Five phases of grief?
Where is my denial?
Where is my clue?
My love?
Me?
YOU RAPES
blergkz -~ you - ******* -
do I forgive?
Nah, I dare to pity!
- you need compassion to cope with love
with us denied, you think you are able
to love yourselves?
Hurt means.
So does ignorance.

Rapping about yourself, you transcendent deep into yourself
and you're wondering
why am I always pondering
topics, issues, matters, businesses that are none of my business
I need to be busy in this battery be-the-beat bliss
a curse to be called into this world
and it's none of your business
where is the purpose?
The when is now, the why is because
I can answer that verbously
theoretically, I'm ready
but practically I'm done
I'm tired of the glance of the sun.

Would you tell me what you've done
when I was mad at you, blinded by the fault
feeling betrayed, untrusted,
scared to die and unable
to live up my love to you?
Heart of your clockwork, but shaped like some box or a *****?

Would you tell me the truth of where you went
if I can't but to embrace you with my empty-feeling rage
imagining you leaving
whichever other betrayals you dared and so weak for a smile
you last meal I'm given at this end of my green mile?

Where are you?
What do you need?
What do you want?
Who are you?
When was the last time you weren't gone
from my life, you took my hand when I took a knife
and was missing your kiss
put into a white coat
and shackled for life
next morning you were out of sight
thanks for another eternity of spite
baby.

Left alone,you're a *******
born by a monster with a warm cove
of course I'll also **** the sole dove
you are still avoiding my words
and you're trembling
smashing yourself with pipes and bottles
planning six-hundred battles against your brain-dead cattle
and can't ask your wife for five dozen and six extra lives?

I'm dead, I'm a void,
you pray the name of Chaos
Greek word for emptiness
destroyed trust, you don't understand the pain you inflict onto me
you build your own prison but you want to be free?
Don't make me laugh 'bout your misery!
You play the fool, dream of the Empress,
but should be your own card
called Hopeless Distress
Mistress of hurt by painlessness
do you ever try to imagine what, how, why I feel?

Useless? Meaningless? You guess those issues are the source of your and my stress?
Who taught you to babble such nonsense?
What else don't we know 'bout your brain its impulses?
What my love hasn't brought?
Мy efforts for order, all you sense is what you're calling a bloated, incomprehensible mess
"Darling, wanna play a game and I grant you three attempts to guess?"
"Babe, excuse my digress, this is a hard digest."
You rob me my words in the warmest ways
hold my hand through the bullets which are targeting gays
is this real? You're scared, my mind is tricking me
Am I ugly? Needy? Emotionally bleedy?
Your pupils, terrific and massive, the only hint your soul spills
'bout the moments you want what your fate wills
Rome is surrounded by seven hills
you are surrounded by three grams of Ritalin pills
what do you think I am seeing?
You blinded me on first sight
conjured this moonless night
and hurt me.

Finally, shut up and die!
We're both waiting.
You have the choice and end up blading you arms
what a symbole of wicked pharms and self-harm
you're crying alone
and I'm crying alone
crying my love with my phone by my mouth and ear
and you don't feel at home?
Then tell me whereever it is you wanna go
please let your heart speak
no shame show, no crave blow
your love, not sour but sweet, not like some kind of cheese.

Tell me
why do I love you?
Who is this ill fate I'm falling through?

I did not think
that I could
I could
I could

until I figured
I could.

Chaos,
grandness around us, within us
our pasts and our fates,
the heads and the tails you bring us,
nothingness,
mistress, our all that is free and forbidden
forgiven, forsaken, forseen and forsworn;

Our endlessness,
countless infinities that you defy
our unbreaking circle of charities your grace is defined by;
our mother, our barrens of space who is bearing existence;

our eminence,
baroness, dancing the torments of pregnance
our sorceress, chanting the songs of emergence;

our senses and souls,
your spawn, your kin, your death and your sins
our servant, your serfs
kneeled down and bowed over
your lust that is shameless, yearned for and proud,
raised up and all that is tall afly
your will that is mindful, yearning, forgiving;

our Godesses, our locks and our keys,
around us, within us, the now and the here,

listening through the ears of machine elves
our absolution from words uncertain;

speaking through colours of clockwork glyphs
our faith to bring magic into our lives;

teaching through picture puzzle pattern cellar doorways
our choice to approach whenever we wish.

You are awareness. We are mindful.
You are presence. We are eternal.

I am ashamed to be human
so much rather be a cat
beaten up, skinned to heart skips
loving from meal to meal
to thank
because I want to.

I am ashamed to count as a human being
I would rather have been stranded as an orca
with more love
blood smelling like sharp crystals
my children upside down above
my skull collapsing, harpoon trauma
yet the waves still know where we are heading
I have never longed for that choice.

I am ashamed of naively enduring life
ashamed of your scars, our sins, my dark circles around my eyes
reading Sun Tzu and Nietzsche
without thinking, but empathizing,
rejoicing inside until we die.

Somewhere there is still a spark of pride,
hope faith love
hating money, we are thieves of the heart.

Somewhere I learned something in the end.
If you ask me if I am ashamed to be me
I am so grateful, warm to the heart
let's leave this topic be for a while,
you little wonder, you.