the dark,
being watched by the monster that is me.

I hate roller coasters.
Their bumps loops and drops.
I go on them to fit in,
buy I always want to stop.
My friends are scared.
They scream and need comfort.
I pretend to be fine,
because they need help not me.
My hearts just quietly thumping.
I ***** every time.
But still I must ride.
I smile and say it’s normal.
But it’s not I feel horrible.
They make me sick and nauseous.
But still I ride them.
Because I can’t be the one to disappoint.
So I’ll keep pretending I’m fine.
But deep inside,
I hate roller coasters.
I never want to ride them.
But I do for my friends.
Because theirs no other option,
I can’t be the wimp.
So I’ll just smile and then cry.
I hate roller coasters.
Please don’t make me ride.

Smile
      Cry
          Put on your mask
                And get ready to die
                       That’s our life just accept it
                             Then you can go silently hide
You can take it of alone
     Don’t complain to me
          It’s just human nature
               Go hide and blend in
                     You can’t just be
I’m so tired of this mask
      But what the other option
             Burden others with my past?
                       They wouldn’t like me anyway
                             That’s why we always hide
                                  And silently decay

But it’s ok mines not that bad anyway

I swear to god.
I’m being watched.
But not by a stalker.
By my own “family.”

I breathe, it’s noted.
I don’t eat and I’m looked at like a thief.
My sister skips 4 meals.
But it’s me who needs help.

I can’t breath.
Surrounded like a dog.
They say I have space.
But it’s fenced and I’m chained.

I thank you for my problems.
Now go ~~~~ of.
“Don’t eat!”
Then,
“Do!”
Make up your mind.
I’m to busy for this crying behind my door.

My parents are mad.
I hardly speak.
I stay in my room.
I can’t ever leak.
I’m sorry I don’t love like you.
Love is earned for me,
and I don’t like hugs like you.
Leave me alone.
I know it’s just a touch for you,
but I really really just hate hugs.

I don’t want to stand, but I don’t want to sit.
It’s like life’s lost its meaning, my flames been unlit.
I’m boring now, and I never know what to do.
I want to be active, but I won’t even move.
I try to think, but hate my thoughts.
There’s so much I must do, but im too tired to even talk.
I want to get up, but won’t.
It’s like my battery is all run out,
and now I’m left with a broken soul.
I always feel so…
Empty.
Useless.
Bored.
I no longer have purpose, I’m just so done.
I guess life’s chewed me up and spit me out.
That’s just what happens.
But now what do I do?
Because I really don’t want to sit here any longer,
and I’m just not in mood to stand to.

Medusa was wronged.
Killed because of a stupid god.
R@p&d and then thrown off.
Shamed to the end.
They made her.
Created her evil song.
Then Killed her because of another mans flaw.
Her killers were named gods,
while she sat alone surrounded by stone and rocks.
Why were we told,
she’s the monster.
The snake.
The killer and more.
We let the man make the story,
so the women could pay.
We believed with innocence,
because of her looks which were frayed.
Then when we learn the tale,
were told she did it on purpose.
“She was pretty, it’s her fault.”
“She seduced him, she was purposely hot.”
“She wanted the attention, it was consensual”
“What was she wearing?
It’s probably her fault.”
This story was told,
from the wrong point of view.
Medusa was just a girl,
r@p&d by some dude.
Blamed for his sin.
She paid his debt.
Then became a pawn in his stupid scheme.
Next the man wrote the story.
And she become his monster within.
So why do we let them tell our story’s?
Why do we fall into the morally wrong perspectives?
Medusa was a queen,
written by a beast.
That’s the whole story,
not one of some evil snake fiend.

My life is falling.
           It’s like I can’t see myself,
                   the words are getting smaller.
                             Someone, anyone help please.

I don’t understand why.
          Why this world has failed me.
                   Why I wish for pain.
                               Just so I can feel.

I’m so confused why life feels.
                                                 As.
                                                     If.
                                                       It’s.
                                                         Underwater.
                                                                Drowned.

Am I going insane?
    I’ve started counting days.
         Days till what,
              I can’t even explain.
                    How long have I been here?
                          When did I go insane?

Life is meaningless,
      I no longer see in a straight line.
             My sight is jacked up.
                 Just like my brain.

I don’t even know what I’ve written,
       what I’ve confessed.
              This poem is a mess.
                     That represents my failed brain.

Help me please,
   I’ve gone insane.
      My life has fallen.
          In drowning in pain.
               This is my final plea for help.
                     Before the demons enter,
                           and I’m gone into flames.

