And I wished I hadn't taught her to close off
Because now when I most needed to know what she felt
Her face was an empty canvas her eyes hollow
A hardened soldier
Do you understand me I ask
She nods
That's all
Not a flicker of emotion crossed her face
My heart never sank so fast

In the end, it was just me
The fire had settled
The world as I knew it had burned
So, I used the ashes to paint my future
I used it to paint my walls
I showed the world
I beckoned with a crooked finger
This is where I came from i say gesturing with a broken hand
But like a museum, it's just to look at it
And I, the owner, the collector of my past's artifacts, rarely visit

My words repeat themselves
They shudder on my tongue
I hold them in my mouth and open to let them out
But all they do is hide like shy children behind their mothers
They settle at the bottom of my throat and set up camp
They build fires and burn my lungs
I feel like a broken car
Sputtering and huffing
And for the first time in a long while
I feel like the teenager I am
And I remember why I left that girl behind

I want to dig myself a hole
And just lie in it until it stops
Let the comfort of the soil make me grow
Till I sprout
Earth
Let your earthworms work to cultivate
Because I'm coming home
I feel it
I just don't  want to be at my hands

"I want to be somebody to someone
I just wanna be someone "
It wraps around my thoughts
Wrapping them in chains
I'm locked in myself
"YOURE the problem "
Am I?

Maybe
If she could just LET me grow...
If she could just LET me breathe...
"But she is you and you is I
We're entwined together forever
You
and I "

I think I’ll always be the one standing at the edge of the crowd laughing at the jokes people tell without me.