It’s your fault,
I told you first,
What happened that day.
You listened with glee.

I wasn’t to say,
But I expressed it all.
To which you say,
“It’s your fault.”

If he does it again,
You didn’t tell sooner.
When should I have said?
She was a Christian—
Where’s the humanity at?

“****** isn’t a sin,” she said.
What friend is that?
Is it really my fault?

Free from one..

I was free from one only to go to another

A love I thought was just forgotten

He beat me down with words and hands

Feeling pathetic I hid to the ground

His hands were heavy but words were worse

The scars I have are just from words

The physical pain emotional too

I was incredibly lost at that moment too

It took it all

But I survived again

To leave with scars

Not quite the same

I thought it was normal…

This doesn’t happen
to girls like me—
no, only the girls
on the big TV screen.

This doesn’t happen
to girls who like dolls
no, only to fictional
characters I see on the screen

This doesn’t happen
to girls who dress up
just the girls
who live in a fantasy book.

This doesn’t happen
to girls like me.

Turns out I was wrong.
She’s exactly like me.

It happened to her
not in a book,
not on a screen
but alone,
in her world.

It happened to her.
It happened to her.
She’s exactly like me…

Oh wait
she is me.

I’m Okay

What do I say when you ask if I’m okay?
I smile and nod—
“I’m doing alright.”
But truthfully,
I could break any second.
Like a mirror in hand,
I shatter and crack.

So I pretend I’m fine.
I hide the pain,
the hurt,
the tears.
I don’t let anyone in—
not anymore.

The last time I did,
I broke in two.
Do you really want to add
to my sad repertoire?

I hide my pain.
I hide my tears.
But all I’m really hiding…
is fear.

Pretending is easy.. not showing I care but the thought of the past makes me easy to scare. The shouts the screams the unwanted touch.. everything all of it it’s all too much. I need to escape I need to get out but all of a sudden I’m dropped back with a bang. Sometimes it’s easy to really not care but the reality is it’s really not fair..

I want to scream I want to shout but all I do is say hello back.. I can’t hate the way that I should… why the hell did you put me through that

Don’t touch me.
I’m not yours anymore.

I wanted to hate you.
I wanted to go—
but your grip was strong.
You had power.
You had it all.

I was so weak.
Powerless too.
You had everything.
And I was yours—
all alone.

I cried.
And cried.
Until I forgot.
Or tried to.

But then… I remembered.
And I really tried hard
to face what made me feel
so mad.

Then it hit me—
clear and loud:
I was never yours.
Not even a bit.

I’m making a change.
I’m taking it back
my power,
my soul
it’s back with a bang.

You took it away,
a long time ago.
But I’m stronger now
you don’t know me at all.

I use the pain
to carry me forward.
I won’t fast forward through it
I’ll feel it,
face it,
and use it.

Use it to grow.
Use it to help.
Use it to ease someone else’s hell.

There are no evil agendas
here on my plate
only strength
served straight.

She was 12 when everything changed.
The man—
he has no name.

If I could go back,
I’d say:
you don’t get to treat me this way.

Behind the words
were fear and dread.
I walked on eggshells,
quietly,
carefully,
around you.

Watching
with timid eyes,
I should have known—
you weren’t to be trusted.

But I was only 12.

A touch on the thigh.
A touch on the neck.

You would think
these were wanted.
You would think
this was affection.

But the touch came from
a person of trust.
A supposed person of trust.

A hand on my shoulder.
A gaze down my legs.

Why would you think
this would happen instead

The push off the thigh.
The squirm from the neck.
The hiding of legs
from the touch
of your stare.

You would think
this was a stranger.

But this wasn’t a stranger.

This was a man
that I called
Dad.

He was in charge.
She was a girl.
He knew what he did.
She felt confused.

For a time, she would sit on his lap.
He taught her to braid.
She laughed at his jokes.

But the father would change
from innocent love
to torturous gain.
Will I ever leave this terrible pain?

