A cat hijacks a plane
Puts a gun to the pilots head
And says
"Take me to the caneries!"

The hell that's other people
Is clipped out of context so they say
Others stick to it's apparent obviousness
Simple misanthropia on display
Like an impossible inner housing ladder
We envy characteristic real estate
Which leaves us only sadder
In our current state
But if we got our desire
To move into someone new
The walls would all unwire
Foundations buckle too
The house would terrify us
It's feel it's sound it's smell
Someone else's intrinsicness
Would become our living hell
So forget all your envy
Cast off your wanton care
It's writ large in the small print my friend
It says
Buyer beware.

Round where I live
On a road called Dovedale
There's a double run o trees
On both sides o the lane
Early nineties
The council
Aggressively pruned
Right back to the stubs
Which the branches preclude
They bulbous forms twist
But not very far
The beatle fans from Penny Lane
Drop many a jaw
But I'm used to their
Unsettling visage
They look science fiction
Ancient and yet
Not that diminished
Like they'd bin there
More than they
Eighty odd years
But no one saw em
Till the need  came near.

Cast thy bread upon the waters
And It will be returned ten fold
But what are you supposed to do
With ten soggy loaves?

Once you hit a certain age
All your memories are ten years ago
Unless childhood or immediate
It's a decade Past
Give or take a year or so

Dilation and concentration of remembrance
Both stretched and contracted
Twenty years turns to ten
Five does the same
True chronology
Can't be extracted

I remember you now
How you were back then
As I just bumped into your sister
She says that you're well
I should give you a call
Time bubbles
And turns into a blister.

I don't know about you
You don't know about me too
When we meet there's the loath
That I don't feel about you
And then I suppose you feel it
But I can never be sure
We view ourselves
So completely unpure
And why should we
What have we done from this mark
I see your shadow
Poor defined in the dark.

Every year about this time
We head to Dorset
For tunes and wine
And deep fried squid
From thyme and tide
Next to roast chicken
Side by side

At  le grand bouffe
Heartburn won't subside
With rising bile you are supplied
No pieminster on this site
The pie and chips is sold by Sykes
Smoking buns the burger gaffe
Will do you breakfast if you ask
And at Tibetan kitchen
The hungry crowd grows thick
Ask him to save me
A Yeti's ****.

How do you know what you are?
The opinions stretch both near and far
They be *******
Swinging off of your ****
Both near and Far
It's just hard to know
What you are.

Like Bill Murray at the end of Scrooged
I'm overcome with emotion
And it's not just the *****
Unfettered sentimentality
Swiftly accrued
As I roll round in mawkishness
That I consume like food
Pining for that which I let die
And would again
To myself I just lie
I wouldn't know the truth
I'm an alien to it
Like some bastardised reverse ******* Jimmy Stewart.

The way glass gripped
Aluminium
Gave it away
Sutch a perfect
Device
Can't surely
Be in play
It stops
The spirit
Leaking out yer bottle
Now matter it's
Gyroplace
To me that proves
We live in hyperspace.

I think I've seen
AI videos
About how much
Sleep you need
But
Good lord
I'd feel terrible
If I've
Human relieved.

Ah don't be like that
Come on now
You know I didn't mean it like that
Good lord I don't know
How you can conflate
The things that I said
To your message o hate
But then again
I twist round in the wind
Shove me enough pressure
And my views I will l rescind
I missed the screen
What did they just tell me to say?
It don't matter
It'll change tomorrow
Why hey hey.

Imagine having to write
Jesus's autopsy report
You'd be there all week.

Still waters run deep
But sometimes a puddle's
Just a puddle

We've built our church on the ruins of yours
It's always been that way of course
Sumarian Egyptian Hittite Inca
Reappropriation was what they were into
And rightly so
Can't waste that foundation
Took some of it with them
As they altered their nations
Through horror and peace
Some stone gets chipped off
The passage of time
Grinds down and smoothes rock
To a differing shape
Somethings lost
Somethings gained
But there's never been history
Without shouting and pain
So we'll build our church
on the ruins of theirs
Again and again through the
Cycling years.

The Holy Spirit descended
Upon the ****** Mary's chamber
It was the 24th of march

"Oh hi H!" Said Mary
"Gabe',said you be comin round
But I'm not sure what we doin
His clues thin on the ground.
He seemed a bit flustered
So what is it you want?
He made it sound important
Kept staring at his feet"
H S stroked his chin
Dropped his kecks
Asked
"Do you know what this is?"
She said
" I cannot conceive "
He bade her hold that thought
He would make her believe.

To be eaten by yourself
Is madness of course
How can you put the blame
On that one exact horse
That ran away
With your dignity
And all of your cash
To chase that loss
In the future
Relies on the past.

