Out of breath, my heart is pounding
the tears falling slow
No energy no motivation
its really time to go.
Uncontrollably the tears fall more
my feeling's hard to say
Self-loathing thoughts weigh heavy
******' hate feeling this way.
Day by day and step by step
the hope is hard to see
So tired of wearing this heavy mask
of someone who isn't me.
The tears constantly flowing
this pain deep in my heart
A life so overwhelming
and tearing me apart.
Defeated and lonely
why is life so cruel
So lonely, so exhausted
I don't know what to do?

Bottled up inside my heart
Are the clouds above me
are the sad movies replaying
That I can only see.
Back to these feelings
that never seem to fade
Feelings so permanent
unexpectedly invade.
A broken image in the mirror
a reflection so unreal
So far a part from reality
Feels hopeless to heal.
Time to remove this mask
Where reality is hard to face
and this pain is neverending
so difficult to erase.
My eyes wide open
I no longer want to see
To wake up to another day
of this painful reality.

I'm lost, its dark inside
can hardly take a breath-
Can't escape from this pain
that's leading to my death.
No sunshine, just grey clouds
hovering over me-
The storm of tears that fall
every day and constantly.
Suffocating inside myself
I don't know where to go?
I don't know what to do?
I wish I was dying slow.
Why am I so pathetic
So sad and so weak-
Why am I so insecure
To never want to speak.
Still dark, I'm lost forever
Still tearing me a part-
No one here to rescue me
and left with a broken heart.

Slowly losing hope
Don't want to live today
Don't want to feel the pain
and ever feel this way.
Trying hard to fight
To maybe live again
And never be the burden
Of someone who seeks the end.
Broken and defeated
So difficult to breathe
Holding on to what I have
As my heart constantly bleeds.
Tired, so very tired
no hope for me to see
I'm tired of being who I am
this life is cruel to me.
Each day is very challenging
to just get out of bed
Struggling with self-loathing thoughts
constantly wishing I was dead.

Life leads us through journeys
and pathways we'd never see-
Preferences we never fathom
are adored unexpectedly.
The days we never saw coming
a stranger became a friend-
Then grew into infatuation
never thought to love again.
The treasure life has brought us
and risks we both take-
To unexpectedly be together
a secret but not a mistake.
Unanticipated moments
created a love so strong-
Throughout this journey together
feels so right and never wrong.
Life never works the way as planned
changes along the way-
Old habits to new beginnings
to be together soon one day.

Moments of great happiness
each day felt so bright-
Each second was so perfect
a change that felt so right.

A sudden shift into silence
to distance from the heart-
No words of explanations
of why the coldness start.

Convinced that things were perfect
the building of anew-
Days of unending happiness
now feels unreal, untrue.

Days believing it was real love
blinded and did not see-
Fooled by the possibilities
of what could one day be.

It began with just a crush
then the feelings slowly grew-
Evolved into infatuation
after many months with you.

Unexpectedly you stole my heart
and these feelings grew more-
From butterflies in my stomach
to someone that I adore.

Confronted by these feelings
Is true or a fantasy?
Are you the one my heart is longing?
Do you truly belong with me?

I can't define what I am feeling
or am I scared to actually say-
To admit what I truly feel for you
and if you'll go or will you stay?

Way deep inside is a feeling
a feeling I know is true-
Such complete and true happiness
and this forbidden love for you.

A feeling unexplainable
a sudden warmth inside my heart-
A realization of reality
discovered when we we're apart.
My mind is constantly replaying
this feeling rushed inside-
The moment of confirmation
who my heart has helped decide.
That moment he held me in his arms
I held him in mine real tight-
My heart felt a sudden warming rush
affirming that this is right.
My mind is spinning so differently
can't explain what my heart feels-
Through hours passed I realized
these feelings are truly real.
Remembering the moment of yesterday
that I can't stop thinking of-
My heart has found the truth inside
that it's him I truly love.

What started as infatuation
unexpectedly grew strong-
My mind overwhelmed with love
I no longer feel is wrong.

My days are so much brighter
and happiness filled inside-
No longer want us to be a secret-
no longer want to hide.

The missing pieces rediscovered
and the path is clear to see-
This life now feels complete
with you here next to me.

Beginning a new chapter
as this love feels so true-
Accepting this new reality
that my heart belongs to you.

Bewildered by this feeling
which words cannot express-
How strong I truly feel for him
so lost, I can't confess.
My heart was never looking
but unexpectedly came across-
A stranger who brought pure happiness
a feeling I thought I've lost.
Each day is so much brighter
and my smile for all to see-
Was recreated by this someone
who I love so unexpectedly.
But I'm saddened by reality
that each day I have to hide-
How I feel every moment with him
and how I truly feel inside.
At this moment I'd take a chance
to live this happiness-
And share with him how I truly feel
for it's him I love the best.

