you lie when you say it’s been getting better because you want to believe so bad that it is.
but you’re not good enough. nothing you ever do will be good enough.
why do you keep trying ?
it’s a cry for help but you’re invisible.
you hide it well or at least you think you do but they know
and they watch
and wait...
wait for the day you finally crumble

i haven’t opened his messages.
“i’m here for you, hope you’re okay whatever you’re going through”.
i’m surprised he cares.
why should he ?
i don’t deserve that.
yet he won’t talk to me - meet my eyes.
it’s all so trivial !
i want to drive him away - lock everyone out.
fade out of existence and blend into the universe.

eyes dry
you’re lies carved in blood.

an emptiness that eats you but you don’t deserve to eat.

you’re immune to the handfuls of painkillers you take but you’re so vulnerable to the thoughts that plague your mind