I want to say sorry.
I see now it was my fault to.
I ghosted you that’s not right.
Even if what you did was wrong to.
Deep down I miss you,
and wonder every night.
If you think of me as much as I do.
I wish we were still friends,
I know it’s my fault tho.
We’re both messed up ,
and I should have just been honest.
So I really want to apologize,
For not being true.
I left you in your hardest time.
Now there’s no going back.
No time left to say sorry.
So to anyone listening I’m really truly sorry.
Please, please forgive me.

Embarrassed
To speak
Shame
It makes me feel weak
Hate this feeling
I want to bury it deep
Hide in the shadows
So I’m not seen
I cringe at myself
And wish to run free
I have so much shame
It’s eating at me
Help me escape
Before the shame defeats me

Lifes a game.
You must be ten steps ahead.
Play chess, while they play checkers.
Really I don’t know how to play either.
I’m behind stuck in checkmate,
cornered now stuck in a fork.
My brain is starting to go insane.
I can’t trust anyone in this game.
I start to wonder,
who am I really playing against?
If feels like I’m playing me vs me.
Im so far behind I can’t even see
who’s playing this messed up game with me.
I must work overtime so im not blocked.
I must think ahead so im not lost.
But im starting to understand,
im gonna be ready now.
Because now im playing 3d chess,
and your stuck in checkers.
So you better be ready.

What to do.
What to say.
What to write.
I feel trapped in every way.
Theirs nothing I want to do,
but lay around all day.
It’s my own problem.
But it makes me hate everyone.
I just can’t get up,
but I should.
I guess life’s burnt me out,
and left me to drown.

Goodbye childhood,
you’ve been taken away.
Now im left to deal with adulthoods messed up craze.
I’m not that old, but my back feels so heavy.
I miss being young and playing dumb games,
Instead now I’m left to study with pain.
Life’s burdens and troubles,
they break us down.
They steal our old loves,
and leave us alone to drown.
My childhood gone,
I guess it’s time to say, goodbye.
Goodbye to young joys,
and hello to old pains.
Childhood is gone, wellcome to your new chains.

I’m sorry I grew up.
Sorry the world changed me.
Sorry I can’t be the sun anymore,
but now I know what exists beyond like the darkness; not just light.
I still want you to love me.
But you only do when I give you a stupid hug
I can’t be the same as someone I don’t know,
I can’t just change.
And pretend the pain doesn’t remake me.
I don’t know why you expect me to just lie.
So I’m sorry I grew.
I know you hate me now, I do to.
But we can’t go back.
The past has changed me; I grew.

I have so many words to say,
but my thoughts they cloud my head
like a tornado of words, that I can’t quiet see through.
Theres also my thoughts,
which make me wish I were dead.
My thoughts may be loud, but I am quiet.
I may think so big, but I will still say so little.
Overwhelmed by thoughts I wish to let escape,  my thoughts will stay

Why don’t they trust me
Am I judgmental or a fool
Will they me leave so they can be cool
Do they care or are they even there
Am I alone because of me or you

I think so often if you really like me
Like do you talk bad about me with others
Or are you friends with me only because your nice

I promise I won’t pity you
I just want to know you
I promise to not judge you
Just be my friend
I promise to always answer
I just want a friend that I can call
I promise I’ll be better
Please just trust me

It’s the same fight every time.
It’s never related to the problem.
But somehow still the reason.
Months ago, but still my bad.
It only happened 1 time. It wasn’t that bad.

I’m sorry you aren’t my only friend.
But you don’t care your not mine.
So why must I always pay for your obsession with control.
It’s you doing it now, but it’s me you yell at.
Please stop, give me a break.
I have other friends, and that’s okay for everyone, but me.
So I guess keep yelling, I’m ok.
At least I forgive.

“What I would give for your life, it’s perfect.”
My life is perfect, so I have to be perfect to.
I must be grateful, keep the demons inside.
Hide.
Never get mad.
Even when I’m being cursed out.
It’s not my fault, but the blame’s always mine to take.

My issues I keep.
Others always vent to me.
So who am I left with to tell.
I try.
And am denied.

My life is perceived in a way.
And I can’t correct them.
So I let myself drown trying to keep my life’s mask that way.

I’ll die trying to keep my mask.
To blend in.
And let others cry to me.
Even tho I cry myself to sleep alone.
Ill die trying to keep my perfect mask.
Because I’m grateful, and am told
oh what people would give for me life.
But what would I give for theirs to.

