"I like rice,it's great when you're hungry and you want two thousand of something."

Gone but not forgotten.

"This guy asked me if I wanted a frozen banana,I said no,but I wanted a regular banana later on,so I said yes."

I boiled three eggs the other day
But only eat two
Waited for the third to cool
Then put him in the fridge
As future fuel

Left him there maybe three days
Cos I'd switched from protein
Then noticed he'd started to crack
Good lord!
I thought
This one is a survivor!

I'm like John winston
On the brandy alexanders
Your gonna have to deal with me
This nitrogen it seems
Puts such pressure on my eyeballs
That I can hardly see
So l plummet on down past where I should
Just to stare blindly in the sea
Sudden earhquake
Massive landslide
And that
Is the end o me.

Ginny watched over me
When I wasn't very well
Something wasn't right to her
I was oozing a strange smell
As I lay upon the carpet
She licked my swollen head
As if her simple presence
Could stop me going dead

A self imposed Near death experience
Stupidity defined
***** hematoma
Had left me near half  blind
And
Bouncing down concrete embankments
Leaves all sense behind

Ginny is gone now
To where all good doggies go
After twisting round this mortal coil
About a decade or so
She's allowed on St agnes beach these days
All the year around
The terns and the kittiwakes
Tremble at the sound
And as she charges at them
Into the air they soar
Now Ginny chases seabirds forever down the shore.

Twinkle twinkle ****
You have got some ******* front
To call me your friend

The titles o two very similar books
Concerning  previous and subsequent looks
The founding of places,laboratories really
Trying to figure the graft that might nearly
Make life a thing you painfully get through
Instead of infection,agony and death
Slow suffocation
They couldn't **** down their neck

A man named Gillies raised his hand
Said I've got an idea you may not understand
Though it seems like hubris so far unheard of
And I think I can lessen
The pain of these heroes
If I cut flesh and ribs from below
And transplant to the visage
Cross fingers,let grow
Hope for untainted stitchage
Then repeat the move again and again
We might drag a few o these poor souls
Out o Hell

The Germans and Yanks
Of course tried their own stuff
But the definitive work was done down in Sidcup
There's remarkable pictures
In the above mentioned tomes
Of a type o recovery
Of faces so torn
And shredded
And crushed
And left in the mud
A testament to
Those who lost more than blood

So when you see the faces of the foolish and vain
Know the source their reform
Was enlisted men's pain.

A moth goes to see the foot doctor
He just flew right in.

Chiropodist said
What can do for you?
My winged friend
You know you're looking  pretty blue
What could I do for you?

Moth said
Doc I don't know where to begin
My life is framed by cowardice
Shame and sin
I lost my wife this year
She succumbed to an illness that she kept
Hidden from me
Right till the end
My daughter won't even look at me
She says I lack
All integrity
And I see cowardice in my sons eyes
It's the same I see
Staring back from the mirror to me
Every morn
And then I go to my job
I work for robots and I'm governed
By ghouls
I'm one of many millions
Of credulous fools
I keep loaded gun
Cocked and ready
On my bedside table
Should I
Develop the *****
In short doc
My life is a swirling toilet
That refuses to flush

**** me!
The chiropodist said
My friend you are clearly in need
Of psychiatric help
But you must know
I'm not qualified
To prescribe
The medicine
And therapy
You need to survive
So tell my moribund friend
Why did you come here
To consult
With a doctor of feet?

The moth said
Because your light was on.

There's no river so long
It doesn't contain a bend
Is a phrase
Both easy and hard to comprehend
It makes you at first dispute it
Then run the scenario
Up to the the point
You smile and say
Good lord
There you go.

