A few years ago I found a dog wandering the streets on its own.
I went to stroke him and he cowered.

Oh dear, I thought.

Just then, Fat Bertha appeared on the scene,

"You found my dog. Thank you babe."

She kissed me on the cheek and weirdly, squeezed my crotch.

I looked at the dog, who was now wagging his tail, then looked at Bertha's ample baps.

"Well?", she said, "Do you want to come back to mine for your reward?"

I nodded.

We were at it all night.

I was talking to the Man in the Moon last night. I asked him,

Hey dude, what's your deal with cheese?

He replied,

I hate the stuff. I'm more of a kebab man.

Puzzled, I pressed him,

But you're made of cheese, right?

That was a lie started by the government to make use of surplus supplies of milk.

he responded.

I was intrigued,

So, where do you buy your kebabs?

The Man in the Moon laughed,

You do realise you are talking to yourself and I do not exist?

He was right,
I'm not touching **** ever again.

Jesus popped in for a cuppa the other day,

It's my birthday soon!

he said, with an expectant smile.

My brother piped up,

Is it before or after Christmas?

She smiled,

I knew it was a mask

When you close your eyes
I open my heart

I really like Cobra Kai. I watch it with my cat, Hector.

Hector goes nuts when the fighting starts; spinning in circles, leaping from sofa to chair to table to my lap.

I stroke him and tell him gently to calm down. He then tilts his head down whilst looking up with his green eyes.

Scares the pants off me, but hey, the last episodes are in February, then it will be back to What We Do In The Shadows, which I absolutely love. I watch the episodes over and over again. So ****** funny.

Anyway, he's purring at me to feed him now , so I'll end this here.

Father Christmas popped round the other night. It seems he is fed up with all the deliveries and is now going to outsource it to Amazon.
I can't wait until Xmas day to go looking for a smashed up parcel somewhere in my front garden.