I want to know what eros is like.
Not just philia or storge but eros.
To be vulnerable with someone and to give them your all,
And to receive the title of “partner” instead of doing the actions without the reward.

I’ve felt this love before.
Yet I was not their partner or the one they clung too.
And even now that our paths have crossed,
Our love, I have not been able to undo.

Still, when I look back at this love I am not reminiscing.
For this love was not healthy,
And it had limits.
This love poisoned us both.

So why is my eros poisoned?
Why has my gift arrived broken?
Can it be pieced together?
Or do I have to learn to live with it, unspoken?

How come I am successful in finding storge?
I have found philia.
I even found eros, but without the agape gifted from above.
So, I’m lleft a broken person with a broken meaning of love.

So now everything I love is a bit off.
Or my way of loving it is wrong.
Now I question what is good.
And now I don’t trust at all.

I do not put myself out there to receive.
And I do not intend on giving.
For I am now closed off from all love,
Eros, philia, storge, all included.

I resent what could’ve been,
And resent what has become.
I do not welcome change,
For I am done.

I know what eros is like.
But I have not received it officially.
I know what actions are required,
But I am not an official recipient.