He was a father.
She was a daughter.
The power imbalance
would soon be forgotten.

She knew it was wrong.
He didn’t care.
All he said was,
“I’m lonely, that’s all.”

She felt betrayed
by the fatherly figure
who turned out to be
just a monstrous image.

The fatherly man
was a father no more.
She knew he wasn’t to trust
he lost it all
in a moment of touch.

The man she once called father
was nothing like that.
No, not at all.
Just a monster
with no care at all.

Footsteps are near… hide away soon my dear…

Unwanted touch.. the smell of tobacco… bristles of beard… I’m too scared to be heard.. tears stream quietly it’s too much it’s so blurred..

The smells the sounds all up in the air but I’m trying to be flying through air..

Footsteps are gone it’s safe now my dear.. the monster has gone you’re all alone now for real

It changed it all…

I watched the big movie star
up on the screen.
That evening was happy,
happy was me.

But happy was gone
as darkness drew near.
It wasn’t me…
was it?
Really?
It was.

I thought I was watching
a nightmare unfold
but reality,
it was really quite bold.

In that instant,
that girl was gone.
The innocence,
the love
she was definitely gone.

A shell was left
in the place where she sat,
just watching the star
up on the screen.

I can’t say for certain
what happened that day…
but all I know
is the girl who was happy
she was happy no more.

Black as night the crow was sat

At the top of the chapel he cawed and cawed

She came running down the gravel her heels were pounding on the floor

The fog was heavy all swirling around

The wind howled loudly echoing sound

She hid in the chapel which was covered in dust

To pray to a god she never believed

She held a rosary tight in her hand

So tightly indeed she bled her hand

The blood ran down the beads so slowly

As red as a rose but even more deadly

She cried and cried but reality hits

When realising it was a vampire who bit

She felt her neck and true was this

She felt two wounds which matched his teeth

Time was coming she knew was truth

Fangs would grow.. on poor amelie

She touched her teeth, their already here

They kicked the doors in to catch her there

They screamed at her to hit the ground

She launched at them without at sound

The blood that was lost was not wasted

As poor amelie was not so masted

She drank it up all of it.

She left the chapel to hear the cries of the crows

I made it through—
I really did.
I fought the dragon;
he’s gone and hid.

I needed no sword,
because, you see—
I had it in me
for eternity.

I’m proud. I’m strong.
And when I fell,
I hit the ground
but rose as well.

The dragon’s slain.
There is no more.
I can move on
with those I adore.

I’m free at last—
you best believe.
I’ve seen the worst,
but I still breathe.

Just know this truth:
I’m still the same—
just with scars
and a stronger name.

When I was younger
I thought I’d be wise.
When I was younger
I thought I’d be smart.
When I was younger
I thought I’d be pretty.

I pictured myself in white—
a dress that shimmered,
flowers tucked into my hair,
a train trailing behind me
like a dream made real.

Being a bride—
I thought it would be the most wonderful thing.

But there was no dress.
No veil.
No vows.
Just a heavy bouquet
placed by my side.

The man I trusted—
the one who should have given me away—
was the one I needed saving from.
A monster wrapped in respectability.

Now—
I don’t need a dress.
I don’t need to be a bride.
I don’t need flowers hanging off my arm
to feel whole.

I am me—
that’s all I need to be.
The trauma of him
won’t carry me.

I pushed on.
I did it all.

My younger self thought I’d be wise—
and I really am.

Why Did You

Why did you take advantage of me,
Why did you do it when I was so young?
Why did you grin with those smug, rotting gums
like it was a joke,
like it meant nothing?

Why did you think it was okay,
knowing I was your daughter?
That kind of evil doesn’t burn away.

You knew.
You said sorry.
But sorry can’t stitch up a soul.
Sorry doesn’t make me whole.
Sorry doesn’t make me jolly.

You ruined that day
and rewrote my life.

Coward.
Disgusting.
A thing I despise.