shame
etched deep in my soul
they all blame the betrayer
named him such through history
but he was honest in his betrayal
faced him, marked him with a kiss
eye to eye the deed was done
but me, for all my bold bluster
I'd run away, denied I knew him
not once, not twice, three times
my friend, three years followed
called him Messiah, the Christ
Jesus, denied I even knew him
so which betrayal is greater
I know my shame
after it was over
death, strange days following
Marys first, then meeting him alive
trying to work my head around it all
back to Galilee where it all began
trying to get a handle, fishing
breakfast on the beach
we know it's him
I know
eating done
a long awkward silence
which he breaks, "do you love me"
he asks, looks me in the eye, asks me
"you know I love you" muttered head down
silence you could cut, then "do you love me"
irritated, angry even, "you know I love you"
longer pause, waves lapping, fire crackles
"do you love me", not brotherly love now
but agape, self-giving love, his kind
"do you love me", thrice denied
now three times he's asked
my shame biting deep
"you know everything
you know I love you"
no condemnation instead
each time a commissioning
"feed my lambs", "take care of my sheep"
"feed my sheep", a shepherd's task and work
for me, forgiveness going beyond my shame
time to start over, whatever that means
Friday of Easter Week
25th April 2025
following John 21.15-19