Forgive me, but I have to say
I care for you definitely
some part of me definitely
It loves you definitely
Otherwise, I wouldn't talk to you every day

But love is a very big word for me
And when I love someone I love with everything in me
I love them when they see every part of me

And I love them when I know them fully
I love them when I can love every part of them fully
And you haven’t shown me all of you fully
Until then, every time I say I love you to you, I'm lying slightly
To myself and you, unfortunately

I feel like I just got my heartbroken  
Heartbroken  
Heart broken  

(The very essence of me snatched
All from a biscuit that was supposed to give me growth)  

All I feel like is I am giving and giving and giving  
And giving  
And not receiving  

(My hat, your hat, lead you say? Hmm, I remember something like that)

Am I disregarding too much of the other times  
Am I contemplating too much of the now  
The split is drastic headache enducing  
Headache  
Head ache  

(How can we ever move on from this
The flamingos arent here for us to play crochet)  

I’m tired of trying and trying and trying  
Of having always to be on  
Of having always to be the first to text the first to ask the first the first the first

(I don’t like it anymore
This white
It doesn't match my theme)


I love her  
She is my heartache  
Heartache  
Heart ache  

(Liquid gold and sunlight  
Pretty but it burns
Care for a spot of tea?)  

Do I really, though  
Or am I so eager to prove I can love I latch onto anyone who will let me  
Who will let me  
Why have they let me  

Perhaps I’m being dramatic  
Perhaps  
Mayhap  

(Mayhap, this is just my way of saying I don’t feel anything anymore  
The pills
This isn’t what it used to be
The cigars)  

Am I the red flag  
No, she says  
No  
No?  

(I will leave it for now  
Have a biscuit)

Always feeling feeling feeling  

(Remove her from the picture and let me paint
Let me paint my roses red )

I’m tired  

(ALFRED!
Yes my dear?
Get me a pillow)

And the crickets have started to play

Even though your words were treasured

Even though your words made me hopeful

It was like sand in the wind

Like pearls in vinegar

Like me

Don't waste your time on a fellow so negligent of advice

The stars shine but they're dead inside

I’m sorry I was too little  
I’m sorry I wasn’t enough  
I’m sorry I was too much  
I’m sorry I wasn’t subtle  
(I still wanna text you back)

Sorry I didn’t try  
Sorry I gave up  
Sorry I tried for the both of us  
Sorry I thought I was enough  
(I still wanna tell you about my day)

For you and I  
For me and you  
For all the work I thought I could do
For every time I assumed it was you  
when it was me, it was me, it was me  
For never trusting  
Always forgiving  
For being harsh and sleeping on your thoughts  
And never minding them  
(Everything we should have said,)

For thinking I could fix this  
When you were enough  
(I wish they didn’t have to be in brackets)

I wish we were enough for you  
I wish this was enough for me

You know when you realise you've been laughing different
Your face is worth looking at
And no not just because of the filament
Or because of that new smile
It's a weird kind of sentiment
Your eyes lined with fulfillment

And you realize you've been changing
Something feels
Amazing

Stranger
You feel happier
Happier...

Plastic
That's what it is
Tragic
That's what I feel

All it takes is one argument
And the Plastic gets ripped right off
Allowing it to breathe to reveal its temperament
And it hasn't breathed in a long ******* time

You're living your life through the happiness of others
Who are you without your servitude
This kind of happiness smothers
Because who are you without the happiness of others

A side note
A cheerleader
just another side character

So yup that was my realisation today
A real sad one wouldn't you say?