If you were to ask me how I'd imagined my first , I'd say with a person I love , but I've read too many books to spare you the exception, instead id say

I want it to feel like a whisper
A gentle caress as teeth graze against my skin
Words dancing at my lips but all that is heard is a moan
I'd want it to torture the corners of my mind
As I am struck by this feeling of pure bliss
No don't rush me
This is my first
Id want it to feel like the bending of the breeze against the surface of an ocean
As my currents  split
And I am finally theirs
Id want it to feel like a rush of fresh air
As my spine twists within the horizon
Stars disappearing within my eyes
As my sighs are silenced by the dawn
I'd want it to feel like my first step
An uncertainty tainting my innocence
As their hands dig into my skin
Thoughts of our future hidden within the tint of our cheeks
As we hardly knew what we were doing
Even with it all
I'd want it to feel like we're in love
But we share an underlying hatred
For finally giving into something we'd know would destroy us
Like I've sworn at the stars I have read to many books
But still I'd want it to feel like a bath of cold water
As the coolness stings at my *******
And all I can depend on is our air
I'd want it to feel like fresh candle wax
As their fingers dig into my airway
And all that's left of me is all that I am in front of them
I'd want it to feel like a scene from a French movie
Temptations dancing on the tips of our tongues
As they shade every part of my skin
With their undying desire
I'd want it to feel like a poem
That searches every hidden meaning within my pleasurable sighs
As they give a whole knew meaning
To read me like a book
I'd want it to feel like a bare canvas
Waiting to smother our torture
As we paint its walls with our lust
And fear the pressure building in our cores
Id want it to feel like my body had known no pain
As we get lost in the abyss of our human nature
But all I can say is ,
Fear consumes my heart
That what if my first
Ends with me not telling love and lust apart

It was this feeling
That kept me from the bounds of love

Pick up the phone
He called
I called back ...
No one answered

A good morning text sinking on the verge of our last conversation

You abandoned me
Left me to die
In the needles of my own mind

But

You texted back
Gave me a view of why hour heart had chosen Mine
To its own accord

It's this feeling I despise

The questions dancing at the heel of my feet
Tripping me
Be careful , here's when I fall on my face

It's this feeling I despise

Walking into a home
Whose lock has never been changed
And many have walked through its dulled out edges

It's this feeling I despise
The feeling of actually being in love with you
Not now , yesterday, tomorrow or today
But again?

I had gained weight
Packed a few KGS in the wrong places
Dresses looked too sloppy
Jeans barely passed my thighs
I hated water , only GOD knows why
My feet were to small
My waist the wrong size
Trust me I'm not insecure
But I'm also non the wise
My face has betrayed me in every aspect of the word
I think acne and I are good friends,but maybe I should burn the edges of our friendship and let her go
Luckily I love my nose
But what else is there to keep
Trust me I'm not insecure
But it's all the same to me