I forget what suffocation tastes like,
Until I spend 5 minutes trapped between these four walls.

Say my name
I want to hear it fall off your lips
Dribble like paint
Down your chin
On to my waiting skin

I grew up in the shadows of my worship,
In the shadows of models.
And they clung to my skin,
Until there was nothing left to grip.

Letting go,
whilst my heart is still bleeding in your palms.

I can feel it,
Beating.

My tears tear holes in this paper
My hands dig deep in this skin

Letting go,
But I still love you

Forgive me, please

I just had to learn how to love me too.

I used to drown myself in meal replacement shakes and fat burning capsules, on the off chance that I would disintegrate into skin and bone.

I spent so long with my head down a toilet bowl, the smell of bleach became sort of comforting, it wrapped it's arms around me, I was home.

On the days I saw black and I crumbled to the ground, I remember that I would get back up and feel proud.
Congratulations, you're one step closer to disappearing without a sound.

Sometimes I want to drape chocolate wrappers around my shoulders, just so I can remind myself that dairy milk is not a crime.

But today I will bury the skeletons of my late night rendezvous at the bottom of my trash, so that I forget about the secret love affair I had last night.