I haven't seen a fox for a bit
They used to strut round here
Cos it fit
They ritual run through
On where they where goin
Route to the food
And so to they ruin

On polystyrene and MSG
They gene pool be knowing
It's not the best in terms
Of the growing
O size of they skulk
Maybe that's why I don't see em that much
Represented on the BBC

That dog that climbed to the top o the great pyramid
Had more than a touch o the jackel
Panting ,looking down ,481 feet off the ground
People aghast at how it could happen

He's a dog! I opine
So just keep in mind
That's what some brave doggies do
He's not got our fear
He just wants to bound clear
O the earth
And our human to-do

There's ancient peace up there
He projects back through the years
To be with his full blooded ancestors
Stood at once near the peak
***** his leg for a leak
At ease with his familial protectors.

The three heaviest stones ever hewn and then placed
Rest in Jupiter Baal
27 years before Christ was born
By the the Romans
Long before their fall

Each close to 800 tons
Hoisted 30 foot in the air
And fitted so tight
You can't tell em apart
Put together with unfathomable care

But the quarry they're cut from
Not a mile away
Holds wonders even more vast
Three monoliths with a joint weight
O  4000 tons
Sit waiting  forlorn on the grass

The pregnant
The forgotten
The southern
Carved but never  transported
Will idle the ages
In dour unemployment
Their installation
Never reported.

Some disagree with the timeline
Say the Romans didn't go for big blocks
That it don't jive with their efficiency
Always against the clock

Some claim it was Alexander
About three hundred years before
Some even say its impossibly ancient
Posit lost civilisations galore

These shouts are fantastic by nature
Fly in the face o evidence compiled
By generations of strident experts
Disputed by casual tourists
Modern lazy thinking defined

Their points are stretched and wooly
Methodology sketchy at best
The work has been done
They're just having fun
These dolts
The paladins detest

It cannot be true
History has been proved
by research constant and heavy
That's correct I suppose
But Lord heaven knows
thats what they said bout Gobekli Tepe.

**** out the woman and **** out the man
That is how old egypt began
From primordial soup the island did rise
Then god turn to man and the stones he did prise
Up from the earth in pyramid form
And that is how old egypt was born.

Chastened prince who once refused the crown
Although the people knew he ruled
Scintillated in a tall place
Somehow less crude
Than he used to be
Made no odds really
On the vital tunes
All allusion fell away
As excellence accrued
Frozen in the presence of the rare
It felt rude to be
Outside o the self.

We're like a big tuna casserole
That's been remicrowaved
One too many times.

How many electricians does it take
To change a lightbulb?

These ******* aren't fooling me,
I'm gonna start calling Marathons Snickers!

Don't give yourself
Credit for yourself
It's everyone else.
Don't go to near to the edge
You'll fall off the shelf.

We all die alone
Unless someone dies with you
The path that you travel is always within you
So we all **** and moan bout what life has turned into
We all die alone.

Save your poison
Save you sweet,sweet juice
Cos there's a plague acomin'
Gigantic rats are
On the loose
Tell me where you got it
Tell me where the juice comes from
Because I'm in desperate
Need of some
Big hairy *******
Are at my door.

Hold your water
Better hold it better keep it fast
Solid,steam or liquid
Now that currency is past
What do you call it?
What is this H twenty stuff?
That's how the boss man couched it
And that's the truth
You couldn't make it up.

My feet are sweating
And my brow is cold
It's all topsy turvy now
I can't remember
When I got this old
And everybody's at it
It's become much more than a fad
Your brother always drank too much
I think he did it because he was sad.

You've got to.......
Who knows what you've got to do?
You've got to.......
Avoid the follow through.

I always thought
You could redo Pesci's" Funny how?"scene
In Goodfellas as one about poetic effectiveness

"What the **** is narratively compellingly about me?"
That type o thing
Give it a go. X.

Are the swing states
The ones who are into partner swapping?
If so they should get Doug and Melania
To drop em
I think I see an early
Winner here.

I'm told I didn't cry when I was born
The midwife had to give me a whack
While both ****** and Stalin
Screamed the house down
I hope there's something in that.