Something aches inside
as the tears start to fall-
One moment it was everything
Now it seems I've lost it all.
The happiness is fading
as my heart has lost its way-
The moments spent together
are nothing like yesterday.
Accepting the realization
that it wasn't meant to be-
But just a dream of what could have been
of a life, just you and me.

My stomach turns and hurts
nauseous all the time-
The pain feels so much greater
when you are on my mind.
The tears want to fall
and I want to walk away-
Dreading this feeling of sadness
that you make me feel each day.
No longer make me happy
but just always want to cry-
Can't see myself being with you
don't even want to try.
Finding an excuse to be away
not feel this pain so true-
Don't want to feel such hatred
that I feel when I'm with you.

My heart beating nervously
each time you are near-
Waiting with excitement
for the next time you are here.
Counting down the days
until I see you again-
Knowing in my heart I feel
you're more than just a friend.
The many times together
brings happiness inside-
For each time you are here with me
this love is hard to hide.
Until the next time, just know
this love I feel is true-
And if it takes a lifetime
I'll be here waiting for you.

This sadness taken over me
overcome by what is real-
For what is true is not exactly
what I want nor what I feel.
The awareness of this reality
do I fight or let it go?
Should I accept a life that can never be
even if I love him so?

I can't describe what I'm feeling
or express what I truly feel-
Can't put these feelings in writing
But I know what I feel is real.

The evolution of this infatuation
which transforms so rapidly-
These unexpected changes in my life
has made me so happy.

Each day becomes so difficult
to hide this happiness-
To tell the truth of this perfect love
that would have others envious.

Still I can't describe these feelings
that is slowly growing strong-
For each day I'm coming to realize
that you and I belong.

I can't explain this feeling
this unexpected pain-
An actualization of reality
that is driving us insane.
If only a few years earlier
you've came into my life-
To experience the love you gave me
and our happiness was rife.
But why does time matter
in this unexpected romance?
If it's love that we're both feeling
should we dare to take a chance?
Do we disrupt the lives we're living
so we no longer have to lie-
To finally be together freely
and no longer have to hide?

My heart has never
felt this way before-
Never missed someone so much
never wanted someone more.

My life has never
been so very bright-
Never filled with such happiness
that brings sunshine in the night.

My days have never
been consistently happy-
Never felt a life so complete
until you came here with me.

My heart has never
felt something so true-
Never knew the meaning of happiness
until I met you.

So many days without you
and this I want to say-
I miss you so much, my secret love
I've missed you everyday.

Remembering your arms around me
and that smile on your face-
The giddiness before our goodbyes
and the warmth in your embrace.

The many days that's passed us
it is you I've been thinking of-
Until the day we meet again-
I'll miss you so, my secret love.

A day that would seem so happy
made a change for the worse-
Turned the days back into gray skies
for that day became a curse.

The quietness increases
the coldness grows inside-
The happiness is diminishing
and the pain can't seem to hide.

The obvious, but subtle changes
that soon you'll go away-
Those days are now just memories
of what we had yesterday.

Trying to comprehend these feelings
that are building inside of me-
Trying to determine it's true meaning
is this love meant to be?
Trying to find the answers
before I fall apart-
Trying to find the missing pieces
of the puzzle in my heart.
Trying to solve this mystery
of how he feels inside-
Trying to understand his loving heart
so he no longer has to hide.
Trying to comprehend this life
that we both began together-
Trying to determine if we're meant to be
Always or never?

My mind is preoccupied
with many thoughts of you-
The laughter and the happiness
everything that we've been through.

Life feels so very different
much happier and bright-
These feelings, though forbidden
feels so real and so right.

My heart has never felt this way
a love so deep inside-
My heart aches that in reality
our love we're forced to hide.

Our memories replaying
our days alone I won't forget-
Our love that has grown each day
will remain our secret.

Every day I'm contemplating
Trying to understand-
Deciding my next direction
of what my heart demands.

Every day is getting harder
as these feelings are growing strong-
My heart has finally decided
where I truly belong.

Every day I can't stop thinking
just how my life would be-
To finally be who I truly am
to finally be free.

My heart is telling me
That you are slipping away-
The days we were once happy
Is no longer the same way.

Is it my imagination
Overwhelmed by my heart-
Are there really changes?
Are we slowly breaking a part?

The days seem darker
Seems colder to bear-
The happiness has faded
And the sadness is everwhere.

The tears are slowly falling
And my heart begins to ache-
These days are no longer worth it
So much I can only take.

It feels like forever
Laughter overwhelmed each day-
Our love seemed so unbreakable
Unending and always.

