Around and around.
The world spins madly on.
Standing still in the middle of this street
yet it’s moving in a constant spinning motion.
How did I get here?
I closed my eyes and suddenly my world
has completely transformed yet again.
Im happy with what I have
But still so sad as the past weighs down
On my weakened soul.
Try to let go but how can I when I have the door of the past boarded shut.
Days are rare when I allow myself to think. To think of the past, the pain that follows.
The last seven years have come and gone
so **** fast.
How can I even catch my breath?
From a stranger to my husband
and back to a stranger.
A complete stranger.
Another lover enters my world.
One right after another.
Thought I might of found love
But they all stabbed me in my windpipe.
Can’t breathe, hard to see what’s in front of me.
I tell everyone it’s not good to not let yourself feel, to not express ones emotions.
Yet, I do the same.
I hide inside myself.
Bury my emotions, my thoughts.
Bury them not only from others but truly from myself.
In the last two years, I’ve met so many people. Good friends and even lovers, and all back to strangers. Suddenly.
Broke up with my two best friends and now I stand still with one good friend.
No shame in it for I truly do love him. For I am so thankful to have him in my life.
However, sadness remains.
At first, I was okay, but looking back, maybe it was denial. Maybe I thought that it wasn’t the end.
Maybe I thought it was just a break even though the words that were exchanged crushed my heart.
And now, now, I think of you every once in awhile. Lately, it’s been a few times.
Think of you both as I’ve ran across photos on social media or even just see your names.
I hope you’re okay.
I hope you’re shining bright.
Life is short. Soak up the sun while it still burns hot.