hello younger me:

all I want to say is I'm sorry
i'm sorry for judging you so hard
for shaming you
for telling you you were ugly
useless, unloved, embarrassing
I'm so sorry for hurting your body
by not eating, eating little
thinking your weight would change
comparing your body with other girls
trying to look like them
act like them, wishing to be them
dressing like them to fit in
so pls forgive me
now i see how beautiful i am
i still shame myself
but i catch myself
i listen to what others tell me i am
how pretty, kind and lovable i am
and they prove it
                             sincerely
                             your older self

Two months in,
and my thoughts are a carousel,
painted with your smile.

Sunlight catches in the curve of it,
every time I close my eyes,
a replay of our last conversation.

Love, maybe?
It hums a low tune in my chest,
a vibration only you can trigger.

Does he feel this tug?
But the notes are off-key sometimes,
a sweet melody with discordant chords.

Kind words,
gentle touches that linger just a beat too long,
then a step back.

Mixed signals flutter like butterflies,
beautiful, but confusing.

Daydreams bloom,
like roses and lilies tangled with thorns.

I navigate this garden with hesitant steps,
hoping for a clear path,
a simple yes, or no.

I deserve a better goodbye, you dummy,
not the half-hearted wave
nor the silence that followed—
a gap wider than the one between us.

You packed your bags, eyes averted,
as if the weight of words
was too heavy for your tongue,
a gravel road lacking a final sign.

I stood, a ghost at the edge,
watching memories dissolve like mist,
searching for a hint of regret
in the shadows of your retreat.

Did you know that goodbyes
could be more than whispered echoes?
A dance, a chance to linger,
one last joke, a shared smile.

Instead, I received a quiet room,
walls echoing with what-ifs,
and a heart that felt stitched together,
yet fraying at the seams.

I deserved a flourish,
a moment to savor the taste
of what we had,
not this bitter afterthought.

So, if you ever find your way back,
remember the laughter,
the warmth we once spun together,
and give me the goodbye we both deserve.

I wonder what I look like in your eyes,
a fleeting shadow,
or perhaps a spark,
dancing in the light of your laughter.

Do you see the colors that swirl
in the depths of my thoughts?
Like autumn leaves caught in a gentle breeze,
whispering secrets only the trees can hear.

I like you,
a simple truth wrapped in hesitation,
the weight of words
held back by the years of silence.

If I am a book,
what chapters have you read?
Do you linger on the pages
where dreams intertwine with reality,
or skip ahead to the verses
where heartbeats echo?

Sometimes, I catch your gaze,
a moment suspended in time,
wondering
if you can feel the warmth
that wraps around my heart
when you smile.

In your eyes,
do I become more than just a figure?
Perhaps a faded photograph,
or an unwritten poem
waiting for the ink to spill.

So here I stand,
still, uncertain, yet alive,
wondering what you see
and hoping
you like me back.

Lord, I can't find You right now
And everything is crashing down
I'm losing faith and falling into my doubts
How long will I have to fight
Just for me to stay alive
I know You're there, God please
Just meet me here tonight

My God, I'm tired of trying to be okay
I've prayed all the prayers I have to pray
Please don't leave me lonely

My God, I need You to hold me
My God, I'm losing all the hope I got
I'm far beyond the point of being lost
I've tried, but I can't let go

There's hardly air in my lungs
With all the damage that's been done
Lord, please sustain me now
I know You are enough
Cause God, You catch me when I fall
You catch me when I fall

I will rise now and go to the forest by the stream, like a bowing willow
And an ocean of flowers scented like sweet, sweet honey
A mother land that brings the feeling of comfort and safety.
With the smell of wet soil after a rainy night

I hear the wind brushing the leaves making a soothing sound
birds flying and chirping with a happy high pitch
and fresh air that fills  your lungs with new life
The quietness of the forest takes  my mind of a tormented life
peace that soothes anxiety and stress
  
The wind sweeps the tears falling down my face
falling off as if my body was made out of wax
Life is like a broken-winged bird, unable to fly
But hope is a thing with feathers
repairing my soul so i can fly through the forest

Where can i find my place to hide,
So no one can see me cry
or see my broken life.
where can i hide, where can I  go,
so that my soul can see the beauty of mother land
She embraces me with her warm arms, the sun

Her safety surrounds me, like the streams of water
where i sit, overthinking of what i become
She is my hiding place, my safe place
The place to whom i can give my tears and sorrow
That's the place to hide

words are just things
things that hurt the heart
they leave scars on everyone
that wont go away
and never forgotten

what can heal my scars
love perhaps, but
that is another word that will hurt me
another word that will leave a scar