I still know your favorite color
I still know how hard you work
I still know your favorite chocolate
I still know the way you write

I still have your photos
I still have the lessons you taught me
I still have your voicenotes
I still have the happiness you brought me

I still remember your family
I still remember all your laughs
I still remember your cats
I still remember how you said I love you

I still love you

Forgive me, but I have to say
I care for you definitely
some part of me definitely
It loves you definitely
Otherwise, I wouldn't talk to you every day

But love is a very big word for me
And when I love someone I love with everything in me
I love them when they see every part of me

And I love them when I know them fully
I love them when I can love every part of them fully
And you haven’t shown me all of you fully
Until then, every time I say I love you to you, I'm lying slightly
To myself and you, unfortunately

I feel like I just got my heartbroken  
Heartbroken  
Heart broken  

(The very essence of me snatched
All from a biscuit that was supposed to give me growth)  

All I feel like is I am giving and giving and giving  
And giving  
And not receiving  

(My hat, your hat, lead you say? Hmm, I remember something like that)

Am I disregarding too much of the other times  
Am I contemplating too much of the now  
The split is drastic headache enducing  
Headache  
Head ache  

(How can we ever move on from this
The flamingos arent here for us to play crochet)  

I’m tired of trying and trying and trying  
Of having always to be on  
Of having always to be the first to text the first to ask the first the first the first

(I don’t like it anymore
This white
It doesn't match my theme)


I love her  
She is my heartache  
Heartache  
Heart ache  

(Liquid gold and sunlight  
Pretty but it burns
Care for a spot of tea?)  

Do I really, though  
Or am I so eager to prove I can love I latch onto anyone who will let me  
Who will let me  
Why have they let me  

Perhaps I’m being dramatic  
Perhaps  
Mayhap  

(Mayhap, this is just my way of saying I don’t feel anything anymore  
The pills
This isn’t what it used to be
The cigars)  

Am I the red flag  
No, she says  
No  
No?  

(I will leave it for now  
Have a biscuit)

Always feeling feeling feeling  

(Remove her from the picture and let me paint
Let me paint my roses red )

I’m tired  

(ALFRED!
Yes my dear?
Get me a pillow)

And the crickets have started to play

Even though your words were treasured

Even though your words made me hopeful

It was like sand in the wind

Like pearls in vinegar

Like me

Don't waste your time on a fellow so negligent of advice

The stars shine but they're dead inside