It was only one date.

Just one. But that’s all it took.
For me to notice all the good in you. See that maybe I could see myself laughing with you for at least the next couple months.

So I gave you seconds.
And after working on myself for a year. I thought I deserved to see that.

Think that was possible for me.

After all that work you were the one I chose to trust. To let hold the fragile bird learning to fly once more.
But here I am.
Laying below your hands I trusted.
Hurt again.

And maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic..
That’s what I’m hoping for.
It’s that or undesirable.
Lesser of two evils…
Choose.

I've been dying to tell you about all the crises you cause.
The panic you bring to mind
because I don't have enough of you.
I am going to run out
what if you leave before I finish.
You are locked away
in a box, I cannot open.
What a nervous wreck you cause me to be.
I feel like am empire when you are not on my mind.
Other days I feel as small as a dime sitting lost on the countertop.
Do me a favor.
stop.
Please,
Stop passing.
Stop moving forward without asking.

I need more of you.
I need all of you.
Fill all my space,
fill my decayed green plants once more with light.
Because I have dimmed at the thought of your loss
it breaks me even into two.

Because how do I move forward not knowing how much of you I have left.
I'm scared.
scared for you to move forward.
As time on my clock keeps ticking my fear only grows,
deep as poison.

I can't continue to live the way I am.
I struggle.
Buried,
by your burden.

I am touched by the thought of you
in every single way.
Scared for your forward.
Scared for your release.
I bite my fingernails in fear of your every move.

You turn me into a ghost.
White as cotton.
As clammy as the sea.
You.
You,
devastate me.

You don't even have to try.
You do nothing,
and yet I fall to your will
because without you what am I?
Is there a reason you pass by?
To panic over lost time?

I still remember when time played at a standstill.
When I would run through the yard,
smile, and laughs.

But now my life is ruled by the quality of
photos
and videos,
I post.

Why do you have to go by?
And why do things have to change as you pass?
Can't you stay still?
Stop moving past please I need to go back.
I'm scared to move forward.

Move slowly, please.
Drip by slow,
as viscus as molasses.
Let me anticipate each drop.

Because I
can't keep going.
No more moving forward.
No more moving backward.

I just
need to stay still.
I need it, my spirit to run free once more.

I crave you.
But I crave my freedom from you more.
I need to be free.
To run free from your grip that keeps me so near.
So please,
I beg you,
time,

Let me go.
Stop sending me forward into time.
Stop sealing off my future as if it is meant to be taken.
Let me live.
Presently,
without any regret.
So please,
time,

let me go.

i dont know what to write
i dont want to go through and fix all the mistakes
it is tiring
and i am tired
i dont care if i don't capitalize ireland
i dont care to punctuate my platonic sentences
i do not care
i could care less that i cant think of a better synonym for "good"
nor do i care to put an apostrophe in my cant and dont
i am done with mistakes
and focusing on them
who cares?
i dont
i dont want to
but i do
just not tonight
not in my angry fit of writing
because tonight
those mistakes
cannot touch me
it is just me
and my writers mistakes