What to do.
What to say.
What to write.
I feel trapped in every way.
Theirs nothing I want to do,
but lay around all day.
It’s my own problem.
But it makes me hate everyone.
I just can’t get up,
but I should.
I guess life’s burnt me out,
and left me to drown.

Goodbye childhood,
you’ve been taken away.
Now im left to deal with adulthoods messed up craze.
I’m not that old, but my back feels so heavy.
I miss being young and playing dumb games,
Instead now I’m left to study with pain.
Life’s burdens and troubles,
they break us down.
They steal our old loves,
and leave us alone to drown.
My childhood gone,
I guess it’s time to say, goodbye.
Goodbye to young joys,
and hello to old pains.
Childhood is gone, wellcome to your new chains.

I’m sorry I grew up.
Sorry the world changed me.
Sorry I can’t be the sun anymore,
but now I know what exists beyond like the darkness; not just light.
I still want you to love me.
But you only do when I give you a stupid hug
I can’t be the same as someone I don’t know,
I can’t just change.
And pretend the pain doesn’t remake me.
I don’t know why you expect me to just lie.
So I’m sorry I grew.
I know you hate me now, I do to.
But we can’t go back.
The past has changed me; I grew.

I have so many words to say,
but my thoughts they cloud my head
like a tornado of words, that I can’t quiet see through.
Theres also my thoughts,
which make me wish I were dead.
My thoughts may be loud, but I am quiet.
I may think so big, but I will still say so little.
Overwhelmed by thoughts I wish to let escape,  my thoughts will stay

Why don’t they trust me
Am I judgmental or a fool
Will they me leave so they can be cool
Do they care or are they even there
Am I alone because of me or you

I think so often if you really like me
Like do you talk bad about me with others
Or are you friends with me only because your nice

I promise I won’t pity you
I just want to know you
I promise to not judge you
Just be my friend
I promise to always answer
I just want a friend that I can call
I promise I’ll be better
Please just trust me

It’s the same fight every time.
It’s never related to the problem.
But somehow still the reason.
Months ago, but still my bad.
It only happened 1 time. It wasn’t that bad.

I’m sorry you aren’t my only friend.
But you don’t care your not mine.
So why must I always pay for your obsession with control.
It’s you doing it now, but it’s me you yell at.
Please stop, give me a break.
I have other friends, and that’s okay for everyone, but me.
So I guess keep yelling, I’m ok.
At least I forgive.

“What I would give for your life, it’s perfect.”
My life is perfect, so I have to be perfect to.
I must be grateful, keep the demons inside.
Hide.
Never get mad.
Even when I’m being cursed out.
It’s not my fault, but the blame’s always mine to take.

My issues I keep.
Others always vent to me.
So who am I left with to tell.
I try.
And am denied.

My life is perceived in a way.
And I can’t correct them.
So I let myself drown trying to keep my life’s mask that way.

I’ll die trying to keep my mask.
To blend in.
And let others cry to me.
Even tho I cry myself to sleep alone.
Ill die trying to keep my perfect mask.
Because I’m grateful, and am told
oh what people would give for me life.
But what would I give for theirs to.

I’ll probably never tell anymore.
They wouldn’t care anyway.
Because who would?
My life’s perfect, just like I should be.