ghosts of cherry blossoms bloom beneath moonstone forest light
castles crumble and I’m losing the fight...
but I walk like durga with eleven watchful eyes
and each arm bears a weapon and it gives me such pain
but I know that
within me is a sword to cleave the chain

I ride the lioness of my good will.. and somehow im unbroken
claws for grace in every word of mine unspoken
trident in my heart to balance the three
Sattva, Rajas, Tamas
the superstar, the daughter, the bird that lives on the sea
all parts of me

Falls from the towers, wings in the dust
If tomorrow never comes, at least I’ve felt us
and i'm remembering love in a boat set to sail
and each tear is a pearl weighing down
Nicoles mermaid tale

maybe this pain is a beauty to bear
A burden that silver lines my murky water despair
Abuse and bruises.... the price of my musicality themed art
but in my brokenness, I start to restart
hopelessness whispers to me, but I hold the knife
A moonstone heart that still wants life

falls from the castle and my gown now rent and torn
Each arm a reminder that my body can be reborn...
If there’s a reason... I’ll turn it to song
A witch’s lament or an armor strong
Ill have to choose
I don't want let you go but sweetheart its
me or you

Boats of remembering drift on nights sea
pearls of sorrow clinking and clattering soft to my heart beat
I was near the edge..thought I’d taste the end
But found songwriting in the scars I can’t mend
If tomorrow never comes let me at least be
A goddess in ruin
still setting me free

Yes, this pain is the beauty I bear
Pearls on my nightstand, moonlight in my hair
Falls from the castle...I thee depart...
Broken and sacred.. this is my heart

Do I have a chance at life beyond my watery cage?
A sustaining soul to turn the page?
Or is the cost too heavy
will the light scorch and blind?
Mermaid caught in currents
torn between two kinds

I thee depart
This is my start

dandelions on the side of the road
symbols of hope.. are the weeds where the wild things grow
dad used to call them wishnics...and he said my name like a Texas spell
I’d blow on the seeds but i never could tell
if the wish ever heard me
If the wind ever cared
But they popped up around us
like someone was there

new york weeds in the cracks, my gold dusted disguise
Like the ones we loved and lost, above the skies
Whistling my favorite songs in the breeze
I'm Rapunzel in a house no one sees
Black Widow spider web, blue green dragonfly wing
What kind of magic do the weeds bring?

the flowers are not born, they just appear
no one plants them, they're just here
Like me..just growing alone
carving my name into his heart of stone

Wishnics...
Wishing songs...
No one's wrong for dreaming too long
I walk past the house, the spell inside of me still hums
and I walk free...
I come undone
With poetry

Everyone wants the throne but not the fight
They want my magic but not my night
I’ve seen men beg with their teeth all red
I’ve brought myself
back from the dead.

Gone is the prince and me, now just a crown of weeds
My kingdom’s dead but it still bleeds
If love was a gun, then I surely kissed the chrome
Now I haunt this world like it’s my throne

hauntingly beautiful music in the back of my skull
Life is darkness, ludicrous....Pain full
The bullets ring in my heart and I flinch at every tone
I’m an hourglass soul, fragmented and alone

Michele’s blood whispers in that dark red bloom
a ****** charm cast in a hollow grief stricken room
weeds, shards, and ghostly refrains
I’m whistling through pain, unbroken chains
In a house of glass
my throne, my cell
Darkness is home, and I know it well

She was beauty, she was blood...she is my ice and flame
separated from the living by a killers name
Michele, my mirror, my curse, my pain
my flower that reveals in the May 12th rain

3 shots of silence, she became a beautiful chord
oscillating in my mind, never ignored
Her death becomes dads spell,  a half forgotten song
Weeds bleed gold where she belonged

Michele’s rose in the dust
Love feels more like lust

I sit in the corner in a white dress
A wedding with no vows and no guests
Pink velvet dreams and green rhinestone tears
A tambourine plays for the singer I hold dear

A gold mirror hangs so divine
Shows a girl with a heart that's no longer mine

Oh, love leaves me dusty, deserted and torn
A lantern I carry for nights that have never been born
I bleed in the night silence with no table and no feast
Just candlelight and the dream of peace
My heart...it’s not glass, it learned how to sink...
An hourglass woman
alone on the brink

You, my ex with your boyish goodbye
You love me, I know, but you won’t even try
You're growing, you're going, you're leaving the flame
And I’m still the altar that whispers your name
My sacred heart burns, but no one can see
The God who still keeps me when death wanted me

Oh, love leaves me dusty, deserted and torn
A lantern I carry for nights that have never been born
I bleed in the silence with no table, no feast
Just candlelight and the dream of peace
My heart, it’s not glass, it learned how to sink
An hourglass woman, alone on the brink

No dinner, no dance, no toast to the bride
Just pink crushed velvet and tears that won’t hide
Uncle Kevin said, “God keeps you here”
And I wonder what for
another lost year