I'm eschewing *****
And ***** too
Perhaps a month
Maybe two
It's been a fortnight
Still slightly fuzzy
Jerky sleep patterns
I had it coming
Don't start me on
The whacky dreams
A disaster movie
Each night it seems
Aliens
Zombies
Catastrophes
Volcanos
Earthquakes
Foul disease
And it's all my fault
I caused it all
Uncharacteristic
Prideful
Before the fall

And then the wake.

What does a priest keep in his allotment shed?

Lettuce spray.

Ben just said to me
Thank you for reposting my piece on the dying babies
It made me laugh for ages and ages.

Today is the day
I have not been waiting for
A chance to begin.

My auld man
Saw a ghost when he was alive
In England's most haunted pub
Strangely enough
He swore he wasn't lying
Or that he was half cut
The ***** doesn't work that way
Unless at the extreme edge
Not in the middle of the day
When asked what the spectre looked like
He said "Just some normal fella."
He liked a joke Jimmy did
But in his voice there was a tremor
And a tone not oft heard from him
in point of fact not ever
His mates started calling him The Exorcist
A double meaning both were clear
For he'd visit you in the evening
And make your spirits disappear.

When your buddy
Sets up
An elaborate joke
With an international
Recording artiste
Done with skill
Thats completely
Bespoke
Then the only way
To view it
Is from the status of love
Because that's the way
He was thinking of.

I shook hands with Joe Gideon
And high fived the shark
After a forest performance
In which they had rocked hard

The beauty of his voice and words
The slickness o her grooves
Soaked into me sonically
And caused the earth to move

Their world is so inviting
As at the barrier i stand
They'll take you on a journey
To learn the ways of man.

I keep listening to and shaking my wristwatch
Yeah,that will make it go
Winding it lasts just a few minutes
Times unconcerned flow
Like that movie with Grodin and Deniro
Came out in eighty eight
Same year as that REM album bemoaning the worlds state

I've got one them old printers typeface drawers
******* to my living room wall
The kind you put keepsakes and momentos in
A lady made me install
But I am barely in it
It's all trips she took alone
Or nods to friends I've never met
The separation shown

When she left I put a couple of my own in
Then quickly took em out
Felt like a performance
What was that about?

So it clings there
All concert tickets and folded menus
Bithday badges blood donor pins
And I heart Amsterdam
Don't know why she didn't take it with her
As to the future she ran

So maybe I'll take it down
Deal with the brighter paint
Forward the tiny relics
Stop being what I ain't
Take a few new readings
Assess the things I lack
As The Duke said to Jack Walsh
I don't think she's coming back.

I went to see Josh Rouse a good few times
Near twenty years ago
He was brilliant and aloof
Intensity a flow

I saw him in an aigburth church
About a month gone past
And clearly the mangle o life
Had humoured up his ***.

Your average life will last 72 years
864 months of blood sweat and tears

That complete existence
Will move but one degree
Just 359 more
Then the cycle is complete

Equinoctial precession
Wobbles ever on
Unending celestial journey
Drags us all along

From pole star to pole star
Each house has its time in the sun
12 times over 2000 years
Aquarius about to become
The one that hovers over
Up above our heads for life
Recording the worlds horrors
Its beauty and its strife

As we wave goodbye to Pisces
And turn with renewed care
We know our 3 score and 12
Is just a day
In the Great Year.




25,920 years is the length o the track
So stand here ******* long enough
you'll catch yourself coming back.

I sat on a bench
In the corner of a courtyard
About ten years ago
It was large but hardly vast
Near sixty yards square or so

Surrounded by a rough hewn wall
Round six feet high it seemed
Lost in a peaceful memory
A soft focus pre Easter dream

In the opposite corner
On the diagonal perceived
A fully laden Cherry Blossom
Swelled and shook and breathed

Through its essence and existence
Through it's roots and bark it heaved

As if ready to impart a message
I felt grateful to receive
A holy thing to take with me
When
I stood
And turned to leave

Then out of nowt
A tiny tornado
Appeared at the midway point
Like a spectral referee incarnate
Explaining the rules of the joint

He bowed to both parties
Swirled round the mortal pitch
Encompassing the tree
Every petal gently pinched
Then carried to me
In a widening perfumed gyre
I could feel it's cleansing warmth
An exquisite painless fire

I was encircled fully
Music like I'd never seen
Swaythed from head to toe
In the brightest of pinks and creams
The aroma almost killed me
The most cinematic of scenes.

Then the spirit was gone
Fragrance piled high at my feet
Now I did not belong
My dance card replete
I sniffed back a tear
I stood up and left
It's never happened again
Easter now so bereft.

Just enough arseholes
To keep things interesting
Yin pushes yang
You know
That kind of thing
Like the outer spinning arms
Of a spiral galaxy
They are on all edges
Seeking calamity.

If Cohen's accountant hadn't ripped him off
I probably wouldn't have got to see him.
Here's to fraudulent fucksticks!
Cheers!

