Fingers stumbles to type the words in,
…not knowing what will happen,
I threw my phone back down and decided to go to bed.

My mind is like a prison,
My heart acts the same,
Except it’s covered in locks and chains,
Deep down where there’s less pain…but my soul it’s like an oven,
It only burns when I’ve grown cold,
Unfreezing the best parts of me,
That I let drift away…

Day after day I couldn’t stop thinking about him,
It’s incredible how time starts to slip away,
And the pain finally went away but the memories stayed,
But it’s barely faint…it’s barely there, that is of his face, I barely don’t care.

What is and what is not,
Unravel the truth for what that is lodged,
Behind hidden walls I see you walk,
With a stance so tall, so fraught,
A stance that misinterprets the walk that is true,
A mask that hides a face with anger and demise,
But a body that shows a gentle and honest soul,
Deceptively assuming that something is not right with you…

The hurt,
The pain,
The sorrows,
All unchained,
Broken and shattered,
Lost in the layers,
A lot of loose tears,
A lot of loose ends that has never been put back together for 2 years.

The smashing,
The crashing,
The burning,
All of the screaming I held in my lungs,
Finally escaped,
That felt like glass, was stuck into place,
Replacing me softly,
Wishing it was only poison.

All I wanna do is scream,
Til there’s nothing else for me to scream about,
Nothing else for me to think about,
To cry about,
Feeling numb is what I feel inside,
Pretending “im fine”, so nobody has something to worry about,
But really, I don’t want anyone else but you,
And yet, I’ve seem to have ruined that and messed that up too.

All I wanna do is scream,
And as soon as I do that,
Finally more tears,
Finally more pain,
Finally calm surface,
Finally numbs the sorrows that I’ve kept hidden for so long,
The shaking,
The shallow breathing,
The stained tears that I let flow down my face and not to be seen by others,
Until I exit the hollowed place that echoed throughout the warehouse,
To hear that “I am not okay”.

And when I did,
The arrow struck,
deep in me that left me stuck,
Paralyzed from the waist up…
Glued on you like time has stopped,
For just a few seconds that felt like minutes,
An unwavering shock rocked,
*** I got a crush…

Whats true and what is false,
A faithful blow that bestows one’s trust,
To one who knows but pretends,
To another who knows but speaks out loudly for all to hear,
A bark that’s far worse than its bite,
I should know,
Was there through it all

When was the last time I written a poem that had lots of imagination?
Lots of meanings describing a page with lots of hidden messages?
Deepening holes within my soul that’s fuming  with ignition,
Probably because I lost it all before writing was my passion.

You say that you’re fine but are you really,
Lost through the vines, can’t see clearly,
Blurry lines clouds your vision, and yet,
You tell me you’re fine but I don’t believe in your lie.

I don’t believe in your lie cause I’ve been through the same story,
I’ve been through them all but,
I’m still climbing,
Walking in a blizzard I walk forward without a flinch, but as I walk,
There are scars and bruises all over my bare skin.

There are arrows and swords,
Tapes and tight bandages,
There are tear stains and closed lips that’s been through the same damages, but the words of “I’m sorry”, I can’t just say that,
Cause there’s more just “I’m sorry”,
That’s been through the same pain.

I know that “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it,
There’s more to apologizing than words on a text message,
But saying it in person,
Now that’ll be a real trigger,
How am I supposed to come out and say it,
When you’re the one who’s always getting flustered?

How can I approach you with a face that’s about to cry,
When I’m dealing with the same issue just vise versa? Like two loose ties,
I get it, you’re done with me cause I’ve said some harsh words,
I would be done with me too,
More like saying, I’ll shrivel up and die,
But I won’t cause that just means I’ve givin up on life.

Saying “I’m done” has a lot of meaning,
But do we really have to be done, can we sow back the puzzle?
Can we talk about the issue instead of pretending like it didn’t fizzle?
I hate having to see you and you’re breaking down in clear view,
Only cause one look my way sends you down one, long rollercoaster ride and you hide.  

You say that you’re fine and you ask if I’m okay?
I reply with a “idk” and you ask me why,
I reply with “because you’re fine” and I don’t like hearing another persons lies.