I look back on this journey
and try to make sense
I try to find a lesson
along this iron fence
you've built between
my heart and mind
I can't lie to myself;
you were kind
and when times were hard
you held my hand
But I can't help it
Your pain is now a brand
I sit here
trying to find meaning
when there is none
to be had

You say so much
To mean so little
You cry but you're not really upset
Scream when everything is okay
Give out your empty compliments
Plead tragedies and platitudes and graces
Filling up every room
With nothing

Finally when all goes quiet
Every word you said
Lingers on my brain
It permeates and wraps and slithers
Spewing a false narrative that I must resist

I hate people like you
People who say so much
Meaning so little

I don’t miss you when it’s cold
I don’t miss you tears welling in my eyes
I don’t miss you with heated anger burning my face
I don’t miss you with a head clouded from fear and loneliness
I don’t miss you when the icy wind freezes my toes under a sky depressingly gray
I miss you when the sun is out
I miss you when I can’t stop grinning over a joke
I miss you with a bright smile
I miss you when it’s warm and the water is calm and the cumulus clouds roll slowly across the sky
I miss you in my first sip of coffee
I miss you in the warmth of a blanket
I miss you in every funny, exciting, wonderful, and stupidly hilarious moment
I miss you when things are good, because if you were there it would be better
So I don’t know how to feel entirely happy, because every time I’m really happy I get a little sad too