10 months and I still cry
10 months and one would think I have moved on
10 months and still not close to enough

I lie in bed
Ready to scream
My eyes filled with tears

And I ask myself why
Why I‘m not good enough
Why she is
Why I still cry
And why you not

And I wonder how I ended up here

I am happy
I really am
I smile and I laugh
But sometimes
I cry and I scream
Sometimes
I am sad

Life couldn’t be more great right now
I have the best friends that love me with all their heart
And I love them, truly
But sometimes
I don’t see that,
Sometimes
I think I am invisible, not important at all

I respect my body
I accept myself how I couldn’t for a long time
But sometimes
I doubt myself
Sometimes
All I see are my flaws, all my imperfections

I am happy without a relationship
I am happy with life how it is right now
I am ok with being alone, alone not lonely
But sometimes
I wish it would be different
Sometimes
I wish someone would love me, wish that someone would choose me

Because sometimes
I feel lonely
Like I am alone in this world
Like no one cares for me
Like it doesn’t matter if I‘m there or not
Sometimes
I am not happy
But that’s ok

Lying in his arms
Feeling his lips against mine
His touch on my body
Feeling good

Thinking about his touch
Feeling comfort and warmth, safety

Then thinking bout You
How you touched me, how you held me tightly, how you exactly knew what to do, what to say
You just knew

He‘s different
The way he touches me
The way he kisses me
The way he talks to me

For a short moment I wished he was you
He would act like you
But I laid in his arms, not yours

And after all his arms still felt safer than yours

I‘m sleepless
And now I’m lying here
Thinking about your touch
Thinking about the words you said

You’re in my head
And I can’t get you out of it
What happened
How could it get this far

Your arms comfort me
Your words break me
You’re so undecided of what you want
You don’t see what’s in front of your eyes

And now I’m lying here
Sleepless
Thinking about the pain you‘ve caused
For me and for her
I think about the pictures I‘ve seen
I think about what’s wrong and how this will proceed

I‘m lying here sleepless
And all I want is for you to lie next to me

She looks in the mirror
Thinking I am not enough
She‘s wearing a hoodie and no make up, her hair is oily
Just a casual look, it‘s a family holiday though

She looks in the mirror
Thinking I am ugly
My hair is thin, my belly thick, my ears stick out and not even to start with my nose
She feels like crying

She looks in the mirror
Thinking why have others such luck
And I don‘t
I want to look like them, like the pretty girls
Like the girls that get the boys

The boys.
They never want her
They want the thin and pretty girls, the girls with big ***** and a fat ***
She doesn’t have this
She‘s sad

She‘s never the one no matter how hard she tries
It‘s Hard for her seeing everyone falling in love
Hard for her to see how every girl finds a boy that loves her, her body, her personality
Just one guy would be enough she thinks

But one guy broke her
Made it worse
Made her feel worse than before
Worse and worthless

She‘s afraid she never will be good enough
She will never be the one
But she has hope
Hope that one day
She looks in the mirror
And thinks I am good enough, I am perfect just the way I am

Was it love or was it just a game?
Was it real or was it just a joke?
Was I just a joke?

You gave me hope
You gave me love
You brought me pain
You brought me tears

Can‘t even describe the pain
The pain of you having someone new
Just after one week

While I was crying
While I lied in bed
While I listend to sad songs
You were smiling
You lied in bed with her
You went to partys

Was it love or was it just a game to you?
Did you want me or just someone?
Was it just because I was there?
I will never know

But I see your actions
This can‘t be love
You moved on so quickly
This can‘t be love
You pretend like nothing ever happened
It wasn’t real
Deep inside I know I was just one out of many

This will never change  
You will never change
But I still wish I could rewrite the stars

Some would say you’re toxic
Some would say you‘re sorry
I say you are perfectly wrong for me

I hate you, I love you
No way to run away, come always back to you
You are perfectly wrong for me

Everyone is against it
Against us, against you
I see why, but I can‘t help it
You are perfectly wrong for me

Everytime you **** up
I‘m there, I forgive you
I know you, like no one else does
You know me, like no one else does
We can‘t run away from each other
Sometimes I wish I could  
Because
You are perfectly wrong for me

Everything inside me screams that I should text you
My head says no
I should ignore you like you ignored me
But this can‘t be the way

We‘re going back and forth
going in circles
With Neither of us wanting to commit or to end things
Because
We are perfectly wrong for each other

Love is a strange feeling

For me love means
I always think about you
I care about your feelings and thoughts
I still want to spent time with you even though you broke my heart more than once
For me love means
I put your well-being and happiness over mine
I get shy around you
I‘m afraid of what you think
I let you break my heart, again and again

There is nothing I want more than
be around you, talk to you, feel your touch and spent time with you
At the same time
I feel the need
To Part from you, to keep my silence, to never touch you again, to hide from you
That‘s the time I hate you deep down in my heart

Love is a strange feeling
It‘s a fine line between love and hate
Two feelings which are so connected to each other and still so different
And when I‘m with you
I feel both
So deep inside me, so strong and powerful
Driven by my emotions

It’s a matter of three seconds
That decide if you make me cry
Or if you make me smile like an idiot

Love is a strange feeling
And because of you
I go through all its ups and downs