Everyday
Is a reminder of why I wanted to end it all
Everyday
Is a reflection of what I've become

I guess it's normal to feel that way
Normal to feel tired
And helpless
And horrible

It's hard to talk about this
When I've tried once
And twice
And almost thrice

Faces of frowns
Faces of disgust
Faces of despair
Will stare back at me.

Call me selfish
Call me a disappointment
Say, "What about me?"

It's kinda funny
How people tell me not to **** myself
By using themselves as the reason
When all I need is for them to hear my reason

Well, I guess that's why
Why I want to end it all
Why I want to stop everything
Because that's probably the best

This sounds wordy
I should shut my mouth
And find reasons why
"Life is beautiful"

How would one know
And where would
One go
When the
Nature
Of
Everything
Can
Never
Be changed

He beat em all
Way beyond the practictal recall

Cant be ignored
In spite of all implored
Thats how it went down
Right down to the ground
When any decency
Went beyond
Ultrasound.

When you fly
Across oceans
Do you know where you are?
This goes out too all
Is this what you thought of?
Did you think of the mountains
And the people
There in
Did you think of your footprint
And it's pattern
Therein
?

Not all rivers
end up in the ocean–
doesn't make their journey
less worthy.

Not all love
ends up in a lover's arms–
doesn't make it any less
worthy.

Why would you not
Express your loss?
In all it's glory
In all it's heat
In the way
You felt it
In the way it was
As you conflate
Your family
And them that don't care
You'll find a way to express it
So candidly
Even if death is not proud
As I think
Mostly it's not
Still you can say it
Outloud.

I stood on a mine
It was in one of them movies
Where you ok
As long as you don't take your foot off
I've been here
For three weeks now
I've looked for every
Possible out
To maybe backflip
Away from the devastating blast
Or have a science
Save my soul at last
But nothing is apparent
I eat my last protein bar a week ago
My time is fading fast
I've **** myself five times
Lost count of the ****
Can feel my tendons
Contracting
I think this might be it.