Not a facade,
More like a wall

Up until this border!
That's how far you may go

Better take one step back,
Beyond these perimeters
My thoughts are deepest black.

If you'll lift your chin, shift your focus, lift up your gaze a few fractions...
What will you think of me?
If you'll look into my eyes
What will you be able to see?

Will you believe my unspoken denies?
Rather stay a lover in disguise
Would rather live with this hypothetical sacrifice

This cliff you are walking
with that obsessive longing
That edge is too near
Approach it with fear.

You are wandering on a tightrope,
swaying this way and that in a dangerous lope
A meeting with disaster you are sure to provoke

The gorge below you is filled with black fire,
A searing nothingness awaiting your desire.

Don't lose your footing,
Ignore the pull!
Don't fall, keep holding on,
Don't be a fool!

Seem unaffected, stay undetected.
For you can solely find restraint in the knowing,
That if you are showing,
what your head and heart feel,
Swirling sensations which seem so real,
So palpable, they almost take shape
A beautiful vapour leaving burns in its wake

A beautiful fantasy carrying you right to that edge,
A breathtaking Chimera
and the hummingbird, an easy catch.

So beware of an event so unlikely, a fantastical affair,
For this is a castle floating in the air.

'You can count on me while counting those stairs'
'You can count on me when the fire inside you flares'

'Even if I'm burning, blazing, alight?'
'Keep counting and you won't lose your fight'
So higher up the tower she goes,
Skyward, above,
that's where she'll be exposed

Beware a rise she'll ill deserve,
For every step holds no good curve:
In the cracks,
just behind that wall,
the embers are glowing, starting to call.

And now she's there,
she looks around...
To find, there is no one to be found
The fire is now flailing, licking up her throat,
Where is it?
That voice telling her not to bolt?

It is long gone,
Carried away by smoke
While she is burning, counting for hope.

I look around us
all I see is you and me

This is not who I want to be.

I want to walk,
Want to run,
splinter,
fragment,
become undone.

But where do I go,
if all I can see
Is a reflection of you,
mirroring me.

I look into your eyes and all I see is desperation,
A need to cling on
To a picture of us in your head
That you have elaborately drawn,
That you can’t seem to forget
You, the puppeteer and
I, the marionette

You planned it to quickly,
Mapped it out too decidedly,
Committed too readily,
Took the wrong direction steadily

For there is an error in your plan
Something that isn’t property to any man
The pathway of my future
The road I will take
Decisions in which you can never partake

I am not that person, don’t make me her.

Not the girl next door,
Nor the hometown girl

Not the one who decided to stay,
Not the one that got away

I beg of you, wake up
This future of yours isn’t real
It isn’t even what you want,
Isn‘t what you truly feel

Deep down I know you know
That we have an understanding,
Something we realized ages ago,
a timed bomb that will eventually blow
An earthquake we’re not built for withstanding
An event that will ruin your careful planning


Don’t worry we have all been there
Have all been Holding on too tight,
Wanting this clockwork to keep on ticking,
Straining with all our might

But believe me my friend, you will later regret all the hours you have spent
Concuncting impossible scenarios in your head

Still, Your time has not been wasted
Yet, Your efforts unappreciated
For look how much you’ve grown
How much wiser you’ve become
Even after all the bad that has been said and done.

Would never wish you any evil
Only Wish you all the best
Hope you know not everything was wrong
Hope you know that you are strong
Hope your path will lead you where you belong