When the cab swerves
Between Judaism and Romanesque
That turn is on top
It could deffo get you wrecked

Just past the Rialto
If your cabbie ain't sharp enough
It could all go castrallto
***** ground into dust


But thank Christ that don't occur that much
You get home safe most days
The oversteer compensated
He straightens up For the front page
That could have happened
The day after the next
About some seatbelt deniers
Who ended up in a hedge
The latest o the dyers.

Baldy cat gets on a bus
The drivers says
"Where's yer fare?"

They demolished the place in 1909
Once they'd extracted
That what could not be left behind
14  works got transferred
Pulled off plaster
And put in a new position
To avoid the disaster
Put on canvas in the most
Painstaking way
And then cast To the Prado
So they were displayed
In a way that would seem
Funny and *****
To a deaf old lunatic
Who worked alone
By candlelight.

Hello how you doin where you bin what you doin when was the last time I saw you how's it bin where you bin how'd it go when did we last talk about life what's over there do you care what's the point where you spending the Christmas can you believe the strabismus of this ***** version o where we should be she  ovs not happy on this side o the ***** but why can't she just leave us alone?

What goes up must come down
Except Elon's space car
It's infinity bound
Is that true?
If it keeps on going?
Chances of collision
Beyond our knowing
The fence of the cosmos
We cannot see
It will not be revealed  to thee

Unleast not yet

The boffins say never
So we wait in ignorance
Always together.

You can't have any pudding
If you don't eat your meat!
HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDING
IF YOU DONT EAT YOUR MEAT?!?!?!?!!!!!!!

The moai faced inland
Away from the sea
Ghosts of dead leaders
Born from deities you see

Hewn from volcanic tuff
Soft no doubt
Compared to basalt or diorite
Which Are ******* to dig out

If they had only turned the other way
They might have seen disaster coming
Dutch killers on Easter morn
Peruvian slavers
Had them running

But it is a small island
And there was no tree cover
They cut them down so long ago
So they could grow some tucker

European disease
South American ******
Cut the population down low
As a couple o hundred years rolled by
And crops refused to grow

So the god's where cast down
Face down on the ground
Venerated protectors brought low
The people despaired
Beyond all hope and care
A paradise with no seeds to sow

Then the pickings were slim
Raiders had no one to ****
So they left them alone to their plight
But the moai are back on their feet now
Resurrected
As a world heritage site.

Ten years ago today
Jimmy and Sandra
Celebrated their
49th anniversary
They never got a 50th
Eight days later
Jimmy shuffled off
Sandra missed him going by ten minutes
It creases me still.

Birds don't fly they are flown
And fish don't swim
They get swam
There's a predestination
In all that we do
You'll see that when
Your race gets ran

It's a game written
So long ago
Way before
The big bangs afterglow
Unknowable programmers
Laughed up they sleeves
as they piled on
Unlimited code

But in the end you will be set free
As the electricity drains out o thee
And binds itself
To the omniverse
Recycled
So efficiently

As those angels gently laid you back
Speaking sweetly as you went
A rivulet o crimson
Was the sign that you were spent
I stood at your beds foot
Too overwhelmed to cry
A refusal to believe
A rejection of this lie

A fast three months that felt like six
A switchback through the gloamin
And all the time
We knew of course
The reaper was a roamin
Winding low
Checking his form
By the light of his terrible lamp
Waiting to bring down
His final ghastly stamp

So I'll think of you often
And I'll send love with this
On September the 19th
About a quarter past six.

The things that come out o your head
Are just skin cells you're ready to shed
Write them down on a page
And then let all the days
Be the judges
Of what you relate.

If you live amongst the trees
It might stymie the disease
That could otherwise
Rot out
The thing
You can't talk about
Away from
Awkward truth
And
The ungodly overproof
You might think
You could get out
The things you want to talk
About.

Drukenactivity
There I just made up an new word
I know you don't agree with me
But that just makes you sound absurd
Cos the activity o the drunk
And the productivity
They sow
Makes you the biggest
***** that
I have ever known.

Stolen ponies found abandoned
Clearly far too much to handle
For the fool who thought it wise
To take this horseflesh as his prize
Perhaps a blind impulse rob
Maybe a drunken bet gone wrong
But when resason or sobriety hit
He let them loose
And did a flit.