I’ll probably never tell anymore.
They wouldn’t care anyway.
Because who would?
My life’s perfect, just like I should be.

I’m tired, but I just can’t sleep.
I’m hungry, but won’t ever eat.
I hate that I’m quiet, but will never speak.
I miss my mom, but wont try to seek.
I hate myself, but am not trying to be better.
What’s wrong with me, why am I letting myself wither.
Is this my life, just reduced to litter?

Why do I always overthink
I wonder if they like me
Anxiety it always creeps in
I start to get insecure
I don’t know what’s real anymore
Sometimes I think its all just fake
But life’s not kind enough for that break
I wonder what to do because I know I’ve cracked like a simple vase
I guess I’m just insane

I’ve always wondered,
why they like her better.
I always agree,
even when they storm of
or yell at me.
She slaps you,
but you still hate me.

She’s older.
She’s cooler.
She’s better than me.
I’m just depressed and never say anything.
I get it I’m introverted, but I try for you.
But it’ll never matter because she’s just cool.

She goes on her phone,
while I do everything you say.
I play your stupid games,
while she laughs and I get blamed.
I’m still in the shadows,
forgotten.
The 2nd one seen.
The one always picked after she never agrees.

You’ve all never liked me .
I have other friends, which makes you yell at me.
But she brings hers over, and she’s still better than me.
I listen to you vent.
Only for you to yell you hate me.
I follow you around,
all so you can say I hate you and leave me stranded looking like a leach.
I say yes to everything you ask,
but I still never do anything for you.
All this (my) hypocrisy kills me.

Every time you see her you fight,
but you forget by next time.
So you of course like her better every night.
The moment I leave your already all over her.
And sometimes I just blink and your gone.
I was to slow, it’s all happening to soon.
You can be mad at her for something,
but not care and forget about me the next second.

But sometimes I get why they like her better.
Shes nice at the end of the day,
And more fun to have play.
She knows how to act.
While I am just cracking like an old back.
I like her better to.
So I can’t really blame any of you.

And deep down I know it’s my fault.
I’m not as loud or funny.
Not as pretty or bubbly.
Im not the victim, just the civilian.
I should have been better.
I should have always listened.
I guess I’m just the 2nd option.

I love the shock of cold for the first time,
the cold cruel pain so real and vain.
I love the way fresh blood feels under my veins.
It’s satisfactory in some weird messed up way.
I need to breath,
its the only way.
I should stop,
but then my breaths might become delayed.
It’s a never ending storm of ****** haze.
But I still won’t stop any day.

Love isn’t a object that you can thrown away.
Love isn’t toy you just play.
Love isn’t a game you try to best.
Love isn’t a 2nd choice to not choice today.

Love is real.
Love you hold dear.
Don’t throw your love away, and don’t let it leave you.
Love it’s important and it need you.
Don’t abuse it, or harm it, and if you do then let it go.
So love who you love and make sure to keep them close.

How do we know that blue is blue?
Or that these words rhyme or are even true?
Why do we believe what we’re told.
We question things, but never try to change them and do the untold.
Who decided what’s pretty and why did we listen.
This world is wicked and cruel,
and I don’t understand what were supposed to do.
What’s the point of life and who got to decide.
I want to write my own story, but don’t know how to even find mine.
I question everything like; what if blues orange.
What would we do, we can’t change it now.
And would we even want to
Words are a figment of our creation only held back by our minds.
We create what we are, and we live on our own line.
Blues blue, because we said so and no one else was there to correct us.
So till someone changes up the rules, I guess that’s all we can do.
Just believe in what we think is true.
So for now blue will stay blue.

If dreams were real I’d fly away.
I’d live in a place where monsters stayed at bay.
Our lives only controlled by our will and words.
There’d be no ruler we’d live like a herd.
We stay together, and leave no one behind.

No fights, no war.
No hatred, no discrimination.
No bullying, no torture.
Just us and our freedom.

So if dreams were real I’d sure not be here,
because our world is filled with monsters that are held dear.
We have no control, and instead live in fear.
Were controlled and taken, we care for no one but ourselves

Lurking in every corner of our would is satan.
Ready to spring at all times is temptation.
We need to be ready to fly away to our imaginations,
so this place can’t keep a hold on us, or our creations.

So go, and go now.
Try to find anywhere, but this world with no dreams.
So, good luck to you, and good luck to me.