He skips the candy, cant have no birthday cake
glucose, insulin, tries to regulate
He's got more rules than he deserves and it ain't fair
tells me I'm still pretty with my crooked bottom tooth and grey hair

He's got a laugh that feels like north carolina sun
his talk is light even when his day is a heavy one
his roof might leak when the clouds roll through
But he still asks, “Hey Nic how are you?”

and I don't know how he stays so kind
With all the problems and the **** on his mind
can’t touch sugar, not too much
But he’s sweet with every word and every now and then I crave his touch
he sends me his chill vibe music he makes for fun and it makes me feel whole

He’s sugar to me, sugar to my soul
Treats my heart like they did in the days of old
He's Sugar to my soul
Sugar to my soul
sugar to my soul
He's sugar
and I want the spikes

His family treats him like he's so small
But he stands almost 6 feet tall
He gives and gives to them and then gives some more
he washes their dishes when his feet are feeling sore

He talks like someone who still believes
Even though his illness, nowhere beat
He doesn’t ask me for sympathy
Just someone to see what he sees
and I see it
Oh I feel it
and he pours over me like honey

He's sugar to me
Sugar to my soul, treats my heart like they did in the days of old
sugar to my soul
He's sugar
and I want the spikes

He can’t eat sugar, not a lot
But he gives me all the sweet he’s got
And when the night feels dark and cold
He’s sugar, sugar to my soul
Yeah, he’s sugar to my soul, treats my heart like they did in the days of old
He's sugar to me
and I want the spikes

sugar to my soul
and it wont be too much for me
no sugar limit for me
he's sugar to my soul
Sugar, ohhhh
yeah
sugar to my soul
He's sooo sweet like in days of old
he's so sweet to me

She floats on air bet you she could walk on water if she tried
She's a
a summer butterfly in the amber sky
Black Sequins on her shoulders
She remembers the words of her Italian grandfather
"My pain is bad but I'd rather keep my ***** shoes."
Selling the dreams she can barely use

Evil queens hum like a warning bell
While someone down the street tries to sell, sell, sell
her grandmothers faux ruby ring on her finger as she burns sage
The kind of charm you buy when you can’t buy a younger age

She says, “Time’s a thief, but I still fly
With a winged heart, baby, and a
Texas storm in my eye

Oh, the fireflies light up her fight
Dancing like ghosts of what she once was in the heat of the night
Magic in the madness of this tragic tale, enchanting glitter in the grime
She's just trying to survive and call it divine
Aging like wilted red roses, badly bruised by love but alive
Still chasing the wind, still learning to fly
Summer butterfly

Jennas eyes in the mirror, tracing her every line
Says “We were golden once but we’re still fine”
But the ground is cracked and the skies don’t lie
The days get heavier as they go by

People smile with their pockets turned
Try to sell hope they never earned
But she
still shimmers like a half gone spell
in a world that forgets how to wish you well


She says, “Even stars fade, but I burn bright
With a winged heart, baby, and a rebel light”

Oh, the fireflies light up her fight
Dancing like ghosts of what she once was in the night
Magic in the madness of her tragic tale, enchanting glitter in the grime
She's  just trying to survive and call it divine
Aging like red wilted roses, bruised by Love but alive
Still chasing the wind, still learning to fly
Summer butterfly

Summer butterfly, don’t fade away
You were born for the fire and the break of day
With your winged heart wide, and your sister near
You’ll outshine the dusk, year after year


Summer butterfly… still learning to fly...

I first pondered my own existence when I was just a girl
growing up in the mid to late 1990s of New York City
We lived in a small alley apartment
where the walls knew all my mothers secrets
my father exposed the brick wall underneath the plaster, a cool look before its time
ahead of his time he always was, but he couldn't reveal it all
his tongue was tied
and those linoleum floors held echoes of his singing voice
the one he buried when life pulled him too far from himself
imposed upon to hide

This was when women began having a voice
when the Spice Girls screamed power to the world
I'd walk to the street corner deli and get Spice Girls gum and lollipops
I looked like a little version of Posh everybody would say
A neighbor Cindy loved Hanson more than anybody in America
those boys sung of some kind of lively electric hope
this was when Titanic broke my heart
before I even knew what love was