The memories begin to fade-
And the wound is hard to mend
Our togetherness seemed like a dream
That suddenly came to an end.

Those moments fading slowly
Far away from yesterday-
When days were always brighter-
Laughter everyday.

This distance slowly growing
And the smiles seem less-
The days now are more quiet-
More quiet than the rest.

The unending happiness
Seemed too good to be true-
As each day was so perfect
Every time I was with you.

Drifting like a boat at sea
Like fading memories-
Miles apart from yesterday
Of a love not meant to be.

You've invaded my mind
and took over my heart-
Each thought is consumed by you
even more when we're a part.

What have you done to me
to make me feel this way?
As this infatuation is evolving
into something more each day.

This overwhelming happiness,
a feeling so new to me-
The light you've added to my life
is another day so worth to see.

The only pain is reality,
in my heart I know its true-
If only I can make a change right now,
I'd choose to be with you.

A surprised response
a laugh at the heart-
A joke about these feelings,
which tore me a part.

I don't know what to say
silence overcomes me-
He laughs at this love
that I thought was meant to be.

Never trust my heart again
to confess how I feel-
Never trust another
to believe a love is real.

My heart dreads him beside
the sound of his voice-
The way he belittles me-
as I have no choice.
Tuning him out as he speaks
cry quietly when I sleep-
Surrendered to this image
of who he wants me to be.
The decades lost and wasted
a prisoner to his heart-
The realization of my life
how I want to break a part.
The successes I've accomplished
shadowed by his ways-
A puppet directed by his strings-
living a lie every day.
Detached from my own self
masked behind me-
This life has never been mine-
never who I wanted to be.

Sometimes it feels like nothing
Trying to what end?
The energy wasted on emptiness
Broken and hard to mend.

The weeks are always spiraling
An inconsistent heart-
Unable to read between the lines
Should we be apart?

The love no longer exists
Living out memories-
Pretending that it's still the same
Hiding behind what used to be.

Something is hurting deep inside
A familiar feeling meant to be-
Helplessness taking over
Blinded.  Can no longer see.
Faded into memories
Words lost of what they mean-
No longer feels like reality
Like it happened in a dream.
The sadness taking over
Defeated once again-
This pain has won the battle
Constantly, with no end.

My heart is pounding hard
Lost inside of me-
Anxious about tomorrow
And where my life will be.
Where do I belong?
Where do I want to go?
What is my heart feeling
And when will I know?
Something feels like its breaking
And aching slow each day-
Lost in the world around me
Should I go or should I stay?
My heart feels like crying
A feeling so strange, so wrong-
A sudden feeling of sadness
That slowly grows so strong.
Will this pain leave tomorrow
And these feelings go away?
Will it bleed a little longer
And continue the next day?
Why is it when happiness
And a feeling so meant to be
Seems so very impossible
To stay forever with me?

There's something about his smile
That makes the negativity go away-
Where the gray skies become sunshine
He brightens up my everyday.

There's something about his laugh
That's contagious to the heart-
There's just something about his touch
Causing these flutters to start.

There's something so different about him
I can't get him off my mind-
There's these secret smiles on my face
When I think about him all the time.

There's something about his heart
So sweet and genuine-
There's a warming affect around him
Unique. One of a kind.

There's something so special about him
That I long for when we're apart-
There's a charming soul inside him
Someone so true at heart.

Feeling like a little girl
The feeling of a first crush-
The butterflies flies, the smiles
And missing him so much.

The loss of appetite
The many sleepless nights-
The constant thoughts of him
and how he holds me tight.

The unexpected smiles
with him on my mind-
The happiness I feel
is with him all the time.

Constantly thinking-
thinking about him all day
All night and every moment-
He makes me smile always.

This infatuation
happened unexpectedly-
His smile makes the days brighter,
and he makes me happy.

Preoccupied by what could be,
Wondering if you're thinking of me.
Thinking about how you make me happy-
And how we can live happily.

Deep in my heart these feelings are true-
So lost. I don't know what to do?
Wondering each day if you feel the same, too.
That soon we will both say "I love you."

I'm falling
I can't stop
I'm falling fast-
Thinking about you alot.

I'm falling
Falling so deep
I'm falling so hard
I cannot sleep.

I'm falling
I want you so
I'm falling, falling-
I want you to know.

I'm falling
My feelings are true
I'm falling so deep-
Deeply in love with you.

Constantly thinking
where my heart will go-
Where will it lead me?
Which pathway will I follow?

My heart belongs to another
but it sings a different song-
Does this melody lead me to answers
of where I truly belong?

Drifting from this reality
constantly thinking of-
What really makes me happy
and who I truly love?

