Dear everyone I have ever known,

You have all held my flame at one point, but you have also blown it out; each and every one of you don’t think you’re special because you’re not.

You have all added to the weight that I carry; you have all pushed me down and left me for dead.

Many of you have held me close, and when you realize that I am no longer of use to you, you toss me away like I’m a rotten apple.

When spring cleaning comes around. I am the piece of clothing you look at to get rid of first.

“She’s fine,” you say. “Am I?” Do you see the way the smiles I give don’t touch my eyes? The sound of my own laughter is foreign to me, but I know the one that I have carefully crafted to blend into yours.

All I long for is for you to understand that you have torn me down.

I am still human, but I’m not happy.

All I want is for the exclusion to stop and for you to take a step back and look at the damage you have caused, but don’t try to pick up the pieces.

I’ve been doing it for so long. I have a system. It makes me the fake human that I want you to see, the one that doesn’t cry with an audience because I know that’s what you wanna see

(laugh). Look at me trying to spare your feelings when you’ve never given me that same courtesy. I do still have empathy. I am still human, but I am not happy.

It all starts with one.
One taste, one try, one time
It then turns into "just one more"
One more drink, one more hit, one more cut
Until it turns into one less person in the world

1 hour waking up
2 hours texting you each day
3 hours  on the phone
4 hours of wishing you were mine
5 hours of counting up the times when I almost let it slip
6 hours thinking about you
7 hours dreaming about you
8 hours of wishing you were here

It all adds up my whole day is you but somehow I make 36 hours fit into 24 if I could have a quarter for every hour I spent with you in my thoughts I would be rich and maybe you would notice me a little bit more