Ted looked in the mirror,
"You've still got it, you **** beast",
he told myself with a wink.
After emptying his colostomy bag, Ted flushed the toilet, then crawled to the top of the staircase.
Slipping a ready made noose around his neck, Ted pulled himself up to almost standing.
"**** this for a game of soldiers",
he yelled, before hauling his broken body over the bannister.