Who I Am?

It seems like I have always been
in or on the job training

I got my first job at 5 years old
when my father made me the remote control

My uncles were also good trainers of great volition
and, I graduated with honors as a lawnmower and car wash technician.
I grew up in the old-fashioned tradition,

whoopins took place regardless of race.

belts, shoes, tree limbs, whatever was handy,
get your **** beat up, then maybe candy

but, I'll tell you what,
all them sore buttocks, how it's gonna hurt me more than you talks,

taught me to respect, and I honor my word before it is even heard,

the old school was tough, but it made me a man that's who I am.

Gods Missing Angel
Mama please wake up it's me
open your eyes so you can see

don't you remember kissing away my pain
from the rubbing alcohol sting
that my bike it would bring
any time that I would wreck into everything

and when my girlfriend she broke up with me so mean
it was the end of my world and I was just 17

you hugged me so tight until I felt just right
oh my dear Mama how I need you so much
what I wouldn't give to feel your gentle touch

and when I did marry and had kids of my own
you would go pick them up and bring them all home

it didn't matter from where or what time
the love of my life is no longer mine

my beautiful mama lying there so still
now I must say goodbye to this bad dream but it is real

it cuts me so deep like with a sharp knife
Mama it's time for us to part
take these tears and all of my heart

put your wings on and don your Halo and God would you please
open up Heaven
Here Comes Your missing angel

Memories, how we treasure them like,
do you remember when?
You were fast asleep
In dreamland deep

your favorite fantasy
bout that girl
that you keep

When all of a sudden!
your stomach starts grumbling
buttocks are mumbling and

you get a weird sensation
Something about
A spicy, greasy bean burrito, and chimichanga combination

**** hole is puckering
***** is stuttering
can't wait any longer

Wake - up! Wake - up!

you get up in a haste
there's no time to waste
the goose pimples have started
******* just farted

no time to turn on the lights
or look for your slippers
Something running down the back of your leg

And if that's not enough of a worry
you stub your big toe when you got up in a hurry

get to the toilet and drop your shorts
your ***** starts blasting round after round
making a different sound

until at last
there is a sputter of gas
a big sigh of relief
time to go back to sleep
but wait, oh good grief!

remember when at the store
you thought ? not now I'll get it later

so now you sit with no toilet paper
thinking about it,
and all you can say is,

This some Bull - ****!

You can sit on your high horse
thinking it is done
you can create the grand plan
knowing it's the one

you can be the master
of all that you're after
the genius with the answer
on how to cure cancer

and all of life's questions
on depressions, obsessions, aggressions

but in the long run
it's only talked by everyone
until it is done

it can't be wrong
if it's right
If it's black
It can't be white
it can't be dark
if there is light
you can't maybe
if you might
If you're groovy
then you're out of sight
you can't be bumming
with so much delight
you aren't yellow
if you fight
you can't be short
if you're tall in height
If your cleavage is huge
then your bras too tight
you can't be dead
if you still have life
If you're single then
you don't have a wife
it can't be a ball
if it's called a strike
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If you'd like
If you like to smile
you don't have a frown
if it's right side up
it can't be upside down
if you're always sad
you can't be a clown
if no one hears you
do you make a sound
you can't be tired
while you're wired
always late to work
got you fired
told your wife
you got laid off
but she knows
that you're a liar
cuz she went
to see your boss
on her knees
and now she's hired
you can't smell good
if you stink
you aren't dumb
if you think
you can't be chicken
if you're a pork link
If I lead
will you follow
If you ****
do you swallow
If you understand
You don't comprehend
that is  all 
I think my friend
or this poem
may never end

I'm not S-s-scared !!!

You looking for fear?
you ain't gonna find it here
I'm not afraid of nothing, man!

no human, nor beast
that can be unleashed,
no criminal ****
or prescription drug

no happy trigger, finger police
I don't worry about 
unless it comes to these

and then I unleash
my inner s-s-scared

somebody said s-s,-snake
I didn't have time to wait
the sound barrier I would break 

s-s-spider creepy crawly
every muscle fiber
Has my buttocks tighter
making me a **** my pants subscriber

in my house
they said was a little mouse
I went in real tough
I said fear "I have had enough"

but what I saw
was a big fat *** rat
chasing my cat
looking like he wanted to eat
my ***** cats meat

so I grabbed my hat
headed towards the door
like an acrobat

my sneakers burning rubber
and that was that !!!!!