Leonid
Taurodid
Rocks thrown through
This fermential lid
Twice an hour
Then a flurry
You miss it when you bow for curry
Or kebab
It's late night tucker
Eat the meat
Miss out
On  succour

The pan is hot
The oil it spits
Yesterday's *****
Has given me the *****
If I drop it in right
I get those bubbles that I like
Thin and crispy
And crunchy to the bite
**** hot and salty
And peppery to the max
Each one o these tasty *******
A step to heart attacks
Though the greeze and the salt
Might stop me feeling rough
I'm going back to
New York City
I do believe I've had enough.

Gambling fallacy
Has been made quite clear to me
Quit while you behind.

Around 70,000BC it is said
We were on the edge
Already depleted population
Was just about **** near spent
Talking here about modern humans
Not our antecedents and such
Who had tiptoed the edge o the abyss
Not once,not twice,but much

Toba supervolcano they say
Spread fire and ash and doom
And roofed over the world enough
To seal in choking gloom
Some say it killed all but ten thousand
Some say even less than that
Some say we were down
To forty breeding pairs!
Now what you think of that?

So near the void
So near destroyed
Before we learned to write
Almost no Sumerians
And those who lit the light
No pyramids
No moonlanding
No songs of love and hate
Imagine not being here
The
Earth
You
Did
Not
Create.

We saw swans on the beacons that beckon
Each of us high as six kites
Eighteen combined
That's what I reckon
As we stared into they harsh light

Fresh off the Ferris wheel
Opposite the big top
We wobbled through the sparse crowd
Through feedback demonic
And swirling black smoke
Walked into
The kingdom o loud

As the drums fell off of Everest
And the bass came up from hell
I knew I couldn't be there
Yet to stay I was compelled

Rooted to the earth
Speared through both feet
By sonic ******* tent pegs
From which there was no relief

Almost three hours later
Battered and near haf deaf
Good lord I thought
For these *******
They need to invent
An extra clef.

Any moment now
A light will descend
Better take some with you baby
Around the bend

It comes and goes
To them that really want it
I tell myself,I'm not one of those
Only time will tell
If I'm not telling the truth
I don't know myself
Well,how about you?

When left is right
It's left to better men than me
To chase the light around the bend

All those nights I just dallied in vain
All those nights I lay twisted with shame
Time is leaking completely unchecked
Time to cut your self free from this wreck
Time to digest and quickly move on
Time takes the **** out of us all.

Let us walk upon the earth
Feel the sod twixst the toes girth
The universe shrunk to human level
That kind  o thing
Can make you feel terrible
But that's the exercise
From max to mini
What it is huge
Without me
Is scant
Withinme.

When you've abandoned your vehicle and walked away the thing goes rigid the paint turns grey and when you see it from a dimension above all that's left is the marks o your love.

Some people talk about what we've done to nature
And how it will have its revenge
Then how come I've just seen a crow
Struggling with a gull
Over a chunk o pepperami?

With faith in our souls
We skip toward the light
Singing blithely together
Songs of truth
And joy
And *****

To the left stand
The illiberal
To the right
The funny men
Both will badger
And deride you
Herd you to their
Favoured pen

And them that have **** eyes
Will ask why you seem so shook
Then you will have to explain yourself
To a dog shown a card trick look

We wait for the dead at Christmas
When they bin waitin for us all year
Once only every twelve months
Comes this kind of cheer.

What is that my love?
Is it the wind up above?
The end in the trees?

Drying out don't make much sense
As it a dehydratant
Still if I focus hard enough
I can see just where my pay went

Wettening up then
More accurate
Sounds like a pleasant bath
Hoping for a cleansing
Into which I can collapse

The sweats and twitches
First arrive
And then quickly *******
Replaced by itchy ennui
The shivers and the coughs

But none of this will last
I've trod this road before
Knowing the saucey demon
Waits for me to pour.