Clintons name was said often
Monica was a shadow they threw stones at
and we were told who to blame
before I even knew what shame meant
Blue nail polish on my sisters nails
my uncle dying of stage 4 cancer
he wanted to spend his last days blasting his favorite music
this was when when I began to sing
and soon
a Patty Loveless twang was born into my throat
and the Rolling Stones blended into my blood
"To have you Back Again," playing in the car on the way to the hospital
The Tattoo you album I used to trace my fingers along
and study
now I do the same thing to my own heart and soul

NYC summers were spent intensely looking at flowers grow out of concrete
those pictures mom took of me outside on those plastic chairs
the Twin Towers were still touching the sky
the smell of roasting caramel vanilla cashew nuts
my Muslim friends
when innocence knew no end

Dinner at five
Walks to the bakery where Grandmas friend Franka
wrapped semolina in a napkin like treasure
We’d give our leftovers to Russel
the WWII vet with war still in his eyes,
and Krissie, his precious dog who knew
how to save a man without words

I played with Barbies
because my sister left me
not slammed door left
but drifted
somewhere sadness took her first

And Mom was there
but more shadow than mother
Checked out.
Anorexic.
Shrinking before my eyes
more ghost than woman
I recall being afraid of her

I was safest with Dad
and I wandered into his tool room
he lined up his screwdrivers like dolls
and I held the heavy metal in my small hands
solid like his love
if only he could tighten the world back into place

My cousin like the flame of a candle gone too fast
taken by something too cruel for a child to understand
The grown ups spoke in coded grief
their eyes red
their silences louder than screams
and I felt it
Grief had an empty seat at our dinner table

now I'd give all my dreams
and give up my home if I ever had one
and all I ever did know
to have those days back again
its not behind me
its the love that reminds me
I have not changed Patty

id stand in the rain and drown in the river of time
to have those days back again
oh 90's let me back into your arms

Im in a long term relationship with the Hands of Time
but, sometimes I don't want them touching my soul at night
Guess we been together, way too long
The 33 year old itch has now become a haunting song that I don't want to sing
I feel like I'm sitting in an old theater house, tearing as I watch old black and white films of a fallen queen and king

Seems these keepers of the hours don't know
that I dance with my ghosts of womans past
the tug of war inside, or the questions that I ask
Sometimes, it feels like they just left me behind
when she was alive
by the light house in Montawk in the summer of 99

I'm in a marriage, married to the Angel of Time
Sometimes I cant stand the sound of it's tick, it meets me with terror and fright
Im fooled after I fall for it's tricks, then soon after I fall sick
Seems these keepers of the hours don't care that
I try to hold onto my birthday balloons that dad got me, for as long as I can
But time won’t wait for no woman, they're deflating like the time that is slipping away
through my own hands
Everyday
I miss him when he was was alive
when wed take
our searching for the best Christmas lights treasure hunt drives

But then Time
it kind of stops 
when I need it the most
my heart is a clock
my heart is a clock
and the hands of time
they can be so ugly and cruel
but they're forgiving too
Like when you Fall in love
and 8 am takes forever to turn into the Am hours of 2
And you wonder
How did I extend the hours?
Maybe, magic lives in the hours
Maybe Time can be our
Power

Time it can kind of stop
when I feel like a squeezed out sponge and ***** old mop
my heart is a clock
my heart is a clock
and the hands of time
they can be so cool
but they're mean too

Like when suddenly
something that happened 20 years ago feels like todays news
And you wonder
How did I miss all the hours?
Maybe cruelty and thievery dance together in the hours
Maybe Time steals our power

my heart is a clock
Tick Tok
my heart is a clock, wishes for tomorrow
with every hour comes a little sorrow
my heart is a clock
tick tok
Il mio cuore e un orologio
e in ogni ora vive papa


Inside the clock
the hands don’t know how to live as one
they push and pull
in a wedding dance that’s never done
that's what friends are for
supposed to stay
but the hands of time will run

im still dancing to dads guitar riffs
my heart is a clock
it never forgot

As a child, she innocently climbed the branches of her backyard tree...
the mother once reached for the truth in the sky...
But the tree held her in its grasp
And so the woman in white lace
had to climb down
and say goodbye

A glass shattered on the ground
Reflections of a life once whole...
Black stones scattered at her small feet
Vanity's price took its toll...

