You were a breath of fresh air
But my mind wanted me to suffocate.
Breathing you in would mean,
I gave love power over me.

My thoughts consumed every ounce of me,
Clouding my judgement and constantly playing my past on repeat.
I didn't think I was strong enough to break free,
Until that day you gave up on me.

The thought of losing you made my heart weak,
It knew it loved you, but was consumed by toxicity.
It fought hard to resurface and take power over me
For it knew what we shared,
Could turn into something so beautifully.

With every passing day,
I now try to live consciously,
Allowing my heart to receive the blessing that life bestowed upon me.
For meeting you wasn't an accident,
I believe we were meant to be.  
So until that time we reunite,
I'll continue to heal, me.

Last Christmas I didn't give you my heart
Instead, I wished upon a star
That one day I would find you
Instead of loving you from afar.

I knew you were meant for me
But my mind, my mind didn't want me to see
It knew that loving me would mean
It had to bury everything it once made me believe

Now I am on this journey
To find the real, authentic me
For I know she is who you need me to be
Not only the love she has to share would be beyond your wildest dreams
But the world would now gain a being,
Full of its own powerful energy.

How do you say I love you to someone you betrayed
How do you say you're open to a life with them when it seems just a little too late
How do you stay connected
When you know it would never be the same  

I wish I had a genie to grant me one wish
For it would be to see those eyes and kiss those lips
Yes, the same lips that I once neglected
But in my heart I'm hoping it won't be too late

I let you down and I have to come to terms with it
Healing myself sooner is the only regret I am now faced with
For I know if I freed my demons and heartache
We'd be living that life you wanted, without these mistakes.

On this journey to free my pain
Just so I can love you the very same
I know you hoped all this time for me to see
Just how incredible the two of us could really be
Hoping I get the opportunity,
To fix what I broke between you and me.

I believed I loved you in the way I could because I couldn't love myself.
I tried to show my love but it was flawed; filled with gaps of uncertainty, confusion and emptiness.
You wanted to give me the love I deserved, but I didn't think I was worthy to receive it and made it unhealthy.
I spent too much time being consumed with the poison I received from others, that I kept myself from all your goodness and beauty.
I trapped myself in a world of bitterness and became every bad thing that happened to me.
I wanted the best for us, but I didn't believe it enough to do the work to rid myself of the pain, so wrecking us was collateral damage.
I never intentionally wanted to hurt you, you are a good person, I saw that.
If only I could've love myself more maybe we could have been.
Maybe there is time, maybe something bigger is in store because why would we cross paths, only to end up like the strangers we were before.

It took losing you to realize, I want you
It look losing you to realize I have been a fool to you
It look losing you to see it was my own fault
That I was pushing the car to go overboard.

It may be broken and hard to salvage
But I intend on working hard to bring it back from its garbage
For even trash and broken things can turn out even more beautiful than it was in beginning
I promise you,this would not be our story's ending.

I didn't see the vision of the life we could build
I was consumed by all the bitterness that I didn't search within
You were trying to save me
Yet I constantly rejected it
As if you meant nothing to me at all.

I was a fool to ever let you go
I did damage to you that you never deserved
I'm trying my best to pull myself together
So I can get another chance at building that life you so desired.

The journey back to you would take alot, no doubt
But let me prove to you I can handle the load
And make you proud one day of being your girl.

You deserved more than I gave you
You are more than the broken pieces which I left you to pick up on your own
I made you feel like you weren't enough
When all this time, you were more than anyone I have ever known

I treated your flaws as a shame
Your love I took for granted and broke all my promises
You were really not to blame for why we departed
It was my demons that tore us apart
Now I live with shame.

I made you think that I wanted someone heartless to love me
Because that is the only time I could feel love, when I was chasing it endlessly
Yet there you were gentle and nurturing to me all on your own
When all I ever did was make you feel like my love was something you had to work harder to earn

I am sorry you had to consume my toxic traits
I am sorry I left you depleted and wanting to escape
I am sorry you now have to heal from me
I am sorry I wasn't the person you wanted me to be.

Sorry seems to be overused at this point
But I hope one day I can be that girl you always raving about
Free of all her demons that let her miss out
On one of the best persons she could have ever found, without a doubt.