I don’t think I can do this anymore, I’ve been strong for way too  long. I can’t continue like this anymore. What do I do ? How do I continue ? Will I be like this forever? I don’t know who I am anymore. All these masks I wear , I wanna take them off but it seems as if they've become a part of me! I feel as though I have three different lives  . With my family I have the perfect life. The life where I'm always happy and nothing can go wrong. The type of life people would be envious cause I'm always smiling and I'm full of life. With my friends I have a neutral life. A life where I'm happy and sad at the same time. A life where things go right but also wrong. A life where I'm full of light but also filled with darkness. A life with peace and chaos  . Everything is equal in this universe. Nothing stands out more than the other. My third life begins when I'm alone, when I'm with myself and my thoughts. Its a life full of darkness and sorrow. Its a life where tears run like a river. Its a life filled with pain and despair . Its a lonely life that everyone fears of having. Its a life where your traumas win . Its a life where your heart bleeds. Its a life where your wounds are open. Its a life where your soul is broken. It’s a life where death seems as a beautiful dream. This is the life I have when is me and my mind. From all of this pretending I don’t know who I am anymore. Am I good or am I bad? What and who defines that? I can’t see myself anymore from all this masks. I have to keep myself sane and my mother. When I speak to her calmly , in my mind I'm yelling my lungs out . When I comfort her in my mind I’m completely ignoring her . When I'm being understanding towards her in my mind I'm judging . When I tell her that its not her fault in my mind I only blame her. What does it matter anymore! Everything is broken and I’m in  pieces. This time I can’t fix anything. By pretending to be someone I’m not,  I’ve completely lost the person that mattered the most , myself! This portrait I have displayed before everyone is fake, Im fake , I feel fake ! I feel like an imposter . I wonder when did it all change? I wonder when did it all go wrong? I wonder when did I lose me ?