Oh, the woman in white lace with a conch shell pressed to her ear
wants to listen to the oceans call
But her heart is made of tin
and she can't
hear
she can't hear
True beauty
falling on mermaids deaf ears
her quick to run away fins
icy blue tears

A cry escapes the mothers lips..
A plea for freedom, for release
But the tree's hold is unyielding
Her struggle never ceased

and in the silence of the Ireland night..
sometime's the tree releases its grip
and the mother falls to the ground,
Her spirit begins to lift... a little bit...
but not enough to hear the sound
of..wind and water

The woman in white lace turns around
There's a mirror...and
She knows deep inside,
She wants the truth to be
nearer
for her daughter
But the trees grip
is too strong
So she'll climb down
who says surviving is wrong

And the daughter has to climb up that tree
all alone......
in the dark of night

And the daughter becomes
the woman in white lace

There lives an hour glass in my heart
Captive to time, it haunts me hard
Ticking clock deep in my chest
Prisoner to what I detest

Come on, you can take it some more
Some more smile to fake the war

There lives a gate in my heart
Captive to its garden, it locks me in, every piece, every shard
Growing thorned roses way deep in this soul
Prisoner to what I don't know

Come on, it's just pain, take just a little more
Some more armor to fake your *******

his heart lives inside of my hour glass
and he's letting the last of him slip through my hands
every day that he burns my candle a little more with no remorse
he casts the shadow of what was once our love
onto a broken course
leading to a hauntingly unconditional love song lullaby
and I see his face in my shattered blue sky
once the truth
now the lie
Oh I stood at the edge of time
wishing his ghost wasn’t still mine
wishing his ghost wasn't mine
but I loved him so

Sand glass...turn upside down again
take me back to where we could begin
Frozen moments in the wildfire
But he wont hold them, not again
sand glass, do you see him now?
once a boy
now a man
the clock don’t lie, but it don’t heal
what he gave me was far too real
before he became a man
darker than the writing on the wall
slipping through my soul
like sand
his bird now has no call
I cant sing to him now
Sand glass, do you see me now
once a sick lass
now a warrior

Mirror, mirror, cracked and cold
You never warned me love grows this old
Time, she dances, wild and free
But she never dances back to me

Sand glass...one last fall
Write our love story on the wall
Let the fight be my song
I’ve been here waiting far too long
Sand glass, the time is through
And now it’s me I must be true to

Oh dear, I held your love like water in my hands
But it slipped like hourglass sand
now you speak in riddles and rhyme,
looking back
you were always somewhere outside of time
You said the stars would guide us true
But they burned out before I knew

Hourglass sand, falling fast
Can’t outrun the shadow of the past
Mirror cracked, but still it stands
our names trapped in hourglass sand
Tell me, was it ever real?
Or just a dream we couldn’t feel?

Your voice remains in every room
A faded rose that never bloomed
Hourglass sand, silent fall
Time don’t answer when you call
Moonlight fades, and stars disband
But I still reach through hourglass sand
Trying to hold what slipped right through
Trying to forget the truth of you
or were you a lie


Mirror, mirror, tell me this
Was it love, or just the mist?


Hourglass sand, now I see
The one I lost was never me
Let it fall, let it stand
What we were, just

inside the hourglass
your heart has grown far too cold
and I loved you unconditionally

I was just a kid back when tapes were put in slow
Back when my uncles cancer let me know...
that dull aching pain can sing pretty...and pretty can cry
when Jagger whispered truths even a 4 year old girl
couldn't deny
From wild horses to tattoo you
I learned what the broken boys do
Oh, the rolling stones
I am forever bound to you....
childhood living was easy to do with you around
my voice was laced with micks magic....
Im all very real you see...and up my sleeves
nothing but a good heart, no cheap trick

Wild horses...running inside me
******* heart beats like a drum
raised by riffs so I ain't ever numb
The songs were my uncles gifts to me
Now those wild horses tear through my heart and
I truly see

start me up was more than a spark
It lit up the corners of my dark
Yeah, I grew up to Tattoo You
Rolling Stone blooded and always true
If you listen close you’ll see
Those wild horses still run free
in me

You ask what I want and I know you'd like to think its your hands on my skin
But love, i’m a priestess
living in a far away temple within
you could never go to this place..

and most of the time, I don’t crave a body..I just crave a face
I want a holy possession
when they say
my name