A woman whose life turned to stone
Living on borrowed time, dying alone
Still I sing with my tambourine, shaking with fragmented self grace
A prayer for the ones who vanish without a trace

Slammed doors **** up my nervous system
No one listens and I wouldn't miss em
People who don't care about their neighbors
Step over love like its something to run from

A dad who never looked me in the eyes
If his heart is good, he wears a good disguise
If love was a god, he or she walked right past
And left me with bones that’ll never relax

An hour glass woman
How much time do I have
Remember I'm stone, not glass
Gazing into the Witches Crystal Ball and
I see the ones I loved
Fading away..Dorothys had enough

A gold mirror hangs so divine
Shows a girl with a heart that's no longer mine
Oh, All I want to love
is time

I came back but i was gone in your eyes
Like a house with all the lights off inside
I reached out through the summer shadows and the wildfire smoke
But love don't ignite just cause you hope

Last night, I felt the emptiness of the moon
No one around just the ghost of you
As alone as I’ve ever known how to be
Empty room, no air left to breathe

I don’t feel beautiful I don’t feel real
Like a melted ice sculpture someone forgot to feel
Chords in my chest, I'm not a willow tree and I cant bend
Strumming the sting of the bitter end

I needed you

I tried to be sultry enough, but enough ain’t love
You held me like a sweet memory, not like holy blood
Running cold now through every vein
I call your name but it’s just pain

I thought you'd see the seashells still in my hands
But you changed like the tides, and now my heart is sinking sand
You used to know the melody of my soul
Now it’s just unwillingness.
There's a stiffness about you
and I'm listening to all your songs
but this time around,
I hear broken notes

I don’t feel beautiful, I don’t feel seen
a quiet cematary of love that might have been (and we dwell there)
Guitar chords cutting right through my skin
Each one a scar where you had been

I needed you

What’s left behind is heavy and true
The aftermath of my sickness, still holds you
I’m picking up pieces of who I was
But they don’t fit like they did, because…

I don’t feel beautiful, not anymore
Like a cold icy heart that’s melted on the floor
But somewhere in this broken tune
Is proof we loved so hard,
even with our wounds

I needed you

Poems DON’T bloom—
They rupture.
They ignite,
Like a fire in your soul,
Waiting to explode,
Like gasoline in a burning room.

Poems
Are those
Who land deeper than the largest crevasse—
Those that leave you glaring,
Wide—unblinking eyes.

Waiting for the next punch
To your heart,
Like music crashing into your body
When you have the volume too loud.

Poems are meant to claw,
To rip,
Open your ribcage,
To smear
Your blood—pain—EVERYTHING
In front of you,
To show you it’s okay
For ALL to exist;
To trick
Your heart
To love,
Hate,
To turn fear
Into fate.

There are supposed to drip blood
In words that were NEVER meant to be said.

Every line,
Something I couldn’t bellow,
So I sharpened
My words like a knife,
Till my words bled
Blood—
I could never give back.

I LIVE for blood,
I LIVE for pain.
I LIVE for the world to not
Care
What it’s left for me,
What the world’s done to let me decay.

Each verse of silence,
Each verse of pain,
Each verse of anger,
Of shame,
Or hate,
Of love,
IS YEARS
OF SWALLOWING
MY OWN BLOOD.

YEARS.
OF HATING MYSELF.
YEARS.
OF NOT TRUSTING ANYONE
Who said…
“I’m here,”
“I’ll listen,”
“I’ll help.”

LET THAT BURN.

YEARS.
OF PAIN.
YEARS.
OF SHAME,
FOR WHAT THEY DID,
FOR HOW THE WORLD
TAUGHT ME WRONG.

You call my poems BRAVE!?
…THEIR SURVIVAL.
THEIR BLOOD.
I WAS NEVER
ABLE TO PUT BACK
IN MY BODY.

Poems are my baggage;
Each weighs—
A ton.

What is a poem?
A POEM?
It’s the moment before you scream,
When you realize you can’t say
What’s digging into your mind.
It’s rhyming stanzas
Disguised as hatred.
It’s love
Dressed as rhythm.
It’s pain
Hidden
As syllables,
Each word—my teeth.

Poems are MEANT
To be messy,
MEANT
To be ugly,
MEANT
TO LIVE—

Even when others
Think they shouldn’t have ever
Lived that long,
When you’re told to leave it in your head.

You want a Poem?
SIT in my blood.
I’LL sit in yours.
I’ll comfort you,
If you do the same.
I’ll be there in your brightness,
And in your darkness,
With the faint glow of the candle
To illuminate
Your shattered
Ship.

Writing is a freedom;
It’s everything
Anyone could need.

A poem doesn’t need to be perfect—
…just…let it be you.

THAT’S what a poem is MEANT
To do.

I am igniting fire--flame.
You tried to test me,
Causing pain.
It is you--who I blame