I stare out the window, and I slowly smile
It comes easier this time
My lips break into my favorite love song
I can't stop singing it these days
But I don't think anything is wrong

It's raining heavily, quite heavily
But my mind doesn't linger on it these days
Well, not like usual anyway

instead of thinking about the beauty of nature like all other times
I think about the beauty of a smile
the beauty of a shy pair of eyes

I fell excited as I enter the room
I feel as if the days end too soon
My eyes are on the blackboard, I'm listening
But my mind is thinking

thinking about a pair of eyes
across the room,
wondering if they see me too

A soft brush of hands
A quick, hurried glance
I feel something like a mixture of excitement and fear,
As someone in particular comes near

A borrowed pen, a quick exchange,
sends my heart racing
as I can't keep the smile off my face
and my thoughts start pacing

My friends keep asking me
Why am I so happy?
why am I smiling?
and in response, I keep lying

Keep lying to myself and them
keep lying even as the day ends
But when night comes
wild, my thoughts run

I stare into the dark and sigh
As I finally realize
What this is...
Oh no...

You don't need me
but I need you
You don't like me
but I like you

You don't know that
but what if you do
would you like me or not?
would you see me or not?
would you need me or not?

would it make a difference?
would it change your preference?
I guess probably not

If I cut open my veins
will my sorrow flow out with the blood?
If I smash my skull and brain
will I find myself in the thoughts that flood?

If I carve out my eyes
will they finally stop weeping?
If I tear out my tongue
will it finally stop speaking?

If I slash my face
will I miss the beauty I never saw?
If I ****** out my heart
Will I see anything but my flaw?

If I carve out my lungs
will I finally be able to breathe?
If I slash open my stomach
will I finally be able to eat?

If I banish all my thoughts
will I finally be able to sleep?
If I get rid of all the shame
will I finally be able to weep?

I laugh and laugh
for no reason at all
well, dear doctor
I think your hospital is making me
loose my mind

I cough up blood
yet I laugh
I can't walk but I find that funny
I laugh at the non-existent irony

When despair threatened to enter my bones
to control my mind and my home
I laughed to block it, make it fall
laughed for no reason after all
because laughing is important after all

well, dear doctor
I think your hospital
is making me loose my mind

Sometimes I wonder,
Who would be a better friend
The wind or the rain?

The wind, who was adventurous and fun
Who was there to celebrate all your greatest moments
And especially the happy ones
The one who made you laugh before you cried
Who never knew how to comfort anyone
But still who always tried

Or the rain, who was more silent and reserved
But who’s advice and especially their friendship
Was one to be preserved
The one who is there for all the moments, even which are bad
Who doesn’t try to cheer you up
Instead tell you that it’s okay to be sad

together they sit,
the boat floats
and the sand is still
the wave comes
the boat moves
but the sand, it sinks

we may be friends
we may be buddies
but your friend
may be my enemy

perfect grades
****** blades
perfect life
I can't hide

I make my parents proud
always quite 'cause success speaks so loud
Another trophy on the wall
sleepless nights but standing tall

but I wonder,.. for how long?
how long do I have to fake
how long before I break

how long before one cut turns into two
into three... into four
until the end

I wonder will you notice
that I am not perfect
from my behaviour
or do I have to be my own saviour