Before I toss them
on the barbie,
I gut and skin,
cut off their heads,
wash thoroughly,
salt and pepper them,
then lather on some
Bbq sauce.

I grill until crispy,
careful not to overcook.
Delicious!

So I went in with my Halloween mask
and colostomy bag
and I pointed the nozzle at the teller,
told her it was loaded
and, for sure, that got her attention,
she handed the money over pronto,
then I made my getaway clean as a whistle

Ever **** your pants? Not this dude

***** words on a page.
Edit and rearrange.
Repeat. More *****,
more edit, more rearrange.
Repeat.
Repeat again.
Tack on sassy ending.
Done.

Any race, gender, color
and it's a little circling,
a sniff of the hand,
a sniff of the crotch,
a sniff of the ****,
a tail wag and it's all good.

JFK, a bird-******* fool, maybe worse.
Bill Clinton, a bird-******* fool, maybe worse.
Ronald Reagan, that amiable date-*****.
George H. W. Bush, notoriously handsy.
Joe Biden, also handsy.
Donald Trump, a good old fashioned ******.

The best and the brightest.
The dumb *****. Not so different.

Yes indeed, we're a ***** bunch.

Dear God-Fearing, Pro-Life Evangelicals,

This is why you held your collective noses
and voted for a ******, corrupt, creepy,
money laundering, freeloading,
traitorous sociopath. Your fat, ugly,
***** grabbing, Putin-loving ******
came through for you. Congratulations!

Desiring a long life,
I renounced Pleasure,
Distraction, Fun--

Like a Buddhist monk--

And offered my delinquent
but pliant body
to the waterboard,
the smoldering cigarette,
the clenched fist,
the medieval rack

In the dungeon basement,
screams unheeded,
the seconds passed like hours,
the hours like days,
the days like years,
the years like millennia,

Each excruciating moment
impossible to elide or ignore,

I felt as close to Eternity
as a mortal man can get