The burn
Which won't stop learning
The immovable thing
That is easily turning
Straight to which
There is a yearning
For that you cannot have

But then again
Where would you put it?
The storage space
You can't afford it
So it lays just where you dropped it
Until
It gets ripped off.

You've got to joyfully participate in the sorrows of the world
Not matter what the cause
There's no polishing a ****
beauty is in the eye o the beholder
Children should be seen and not heard
What does it profit a man who gains the whole world
And loses his soul?
The only way to stay moss free
Is to continually roll
Many a  slip twixst a cup and a lip
A single step the start o a thousand mile trip
What goes around comes around
Now that's deffo not true
Jimmy saville
Are the words
That I have for you.

A cat on a wall
In this oppressive
Evening heat
It still seems
So cool
While it's fur
Clearly
Gives no relief
But it full knows
What the humans
Don't know
Don't have a shout
All else
From humanity
Laughs
Knowing
What
Will
Come
About.

In polished chipped diorite
The essence of a god
The detail is incredible
His expression slightly odd

They found him upside down
In a pit in the valley temple
An indignity four millennia long
Trapped under sands
Not inconsequential

When you approach him from the front
He seems alone
This King of Kings
But when you see him from the side
Horus laughing spreads his wings.

Let's do another line
Of powdered sleep
Swim the oceans
With Hypnos
Tumble down in the deep
Dream of beauty
And horror
And nothing at all
You feel it so real
Sure as you're stuck to this ball
When your dreams
Are mostly disasters
Which are usually caused by your actions
You awake
It takes a couple of beats
To realise
The current apocalypse
Isn't happening.

I remember love but not how it feels
like deoiled orange peel
Dry rigid and shrunk
Just starting to think of that
Makes me want to get drunk
But I'm haf ****** already
So that's that debunked.

When beauty gets down low
To speak to me
I think of you
Neath that shady tree

The chlorophyll packs the leaves so tight
The veins resist with all their might
To store life for the months to come
They greedily swallow the light

I remember laying in the grass
Our eyes on each other still
Your smile matched your pretty dress
The sun transited the hill

We didn't notice it's passage
Till we felt the chill
Till all was shadow
We stood and turned without a word
Our last day on the meadow.

My mother tells me from an early age
I always loved old movies
I'd scoot my nappied **** across the carpet
Causing sparks
To see film noir intriguey(sic)
Kind hearts and coronets
Jimmy Cagney
The scarlet pimpernel
The red shoes and her descent into hell
On late Saturday afternoon.

For those who miss their mothers today
Take comfort in the fact
They might be talking to my father
And he's a gent
So there is that.

"You came to me this morning and you handled me like meat,you'd have to be a man to know how good that feels"

Leonard Cohen "Recital" radio city music hall April 2013.

The terribleness of what you are
Cannot be viewed from afar
You've got to stick your head in it
Snort and gurgle your own ****
And when you high
On your fine farts
Tell the world
That this is art.

I used to walk past
A basement Dojo
On my way work
The legend on the lintel read
THIS SCHOOL IS BUILT ON TRUST
A noble statement
A fine endeavour
Talk about **** or bust

A beautiful idea
A place open to the world
Balanced on the good conscience
Of everyone concerned

The feeling of connection
When all hold the pact
And that of betrayal
When character is lacked

But that's the only way
If your going to walk that path
To feel the sun upon your face
Never fearing for your back.

The statue on top of Nelson's column is fifteen feet tall
When the man himself died he was only five feet
That's Horatio of 3 to 1.

I saw a vid of Dave Grohl
Out of Nirvana
Talking about his first meeting with Lemmy
The man was his idol
He was sat at the bar of a festival they was both playing
Years after Kurt died
Grohl was nervous of course
Didn't want to **** up
Finally plucked up the courage
To talk his god
He introduced himself
Told Kilmeister
He was his beginning and end
Lemmy looked him square in the eye
Said
I'm sorry for what happened to your friend.

I'm getting
A ****
Tattooed
On my ****
But bigger.

Somebody's
Rotating my *****
Somebody's
Licking my bell.

There's nothing scarier
Than a naked man
With a sword
And a *******

Now that we have
The papacy
Let us enjoy it
The need
Back then
There was no need
To alloy it
Like the poisoning
A century before
There was no chance
To ignore it
But it was business
As usual
Through the Pomp
Through the  ****
Too big to fail
Too fat to quit.

How would one know?
Where would one go?
On a ledge
That keeps on getting thinner
You breathe down my neck
You talk only of death
I shake you off
And then
Go to where
The air gets
Skinnier.

I imagine Silent Echo
In the afterlife
He turns up
In the middle of a management shake up
After the strike
They need some new angles
To enhance the customer experience
So a couple of classics
Need some updating
And Echo gets assigned
A job he's perfect for
The guideded tour
Microphone man
For the trip across the Styx
Pointing out humorous
Historical murderous mistakes
As Charon rolls his eyes
He's heard this *******
Spiel now
A couple o billion times.