Honey this sn’t romance..it’s my rite, a call
to shatter the madness and the lies once and for all
I crave the dark light, the sacred tone..
To sway in the majestic
of my singing voice alone

It’s been caged in shadow, captive in broken dream
What I need is to burn on stage, where I’m meant to be
No lover can touch what I ignite
My war, my worship, my birthright
What I’m after... is my soul

You ask what I want and I know you'd like to think its red roses
But love, i'm a gardener
and I got my own bouquets
and you could never..ever...
see my place

and most of the time, I don't crave your ***
most of the time, I just want...

someone there
as I dance
to myself

Selfish woman I am
Sable on Blond...I'm in a fight
forever with my own hell
right and wrong

I need my stage
I need my song
You have taken a part of me for sure love,
but I'm not yours to hold
Time to fly away
if you didnt know
Im
a
bird on a wire
Island dove

Whistles while he works
A beautiful smile to hide the hurt
engines and steering wheels put him at ease
He's the root to my tree
Makes the pain look like art
Eagle eyes and a lions heart

Dad strummed guitar in '74 in his room
before I was even a star in his sky
back when Pink Floyd made him cry
his fingers bleedin
when he felt the magic of the dark side of the moon
when Syd Richard david Roger Keith Nick and Bob
Lent their Enchantments
to the post war world

I’ve always wanted a golden heart locket
To hold something real inside of it....
But when I stand on top of the mountains that I climb
I'm reminded once again
that I'm just so small
Still I crave for a place for love
if love should call

My wish list isn’t long these days
Cooler air, marigold haze

This heart is becoming comfortably numb
I've always wanted a knight
to save me
But when I stand besides the ocean I'm reminded once again
that life is not a fairy tale
still I crave for heaven
had too much hell
too much cold steel rail
I think I can tell
that it's been more pain
than blue sky
I can tell
its gotten me to....
exchange lead roles in cages for...
my loneliness..
cost of freedom


Wishes
is my heart another brick
in the wall
of....
Lying love

How I wish
it didn't hurt
Oh how I wish
we weren't lost Dad
And that we weren't scared of the same thing
Wish you were
my king

Wish you were here
Now my fingers bleed
for that 70s rock teenage boy and his crooked smile
No matter what painful melodies I strum to
I come from you,
I come from
The dark side
of
That moon

Dark roast coffee got me spinning around and my hands can't stop shaking...
and for a second, my eyes meet the mirror ....who's that girl...or woman....
with the princess bride frown?
My ex moves like a riverside ghost, no message and no signs...im aching.
left me haunted in the morning
got me trapped in my own mind.....wish I could say all these lessons were free
but oh what a very costly fine....
Men seem to come and go like my grandmothers blue glass ash tray dreams that don't stick
to women like us ..... soft heart and mind quick
who's loving me when the sun starts to set?
cause, I’m still alone in a queens bed..

I want magic, not just smoke
want a touch that don’t feel like a joke
I’m a Gypsy moon spell...
I’m a once in a 500 year storm, I’m the post war heartache and the museum art
If I write it down maybe I won’t fall apart
Give me pleasureable love.... give me truth for breakfast
Chocolate lips...morning sunken sea eyes
I’m reckless
its all my fault
Cause I needed to eat, im a poetess
For me to write, I need to die

Scroll past my pain....no one even sees
A message left on read like I’m just September 11th debris
Don’t need your answers... might not even need your love
I need my singing voice
a chance to share it to the world, like a magician I want to release
my white magic dove
I need a pen
Oh the pain. Oh the suffering
Lord, its been enough

I don’t need forever, just something that stays
A pulse in my fathers silence, a spark in my mothers excruciating haze
I’m not too much.... but I'm also way too alive
If you're my knight
Don’t ever dim my shine
just to survive
I got a joan of arc inner fight

I want magic...not just mirrors and smoke
Want a kiss that don’t burn when I choke
I’m a fortune tellers spell, I’m a dying flame
I’m the bone and the break
If I sing it loud, maybe I won't shake
give me pleasurablelove
give me truth for breakfast, that's my true desire
Queen bed dreams, I’m messy, I’m restless
You want water signs
but I'm an Aries
fire

So I write like it's holy, I write because I must turn pain into rhythm
turn meaningless ******* into dust
I want magic ...and I am it
I want love ...and I’ll **** it
until its mine
Joan of arc
My time
is coming