Dear secret love-
I'm writing you again to share what I feel
That these feelings are growing
into something truly real.

You've stolen my heart
Despite this life I have beside-
For each time I'm with you
my feelings can no longer hide.

The many days together
The smile on my face-
Is because of the happiness you bring
That fills this empty space.

These secret feelings
I soon want to reveal my heart-
That every moment together
is what I miss when we're apart.

My secret love
This secret is so true-
The neverending laughter
has made me fall so deeply in love with you.

Dear secret love
So many things I want to say
For months this love has grown-
Still growing each day.

These feelings feel more than just infatuation
More than a crush-
You're constantly on my mind-
I'm missing you so much.

Each time we're together
These feelings become harder to hide-
Impatiently wanting to tell you
Just how I'm feeling inside.

I've never had such feelings
That consumes my day and night-
And even though there's another
With you it feels so right.

Until now my secret love,
My lips are kept sealed-
The love that's growing for you
Will not be revealed.

When things seemed like they were coming together
they shift the other way-
When life seemed like it was getting easier
it became harder each day.
Hoping that the next morning
this feeling would leave-
Instead it's left inside me
with my thoughts left to bleed.
Each day feels so tiring
so little strength in me-
Just want to go to sleep now
and have my mind at ease.
As the morning sun arises
let it finally be a new day-
A time filled with blue skies
and to forget yesterday.

The sweetness became bitter
and the love fades slow-
The happiness sheds a rain of tears
is it time to let go?
The grey clouds lingering
shadowing behind me-
The road of life misleading-
a pathway I can no longer see.
The warmth replaced by the coldness
tortured by this pain-
The insensitivity of cruel words
in this depressing game.
The light shadowed by darkness
slowly breaking apart-
Disconnected with this reality
to end with a broken heart.

Distracted by his smile
and the way he looks at me-
Hidden by my secret thoughts
of how I want us to be.
The happiness consumed inside
overwhelmed by his heart-
Unexpectedly missing him
each time that we're apart.
The smiles when I think of him
the butterflies inside-
These feelings are taking over
and is slowly hard to hide.
The eagerness to reveal this secret
of how I truly feel-
The curiosity to let him know
this love for him is real.

Searching for the first star
to grant me a wish tonight-
Wishing that we'll be together
and soon you'll hold me tight.
My heart holds many wishes
but one I want so true-
To finally be able to reveal
that I'm truly in love with you.

This love is growing dangerously,
dangerously close-
For every moment away from him,
It's him I miss the most.
Acquaintance to attraction
lost inside his heart-
Lost within his words spoken-
when did this love start?
Am I falling too soon,
falling too fast?
Is this infatuation
or a love that can last?
This once stranger
invading my mind-
His smile, his words, his touch-
in my head all the time.
A secret kept unspoken
whispers between us two-
Am I falling too fast, too hard
I don't know what to do?
His voice makes me smile
warms inside of me-
Is he the one my heart is calling,
a secret love meant to be?

The little smirks when I think of you
you're always on my mind-
Lost in these feelings inside me
leaving a world of pain behind.
What is it about you
that I long to have you close?
And every time we go our ways
It's you I miss the most.
Each moment that I spend with you
secretly melts my heart-
The laughter and giddiness we have together
I crave when we're a part.
Is it wrong that I feel this way
of something so very new?
This unexpected emotion I feel inside
every time I think of you.

What is it about you
that suddenly I feel
that makes me so weak-
are these feelings real?
What is it between us
that makes me smile
that makes me miss you
for a long while?
What are these feelings
that consumes my day
that distracts my thoughts
every night, every way?
What is it about you
that makes me think of-
that one day, could it be
that we are both in love?

My mind is constantly daydreaming-
thinking about you.
The many ways you make me happy
from everything you do.
My heart longs to have you near-
just to see you smile
The days just seem so much longer
when I dont see you in a while.
Sometimes I'll just close my eyes
just to have you close
And for everyday that passes
it's you I miss the most.
These feelings are growing stronger
each day we're together
Cherishing every moment we spend
wishing it would last forever.
Unsure where these feelings will go
and where this path will lead
I know I'm slowly falling
and it's you I truly need.
Each day feels so empty
without your simple touch
The hours and days between us-
I'm missing you so much.

The smiles that fills my day
everytime I think of you
Wondering if these feelings
are really true.
You preoccupy my mind
and overwhelm my thoughts
The butterflies in my stomach
when I think of you a lot.
These unexpected feelings
invade my everyday
This unending happiness
you make me feel each day.
A slight glance of you
just fills my heart inside
And each time you are next to me
this feeling gets harder to hide.
Everyday and every night
you're all I think of
Hiding behind my feelings thinking
is it you that I love?