I broke my arm when I was 16
It aches when it’s under your neck
And I’m holding you close,
In our bed because it’s warm under our mountain of blankets
But I’ll never move it
Because it aches more under the weight of empty air

Hey
Not delivered!
I miss you
Not delivered!

How are you doing?
Not delivered!



Happy birthday! I miss you
Not delivered!

Hey, it’s me again
Not delivered!


I miss you
Delivered

I wish I knew what it was about Sundays,
That make you refuse to get out of bed.
Hungover or not,
You always find yourself withering under the sheets.
Shielding yourself from the sun,
The light passing through the blinds as a reminder of the world moving forward.
With or without you.
I don’t know what it is about Sundays,
That make you want to text your ex boyfriend.
Bury yourself in your old memories and wish you were in a different part of life.
A past life.
Something about Sundays give you inspiration to turn yourself around.
Start anew and begin the week as a better version of yourself.
Something about Sundays give you an overwhelming feeling of loneliness.
Spend your day reflecting on where you are in life.
Whether or not you’re satisfied.
I wish I knew what it was about Sundays,
That determines if a calendar starts or ends a week with Sunday.

My mother taught me about love languages at a young age
She said that’s what makes or breaks a relationship
She said that’s why her and my father aren’t together anymore

I know a boy
He was one of those kids who you can tell wasn’t loved as much as he should have been
Those types of people have a pull on me
Maybe it’s just a silent connection between children of divorce

Usually you can tell how people want to be loved
They like to give you hugs when they see you
Or they bring you a gift after every vacation
But this boy wasn’t like that
He put my brain to work
Trying to understand him
He told me his love language was acts of service

Eventually I found myself trying to let him know he’s loved
Silently of course
Taking stickers off his laptop when he said he wanted more space
Offering to pick up coffee when he was studying
Sending him summaries of the readings we got for homework

The things I’d do to make him feel loved are insurmountable
I’d do anything to pick up the pieces I didn’t break
I wish there were an easier way to say that

It’s been almost a year since we broke up
331 days since you told me you couldn’t love me anymore
47 weeks
7,944 hours
476,640 minutes
28,598,400 seconds
But 59 days since we last texted
47 days since I finally took off your bracelet
7 days since I last updated your playlist
An uncountable amount of days ended in tears
So so many sleepless nights
An unthinkable amount of self degrading thoughts

But now I’m across the world
A place you’d never be with me
I woke up today and you weren’t the first thing on my mind
Songs remind me of other people now
I have someone else to tell all my thoughts to

You’ll never be entirely gone
And I wouldn’t want you to be
But I can finally live without hoping you’re watching

He’s the kind of guy you meet once
And tell your kids about
He’s cowboy boots covered in red clay dust
And he’s an extra dry martini on a rooftop bar
He’s the kind of guy you make wishes for on eyelashes
And dandelions
He’s the moment an Aspen tree’s leaves turn yellow
And the feeling you get when you see fireworks
He’s getting into a hot tub while it’s snowing
And the smell of a vanilla candle
He’s the kind of guy you think about when watching rom coms
He’s a molasses cookie
And antique red leather
He’s the kind of guy whose laugh you never forget
And he’s seeing the ocean for the first time
He’s the kind of guy you stay up until sunrise talking to
And imagine while reading books
He’s so beautiful
And I wonder when he’ll think so too

I think in some ways I’ve never been meant to feel things the way other people do
It’s always been a burden
Made my life harder
I hurt too many people
But I think if I felt things the way everyone else does, I wouldn’t feel the way I feel about you
Loving you has been a change in the way my brain is wired
It’s like it’s been raining in my head for 18 years and everytime I step outside it’s still raining
And it’s cloudy
And it never stops
But then one day I stepped outside and there was a small square of sunlight on the ground
And the longer I stood outside, the bigger it got
And then it’s like the clouds can’t hold the sunlight back anymore because it’s there and it’s never going away
So I think you’ve made me feel something that opened my brain up to how it feels to really feel emotion
And you’ve done that for a long time
It’s just that before, you came as lightning instead of sunlight
But it’s wonderful
Because no one else makes my sky quite as bright as you do